Month: January 2010
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1/29/10 Midday Report: Size doesn’t matter as 6% GDP expansion fails to stimulate the market
The market is bouncing around today even though GDP grew 5.7%, the fastest pace in 6 years and beat estimates of 4.7% growth. The upside was led by a restocking of inventories from their depressed levels (and inventories were more depressed than Kathy Griffin’s bikini waxer the time she ran out of rubber gloves). The…
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1/28/10 Midday Report: Global economy still more fragile than faberge egg wrapped in Donald Trump’s ego
The market is down again today thanks to Qualcomm giving a subdued forecast and something again about people not having jobs. Luckily, according to the Fed, the recession may be over which has left many of the 10% of unemployed people loudly cheering from their urine stained cardboard boxes. The Fed upgraded its economic outlook, reaffirmed…
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1/27/10 Midday Report: In bid to increase approval ratings, Obama to unveil Apple Tablet at State of the Union address as a panacea for US budget problems
The market continues to limp it’s way down as investors await tonight’s State of the Union address where President Obama is likely to whip out his small business tax breaks and smack them against a non-defense discretionary spending budget freeze. This budget freeze supposedly applies to 17% of the Federal budget and will have enough…
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1/26/10 Midday Report: An Apple a day will keep the recession away (especially if it’s one of those new tablets)
The market is bouncing around after Apple put up a ginormous quarter and is likely to announce their tablet on Wednesday while the global economy still sputters. In macro news, US consumer confidence rose to 55.9 from 53.6 and we all know how important it was to break that 55 barrier (actually, I’m just kidding,…
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1/25/10 Midday Report: Bernanke likely to get bipartisan support despite claiming he doesn’t swing that way
The market is trying to rally after last week’s sell off which was caused by Obama letting Paul Volcker threaten to open up a can of whoop ass on the banking system, the senate seemingly hedging on reaffirming Ben Bernanke as Chairman of the Federal Reserve proving once and for all that the Senate is…
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1/22/10 Midday Report: Volcker? I hardly even know her.
The market continues to sell off as fears grow that Obama’s financial service regulation will limit the profitability of the banks who nearly destroyed the global financial system. How fucking dare he try to regulate these fine bastions of our economy who did nothing to deserve this other than invent complex derivatives based on loans…
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1/21/10 Midday Report: With healthcare solved, Obama to take on banking industry
The big news spooking the market today is Obama’s unknown plan to try to regulate banks. He is now said to be giving former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker the keys to palace and Volcker is rumored to be getting all Glass-Steagall on bankers’s asses telling them they can’t trade financial securities using their own deposits. …
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1/20/10 Midday Report: China flexes pimp hand and vows to curb lending, businesses cower in the corner and promise to work harder for daddy
The big news bringing the market down today is that China is beginning to realize they may have a bit of a bubble on their hands as they opened up their fortune cookie last night and saw their fortune was written on the back of a yuan (as for the fortune, it said “man who…
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1/19/10 Midday Report: Citigroup? More like Shitigroup (and yes, i’ll be here all week so don’t forget to tip the waitstaff)
The market is rising on news of Citigroup putting up another quarter so bad that even Dan Brown refused to write the press release (and that is seriously bad since that guy was more than happy to put his name on a shitstain like the DaVinci Code. And not to ruin the book for you,…
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1/15/10 Midday Report: JPM sends the market down on estimate beat, promises to do worse next time
It is a bizarre day on the market today as INTC crushed numbers and is down, JP Morgan turned a huge profit, yet disappointed, and the dollar actually gained last night as apparently Amanda Drury was at the New York Rick’s Cabaret and only accepted the local currency (ok, the last one may not have…