Month: January 2010
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1/14/10 Midday Report: Market taunts macroeconomy, tells it to go back to its room until it comes out with a better number
The macro news today mostly missed expectations, but the market seems to be shrugging it off like an alcoholic shrugs off a jagermeister induced hangover (and that is by taking a massive dump and then getting back on the wagon). Retail sales were down .3% for the month of December, while expectations were for a…
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1/13/10 Midday Report: Google threatens to pull out of China, claims “not properly protected,” but does offer to finish on China’s back
With macro news today apparently scarcer than free speech in Chinese search engines or free standing buildings in Haiti (too soon?), the big news moving the market is Google’s threat to leave China after China left the toilet seat up one too many times and refused to take out the trash. Google’s panties are currently…
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1/12/10 Midday Report: China trying to cool economy, hires Justin Timberlake to dole out stimulus funds
The big macro news today is that China raised the reserve ratio that banks need to hold aside as deposits, signalling that China’s central bank is starting to become acutely aware of inflation concerns (whereas the world is starting to become acutely aware of Christina Hendricks‘ “concerns”). Given that China is going to spend roughly…
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1/11/10 Midday Report: China: More than just putting pee pee in coke
The news on the markets today is that China’s economy continues to soar like the Netherlands did in 1637 thanks to tulips or like Money McBags’ johnson did earlier today thanks to two lips. China’s exports rose 18% and was up for the first time in over a year leading chelation therapists all across the…
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1/08/10 Midday Report: Market shakes off unemployment reports, claims those people are just lazy
The big news of the day is that the Labor Department, led by Hilda Solis whose name is an anagram for the upcoming Snoop Dogg swine flu dis track titled “Hos said ill,” came out with their jobs report for December which showed a loss of 85k jobs. This was worse than expectations and held…
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Money McBags to NYTimes: You’re copy editing sucks like Nina Hartley at an all you can eat pickle bar
Dear Readers, As you know Money McBags spends his days scouring the financial news in order to provide it to you in a more suitable, informative, and entertaining form. However, during today’s reading, Money McBags came across a glaring error in a NY Times article which he then posted a comment about to their site. …
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1/7/10 Midday Report: Low end retailers post good sales numbers as formerly rich learn to slum it
Before we get to the better than expected December sales numbers for most retailers, we need to address the macroeconomy (So hello macroeconomy, would you like some viagra for your slow growth?). Today’s initial claims for unemployment came out and were slightly better than expectations (and all sources tend to agree about this, unlike yesterday’s…
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1/6/10 Midday Report: A flat market at your service (sector)
The news out today is that the service sector grew, but less than expectations, so now we know how Vern Troyer’s parents felt. The ISM index of non-manufacturing jobs rose from 48.7 to 50.1 and anything over 50 signals expansion according to the arbitrary metrics measured by the index and the directionally correct economists who…
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1/5/10 Midday Report: After 330 years, stock market proves Isaac Newton wrong: Gravity, schmavity. What goes down, must keep going up
The market continues it’s latest rally despite at best mixed news today. The biggest news is that pending home sales dropped more than Dolly Parton‘s boobs have in the past 5 years (and for the record, she now calls them “anklets”). The 16% drop was more than the expectation of a 2% drop after a…
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1/4/10 Midday Report: It’s 2010, yet the market is partying like it’s 1999
Hide the women and children because the market is coming back with a vengeance, like Dirty Harry Callahan or Don Knotts on Three’s Company. The market appears to be determined to show all of the traders who manufactured complex derivitaves such MBS, ABS, and plain BS, that financial engineering can only keep it down for…