Month: April 2010
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4/30/10 Midday Report: Biggest swinging dick on the Street may land in aptly named penal colony as criminal investigation launches on Goldman
The markets are down today due to mostly inline GDP, more shenanigans in Greece, further investigation in to Goldman Sachs, and gravity. GDP for Q1 was released and the economy expanded by 3.2% thanks to consumer spending which was up 3.6% and interestingly enough coincided with the release of KFC’s Double Down thereby spiking sales…
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4/29/10 Midday Report: HP thinks it bought a rosy PALM, no word on whether they will also buy her five sisters
The rally is back on thanks to solid earnings, Greece likely getting bailed out again (for now), and the FED reaffirming their promise to keep rates low until the next bubble. Not only that, but new claims for unemployment were down by 11k which was just shy of analyst guesses and just shy of asking…
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4/28/10 Midafternoon Report: The debt claims in Spain fall mainly down the drain
Same shit, different day. The markets continue to bounce around on news of Europe’s impending doom, though this time not by the Daleks or the smell emanating from Posh Spice‘s girl power, but rather from bankruptcy. While Angela Merkel continues to tease Europe’s proverbial cock with her low cut dresses and constant pledging of support…
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4/27/10 Midafternoon Report: If Greece is now junk, what does that make Haiti?
The market is down today as Standard and Poor’s downgraded Portugal to a principality and Greek to junk and not the the kind in a trunk that most investors love, but good old fashioned junk. It was the first time since the advent of the Euro that a European country has lost its investment grade…
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4/26/10 Midafternoon Report: Financial reform bill coming after Senators talk dirty to it
The markets were relatively flat today despite the financial sector reaching down for its cankles as the Senate prepares to probe the sectors’ cavernous derivatives loophole. Financial reform is coming, the only question is if it will be weak or really weak but until then financials should be a bit volatile with a downward bias. …
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4/23/10 Midday Report: Crash of the Titan as Greece requests bailout
The market is up today as sales of new homes were up 27% blowing past analyst guesses and rising by the most in five decades which is so long ago that baby boomers were still in grade school, man had yet to reach the moon, and full muff was still in style (like the very…
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4/22/10 Midday Report: Market struggles to find green on Earth Day thanks in part to the new planet threatening phenomenon of Goldman Warning
It’s Earth Day which means Al Gore is likely so giddy that he is rolling around the back seat of his electric car while warming his globes to thoughts of Susan Solomon’s ozone hole and Carmella Bing’s flourescent bulbs. And sadly, while all of this is happening, somewhere a polar bear dies. Anyway, the market…
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4/21/10 Midday Report: You can not stop AAPL, you can only hope to contain them
The news today is earnings, earnings, earnings, and Sophie Turner. The markets are inching up after a strong slate of mostly positive earnings reports (not so fast AT&T and GILD). However, before we get to earnings which featured Apple taking other handset makers out to eat, getting them drunk, and then giving them a cleveland…
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4/20/10 Midday Report: Goldman blows quarter out, then offers to blow SEC Chief of Enforcement Robert Khuzami as part of “settlement”
The markets are modestly higher today despite a blow out quarter by Goldman as other blue chip companies mostly met expectations and meeting expectations after an 80% market rally is like trying to impress Grigori Perelman with long division or Tommy Lee with a Hawaiian Tropic girl. The big news is obviously that Goldman released…
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4/19/10 Midafternoon Report: Goldman causing Wall Street to rethink how they do business, instituting “no more e-mail” rule
The market is teetering again as the big news remains the SEC’s charges of fraud against Goldman Sachs. These charges have Money McBags giddier than a emetophiliac at a Phillies game because Goldman has long been manipulating the markets while massaging the government’s taint to get away with it. The best part about this…