Month: April 2010
-
4/16/10 Midafternoon Report: Goldman Craps
Oh no they didn’t. The SEC apparently found their shriveled ballsac hidden in Meaghan Cheung’s now empty desk and hired Faye Reagan to skillfully tickle it back to life which has led the re-testosteroned agency to go after the biggest turd in the punchbowl, Goldman fucking Sachs. Holy shit is it on. The government hasn’t…
-
4/15/10 Midday Report: Tax day causes 53% of the US population to be pissed, other 47% pissed every day about being broke
Oh shit, just when the economy was looking better than a threesome with Hayley Atwell and Alice Eve, new jobless claims for last week rose for the second week in a row and economists didn’t have Easter to blame this time. Well, actually they did, as a government analyst once again warned that the numbers…
-
4/14/10 Midafternoon Report: Market movin’ on up, only a matter of time before it buys a dee-luxe apartment in the sky
Oh shit, it is on today like fucking Donkey Kong only this time Mario is not only going to save the Princess but he’s going to get rich while doing so. The market is rallying like it’s 1999 with positive earnings, positive macro data, and not a fucking peep out of those Greek assholes who…
-
4/13/10 Midafternoon Report: Alcoa opens earnings season not with a bang but a whimper
The market sold off at the open today but is climbing back like a Phoenix from the ashes or Paul Volcker’s economic reputation. Alcoa’s earnings initially brought the market down as they were a bit disappointing and Alcoa is considered to be the first bellweather company to report in this critical earnings season where baked…
-
4/12/10 Midday Report: S&P approaches 1,200, asks if it can come up and see it sometime
Earnings season is about to begin and Money McBags is more excited than Thomas Malthus at a pro-abstinence conference or Tiger Woods at a sleepover in Charlie Sheen’s house. The Street is going in to this earnings seasons with expectations higher than those of Elin Nordegren in October of 2004 so a few slip-ups could…
-
4/9/10 Midafternoon Report: Greek bail out back on causing market to fly like Icarus (though hopefully not quite as close to the sun)
The markets are higher today as fears of a Greek blow up subside for about the 69th time which is one more time than Ben Bernanke has taken an “accomodative stance” for the market in the past two months (and Money McBags isn’t quite sure what that means). In macro news, Retail sales were out…
-
4/8/10 Midday Report: Citi execs sorry they broke the economy, wipe their tears with their outsized bonuses
Money McBags is back and the markets are selling off a bit as apparently people somehow still care about Greece going bankrupt (but then again, some people also still care about the Poincare conjecture, the etymology of Star Wars languages, and saving the whales, so whatever). Seeing as how Greece hasn’t been relevant since the…
-
4/5/2010 Midday Report: iPad so awesome it even creates jobs
It’s the jobs, stupid. Good Friday was great Friday for the economy as investors got the day off to spend their hard earned dollars on cheap imported crap from China while the Labor Department released monthly data showing 162k jobs had been created. Labor Department Secretary (though Money McBags prefers the more politically correct term…
-
4/1/10 Midafternoon Report: A disappointing RIMM job
Before we get to the markets, Money McBags found a picture of the hottest female in the history of history and wanted to share it with his readers as a sign of his gratitude. This is the hottest female ever*, so you’re welcome. Anyway, stocks are up today as macro data was more encouraging than…