Month: May 2010
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5/28/10 Midafternoon Report: Market falls after basque-ing in Spain’s downgrade
Money McBags has been busy so today’s report will be brief, like the Anglo-Zanzibar war of 1896 or Gary Coleman’s remaining days (what, too soon?). The market tanked again and closed down 8% for the month of May which is the worst May in 48 years which was so long ago that the Hulk comic…
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5/27/10 Midafternoon Report: China backs up Euro, causes it to come from behind
The market was up stronger today than a shot of tequila washed down with a hefty glass of grain alcohol or as its known in the Hasselhoff household: “breakfast.” If you haven’t heard, the Chinese are coming and this time it’s not just from looking at Gaile Lok it’s because they are still hella interested…
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5/26/10 Midevening Report: Market diagnosed with Meniere’s disease as it can’t stop falling
The market tried to rally today like a drunken hobo lying in a pool of his own vomit reaching for the discarded fifth of whiskey by his side to try to taste one last drop. Unfortunately the last drop turned out to be another hobo’s urine as Money McBags hasn’t seen a rally less believable…
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5/25/10 Midafternoon Report: Volatility causes market to go up and down faster than a time constrained fluff girl
The markets sold off hard again today until the late afternoon with the the sell off being caused by Europe going to zero, financial reform, and now fucking North Korea dropping a turd in the proverbial kimchee bowl, and the hardness being caused by the market having grabbed a workout with Amanda Carrier. So la-di-fucking-da. …
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5/24/10 Midafternoon Report: American xenophobes shout “I told you so!” as european fears send US markets tumbling
Stocks were mostly flat today like they had no gaussian curvature or had Heidi Montag‘s singing voice until they took a nosedive over the final 30 minutes of trading. Existing home sales in the US rose by 7.6% and bested analyst guesses thanks to the first time home buyers tax credit, foreclosure auctions, and promises…
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5/21/10 Midafternoon Report: Market rebounds, now it needs to stop missing shots
The market was up today as apparently it has been corrected like Stevie Wonder’s vision or Larry Craig’s family values. With Europe now fixed, unemployment shrinking, and monkeys flying out Money McBags butt, it should be back to lobster tails and BJs in no time. The good news is that nothing has really changed between…
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5/20/10 Midafternoon Report: S&P slides closer to next technical level of 0, most economists predict a bounce from there.
Fucking Europe. Seriously. First they tried to tax us without letting us represent ourselves and you know what, we don’t play that way. Then they got all upitty and burned down the White House while poor little James Madison sat on his gelding and got his S’mores on. And after that we’ve had to bail…
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5/19/10 Midafternoon Report: VIX shoots up, claims it doesn’t have a problem, just wants to try to take its mind off global recession
The market got clobbered again today (until a closing minutes rally) like it insulted Preston Brooks’ uncle or like it had one too many shots of tequila while watching the donkey show. Investors continue to fear the impending doom of Europe with their quaint monetary system, silly accents, and love of black jeans. However, macro…
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5/18/10 Midafternoon Report: If you want to short in Germany, you now have to wear pants
The markets fell again today as US macro news was mediocre at best, fears in China have risen from red alert to Kung Pao levels, and Germany has banned naked short selling of stocks and CDS (though you are still encouraged to get long Salzgitter and Money McBags’ “salzgitter” would get very long for Sonya…
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5/17/10 Midafternoon Report: The Euro is falling! The Euro is falling!
The market was somehow flat today after spending most of the day down again as the perilousness of Europe’s debt situation continues to worry investors like laryngitis worries Pavarotti or like coming in to contact with Paris Hilton worries osmophobes. Not only is Europe raining ash on the market’s parade (both literally and figuratively, though…