Month: February 2011
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Small Company Update: JOEZ Really Fucking Blows
Money McBags wanted to get to the JOEZ earnings release today because as you all remember after their last Q when the stock was trading ~$1.80, Money McBags broke JOEZ down and said he wouldn’t pay more than $.90 for them and well, after their quarterly release on Friday they dropped ~25% to $1.10, so…
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2/10/11 Midnight Report: Market Shrugs Off CSCO Guidance, Prefers to Buy the Rip
The S&P closed up today despite earnings more disappointing than Congressman Christopher Lee’s online dating skills (because 1. If you’re married, don’t use your real fucking email address and 2. everyone knows the easiest way to an internet girl’s heart is through a cock shot and not some weird ass old man flexing pose, so…
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2/9/11 Midnight Report: Fucking Crickets
Kind Readers, — Money McBags was out for most of the day and thus was unable to find the time to get a column up that suitably dealt with the news of the day such as Ben Bernanke’s speech before the House Budget Committee (which includes such great financial luminaries as Heath fucking Shuler, who…
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2/8/11 Midnight Report: Market’s First Law of Bernankity: What Goes Up, Must Go Up
The market rose for the 7th straight day (and the day was so straight that it wouldn’t even look at other days of the same gender, and yeah, that means you Thursday) as earnings continue to be relatively decent (until the speedboat effect of rising input prices catches up with them next Q, which is…
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2/7/11 Midnight Report: Support Levels Blown as Market Spits Out Concerns
Stocks hit their two and a half year highs today as confidence in the markets skyrockets thanks to hackers penetrating NASDAQ computers (proving if you drink enough red bull and vodka, you’ll penetrate anything), insider selling continuing to outpace insider buying at a cockposterous rate as company executives show as much faith in their businesses…
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Economic Update: Lies, Damn Lies, and The B(L)S Jobs Report
Wow. Just fucking wow. Even with stability in the Middle East more fragile than an osteoporosis sufferer’s boney coccyx as Egyptian government officials join in the protests against their own government (which is a bit like Alan Greenspan protesting against fiat currency or Camille Crimson protesting against hummers) and Jordan contemplates reforms to lessen the…
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2/3/11 Midnight Report: Bernanke Says Everything is A-OK (Other than Employment, Non-Core Inflation, and Anything Else That Makes a Healthy Economy)
The market closed up again today as Ben Bernanke let the National Press Club know that either the economy is fucked, or it isn’t (Money McBags is still trying to decipher Benny B’s speech but as “blowhard” is what Money McBags’ considers a command and not a language, it may take some time), protests in…
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2/2/11 Midnight Report: Mubarak Challenges Quantitative Easing for Title of Biggest Pyramid Scheme
The market was relatively quiet today as protesters in Egypt clashed with pro-government supporters (apparently one group wore plaid and another wore stripes, how gauche), earnings were more mixed than a Barack Obama-John Kerry love child (and with a terrific radio voice to boot), and investors gathered around their TVs to see if Lloyd Blankfein…
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2/1/11 Midnight Report: Egypt Shmegypt. You Can’t Stop the Rally, You Can’t Even Hope to Contain It
Fuck yeah was it on today as the cry of “1400 or Bust!” rang through the trading pits (and if it is Melissa Archer’s bust, well, then Money McBags may have to be rooting with his shorts) like other momentous rallying cries such as “The British are coming,” “Remember the Alamo,” and “Who Let the…
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Small Company Update: KITD Rolls Up a Joint Acquisition
One of Money McBags’ favorite little companies, KITD, got their acquisition on again yesterday and bought a pu pu platter of video asset management technology companies in a flurry of transactions that surprised Money McBags more than protesters surprised the Egyptian government or this answer surprised the game show world (and Money McBags was surprised…