Money McBags
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1/5/11 Midnight Report: Dip Bought
The market got its schwerve back on today by buying the dip as if the dip were going to cure cancer, reveal the meaning of life, and lead to a threesome with Kayla Collins and Sara Underwood (who as always, can get under Money McBags’ wood whenever she pleases). So forget about unemployment, forget about…
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1/4/11 Midnight Report: Will the Dips Buy?
Ruh roh. After yesterday’s euphoria around the new year wiping the economic slate clean, investors woke up and realized that, well, a new year does not wipe the economic slate clean and unemployment remains unhealthily high (and as unhealthily high as if it had shared a needle with Gia Carangi), housing prices have either already…
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1/3/11 Midnight Report: Just Another Panic Monday for Shorts, Will Tomorrow be Their Funday?
The market ran today like Ben Bernanke was giving out free money (which um, he kind of is, as long as you have already proven that you are untrustworthy and have bad judgment), or giving out free shares of Facebook (which at this rate will be valued higher than an original copy of Birds of…
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12/30/10 Midnight Report: Relatively Positive Macro Data Tries to Give 2010 a Happy Ending
2010 is going out with a bang as every piece of data beat guesses today including new claims for unemployment, pending home sales, and days until Christine O’Donnell was once again found out to be a fraud (and note to FBI agents, if you’re looking for where she may have hidden misappropriated funds, you might…
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12/29/10 Midnight Report: All Quiet on the Manipulated Front
The market continued to rise today on volume lighter than Ben Bernanke’s private sector experience and even lighter than ad sales for the proposed reality TV show tentatively titled “Two and a Half Men” where Hank Paulson, Paul Krugman, and Robert Reich will live in a house and try to solve the economy’s problems using…
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12/28/10 Midnight Report: Consumer Confidence Falls Yet Retail Sales Rise as Christmas Miracles Continue
The market continues to putter along in the last trading week of a year that has thoroughly confused Money McBags like the subprime meltdown confused Ben Stein, the cosmological constant confused Einstein, or a grocery store freezer confused Carrie Harkness. Money McBags remains cockposterously perplexed and today was a microcosm of his befuddlement as consumer…
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12/27/10 Mini Update: Twitter Me This
With nothing happening today in the market, Money McBags decided to use the Twitter to get his market on in 140 characters or fewer (and none of the characters were Humbert Humbert, Gloria Delgado-Pritchett, or Mr. Horton). Below is what you may have missed: — 1. MMB back tomorrow. spent today shoveling, wondering who keeps…
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A Visit From St. Bernanke
— Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the White House Not a politician was stirring, not even a louse; The economy was flung by Timmy without care, In hopes that St. Bernanke soon would be there; — The regulators were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of trannies danced in their…
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12/20/10 Midnight Report: Will the Economy Go Buy Buy During this Holiday Season?
The market crept up again today like Jessica Simpson’s pants or like Pete Townshend at a boy scout overnight (though all for research, wink wink). With the year ending next week and investor’s preparing for tonight’s lunar eclipse where the Earth will happily play Lucky Pierre between the Moon and the Sun (and this hasn’t…
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When Genius Prevailed Exclusive: Get to Know the Readers
Kind Readers, — With this week likely to be less eventful than a year as Paul Volcker’s prostate and even less eventful than Amanda Heard’s night at the Thunder Down Under (Google that one yourselves), Money McBags thought he would take a second to get to know his readers. In the past year, you’ve all…