banks
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10/14/10 Midevening Report: Foreclosure? I don’t even know her
The market was down today as foreclosure-gate threatens to shut down the foreclosure process for banks quicker than an AIDS ridden penis has shut down the porn industry, though with potentially much more dire consequences (unless that AIDS penis touched the lovely Tori Black, because Money McBags can think of no more dire consequence than…
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5/14/10 Midafternoon Report: Market loses again but Nets and Knicks still said to be interested
Oh shit, the market sunk today like Bernie Madoff’s grandchildren’s hopes and dreams or like a booze cruise captained by Joseph Hazelwood. Just when you thought investors had forgotten about Greece like John Edwards forgot about dignity (though perhaps he never had any) or Britney Spears forgot about underwear, it is back in the news…
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3/10/10 Midafternoon Report: Is that a bank rally in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
The market is higher today on the strength of a banking sector rally, positive economic news from China, and a likely date tonight with Izabel Goulart (because why else would it be this excited?). The macro news today has been slightly positive with wholesale inventories down only .2% sequentially in January after being down 1%…
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1/25/10 Midday Report: Bernanke likely to get bipartisan support despite claiming he doesn’t swing that way
The market is trying to rally after last week’s sell off which was caused by Obama letting Paul Volcker threaten to open up a can of whoop ass on the banking system, the senate seemingly hedging on reaffirming Ben Bernanke as Chairman of the Federal Reserve proving once and for all that the Senate is…
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1/22/10 Midday Report: Volcker? I hardly even know her.
The market continues to sell off as fears grow that Obama’s financial service regulation will limit the profitability of the banks who nearly destroyed the global financial system. How fucking dare he try to regulate these fine bastions of our economy who did nothing to deserve this other than invent complex derivatives based on loans…
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1/21/10 Midday Report: With healthcare solved, Obama to take on banking industry
The big news spooking the market today is Obama’s unknown plan to try to regulate banks. He is now said to be giving former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker the keys to palace and Volcker is rumored to be getting all Glass-Steagall on bankers’s asses telling them they can’t trade financial securities using their own deposits. …
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1/20/10 Midday Report: China flexes pimp hand and vows to curb lending, businesses cower in the corner and promise to work harder for daddy
The big news bringing the market down today is that China is beginning to realize they may have a bit of a bubble on their hands as they opened up their fortune cookie last night and saw their fortune was written on the back of a yuan (as for the fortune, it said “man who…
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1/15/10 Midday Report: JPM sends the market down on estimate beat, promises to do worse next time
It is a bizarre day on the market today as INTC crushed numbers and is down, JP Morgan turned a huge profit, yet disappointed, and the dollar actually gained last night as apparently Amanda Drury was at the New York Rick’s Cabaret and only accepted the local currency (ok, the last one may not have…
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1/13/10 Midday Report: Google threatens to pull out of China, claims “not properly protected,” but does offer to finish on China’s back
With macro news today apparently scarcer than free speech in Chinese search engines or free standing buildings in Haiti (too soon?), the big news moving the market is Google’s threat to leave China after China left the toilet seat up one too many times and refused to take out the trash. Google’s panties are currently…
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1/12/10 Midday Report: China trying to cool economy, hires Justin Timberlake to dole out stimulus funds
The big macro news today is that China raised the reserve ratio that banks need to hold aside as deposits, signalling that China’s central bank is starting to become acutely aware of inflation concerns (whereas the world is starting to become acutely aware of Christina Hendricks‘ “concerns”). Given that China is going to spend roughly…