Bernanke
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9/8/10 Midevening Report: Read My Lips: “Fuck you, rich people”
The market was up today as either it’s opposite day or we have finally reached the foretold Idiocracy since according to the Fed, the economy is showing “widespread signs of deceleration” (and that phrase is about as positive for the market as Magic Johnson being out of condoms is for one of his groupies). But…
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8/27/10 Midday Report: Economy GDPeed on
The market was up today despite the government lowering their forecast of Q2 GDP to 1.6%, down from the 2.4% they fabricated last month and likely up from the lower number they will make up next month in their “hold the shock and hope for no awe strategy.” Growth in the economy has now…
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8/26/10 Midevening Report: Market continues to sag as it lost its benefits package and can no longer afford viagra
The market was down again today because it was open and because good news seems less likely than Nouriel Roubini going long FAS or Ron Paul posing as the centerfold for the Fed’s monthly newsletter (we hear his likes would be small government, long walks on the beach, and insanity). Investors anxiously await tomorrow’s latest…
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8/10/10 Midevening Report: Fed quantitatively eases on down the road, hopes the road doesn’t lead to deflation
The market dropped in the morning like Ted Stevens’ plane (too soon?) which Money McBags read about on the series of tubes some people call the internets (perhaps if there had been a bridge going somewhere instead of nowhere, the plane wouldn’t have been needed, but Money McBags digresses), until Ben Bernanke got his quantitative…
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8/2/10 Midevening Report: Market hits ten week high as meth lab in the basement finally pays off
The market ran faster today than Roman Polanski going to get his keys to pick the baby sitter up because the manufacturing sector grew at its slowest pace since December, private construction spend dipped for the second month in a row, and Ben Bernanke said shit still sucks out there. So rally fucking on like…
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7/21/10 Midevening Report: Market “unusually certain” that it should go down
The market was chugging right along today like a Kennedy at a sorority mixer after Apple titillated the market with sales stronger than the breath of either of the world’s foremost cunning linguists, the great Vladmir Nabokov and the greater Janine Lindemulder, until Ben Bernanke got up and threw his figurative Baby Ruth into the…
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6/8/10 Midevening Report: Bernanke speech fails to significantly rally the market, says he’ll overpromise more next time
The market was relatively quiet today as there was a lack of macro news though Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke was out late Monday saying: “My best guess is that we’ll have a continued recovery, but it won’t feel terrific like a blumpkin from Sara Varone followed by a nice wipe with that oh so soft…
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4/14/10 Midafternoon Report: Market movin’ on up, only a matter of time before it buys a dee-luxe apartment in the sky
Oh shit, it is on today like fucking Donkey Kong only this time Mario is not only going to save the Princess but he’s going to get rich while doing so. The market is rallying like it’s 1999 with positive earnings, positive macro data, and not a fucking peep out of those Greek assholes who…
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3/25/10 Midafternoon Report: Bailouts, stimulus, and earnings. Oh My!
The rally is on again as Germany says they will back Greece, earnings are crushing estimates, and Bernanke is going to continue to stimulate the economy like he’s the delightful young actress Jessica Pare (moderately safe for work) and the economy is Money McBags. Bernanke spoke to the House Financial Services Committee today and he…
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3/2/10 Midevening Report: Market rises as member of the Fed retires, economists worried more retirements could cause bubble
The Fed is getting all jiggy with the markets today and the markets seem to like it. First Ben Bernanke’s number one henchman, the honorable Donald L. Kohn who in 40 years of service at the Fed never saw a market he couldn’t inflate, announced he is resigning from his position as Vice Chairman of…