The market was chugging along today, taking a brief respite to lick its wounds after Friday’s jobs report gave even the most virulent Bull a bad case of Foot in the Mouth disease, until it dropped precipitously in the last half hour like Helen Thomas’ reputation at a B’nai B’rith fundraiser.   With Europe’s ongoing debt problems and the US’ stagnant at best job growth, investing long in the market remains more perilous than fighting a land war in Russia in the deepest of winters (though not as deep as Money McBags would go in Ophelie Winter) or challenging Anamika Veeramani to a spelling bee (or just challening Anamika Veeramani to spell her name).  The US news that had the most effect on the markets early today was that Goldman Sachs was issued a subpoena from the FCIC, also known as the “too little, too late” commission.  Money McBags eagerly awaits the FCIC’s findings in several years, after no doubt much excrutiatingly toilsome research and much tax payer money has been spent, where they will 100% determine that we are fucked (of course we could save the time and money and just look for the reset button, but that would be too easy).  Seriously, that we need a 10 member commisson to figure this out makes as much sense as firing an employee because she is too hot (reason #989 why C is going to $0.  And as an aside, if Money McBags owned a bank, he would hire Ms. Lorenzana to manage his branch deposits anyday).  Anyway, the subpeona was issued as Goldman refused to submit documents the commission requested and when reached for comment, a Goldman spokesman said they just wanted to see if FCIC Commissioner Heather H. Murren would deliver the subpoena in person.  All along, Goldman Sachs has maintained that the suit is “unfounded in law and fact” and if one can’t believe what a company that has manipulated the market while bringing in absorbitant profits and destroying value for average citizens thanks to their buddy-buddy taint tickling relationship with the federal government says, then whom can one trust?  As Money McBags has maintained all along, Goldman and every other Wall Street bank were complicit in the destruction of the US financial system and it would be easier to find incriminating evidence on them than it is to find rolls of back fat on a topless, sunbathing Kathy Bates, you just need to find someone with the stomach to do that dirty job.  So it’s good that the FCIC is trying to grow a sac and go after them, but until they actually make some charges, this is all still lip service (though if the lip service is coming from the aforementioned Heather Murren, perhaps it’s not all that bad).

Internationally, German factory orders apparently grew faster than the cells of Henrietta Lacks as they surged due to the weaker Euro, increased private sector investment, and the uptick in demand for industrial strength floor buffers to help clean up the sets of Germany’s growing scat film industry.  Orders were up 2.9% in April from the 5% they were up in March which for the first time ever makes Germany Europe’s shining example.  Also, Hungary is still in the news as investors continue to try to find it on a map and wonder if to solve their financial crisis they should just gobble up Turkey.  Hungary’s financial crisis is the biggest turd to hit the country since the famous Diet of Turda in 1558 which established the freedom to practice Catholicism, Lutheranism, or by the name, apparently coprophagia.  Finally, fears are starting up again that China is increasing prices which will cause world wide inflation as they raise the minimum wage by 20%, though it will still leave workers wanting more half an hour after they receive their paychecks.  However, if China unpegs their difficult to spell renminbi from the dollar and allows their currency to appreciate while the their own product prices increase, foreign exports could become more competitve than Alan Greenspan at a bubble blowing contest.

In stock news, BP is showing their first signs of progress in stopping the oil leak which is destroying the Gulf and causing the slogan “drill baby drill” to be returned to Peter North where it rightfully belongs.  At this rate, the oil leak will be stopped and cleaned up somewhere around the time Paris Hilton finds some dignity.  Also, Money McBags favorite Dick “don’t call me Richard, or Rich, or Rick, or Rightaboutanything” Bove (and again, Bove rhymes with “Oy vey”) lowered his price target on BAC yet maintained his buy rating, mimicking his brilliant market call of Lehman right before they collpased.  Bove cited increased regulation, foreign exposure, and his lack of understanding of the financial markets for the price target cut.  Finally, BMY shares are taking off today as they announced that their experimental drug for skin cancer was found to extend the lives of patients with incurable melanoma by 4 months.  Patients were ecstatic, until they were told that four months that were being extended were Winter.

In small cap news today ISLE is falling back to where it was pre-earnings and after earnings Money McBags said the jump up was likely a quick short squeeze as the stock wasn’t cheap and the company is debt-ridden, and features bleaker properties than the Detroit version of Monopoly.  Not only is ISLE falling but WGO is finally ticking down under $11 on its way to $7.50.  The price of this stock makes less sense than the 11 dimensions of M theory or any song by the Black Eyed Peas.  And look out tomorrow for MLNK earnings.  Money McBags has written about this company many times as it is cheaper than a kissing booth being manned by Gabourey Sidibe after she downed a gallon of extra spicy garlic fries and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper.  It is trading at 3x a run rate EV/EBITDA with 50% of their market cap in cash.  They key to tomorrow’s release will be their cash flow statement to see if they were able to avoid burning cash as their business will likely have another sluggish quarter (according to them, though Money McBags doesn’t quite understand why, since their biggest customer HP had a good Q,  but perhaps tomorrow they’ll make it more clear).  So look for the release because when the markets get better (which is sometime between 2015 and the next Galactic Empire), this stock should have some nice upside with its current limited downside (again, barring a huge cash burn this quarter).