BP
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7/27/10 Midafternoon Report: Consumers still confident the economy sucks
The market bounced around today as it tried to find a direction like scientists are trying to find the elusive “God particle” (though apparently scientists have figured out where it isn’t which includes Jane Austen’s writing, Bernie Madoff’s bank account, and Jamaica. But newsflash Einsteins, you might want to check Brooklyn Decker‘s vagina because if…
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7/26/10 Midevening Report: Market rally excites quants as S&P rubs up against upper bollinger band
The market ran again today as Fed Ex boosted guidance due to international companies wanting shit faster and macro data headlines were manipulatedly good (like Cameron Diaz‘ face on a magazine cover). The big macro news was that new home sales jumped 24% which is the biggest jump since May of 1980 and totally sounds…
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7/12/10 Midevening Report: Hefner bid titilates Playboy stock, shares bust out
There was little news in the market today as investors waited for AA’s earnings tonight as a signal of things to come as everyone knows aluminum production is what really drives the economy (and yes that was sarcasm). Without much macro news other than shit continuing to get worse with temporary census jobs ending, republicans…
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7/6/10 Midafternoon Report: Heat wave melts market rally, or maybe it was common sense
Holy crap is it hot out today. It’s so hot that the only difference between the East Coast and hell is that Jim Cramer isn’t in hell, yet. Anyway, the market was rebounding a bit after downing several vials of muscle relaxant to help cure the severe case of lockjaw it developed from going down…
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6/22/10 Midafternoon Report: Home Un-Improvement
The market had trouble finding a direction for most of the day as news is thin and the summer is beginning so most volume is moving to the Hamptons where portfolio managers can sip on lemonade, listen to yacht rock, and denigrate the poor all while ignoring the economic data which has been so lackluster…
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6/18/10 Midday Report: Gold hits new highs, silver plans an intervention
It’s quadruple witching Friday today in the market which is unfortunately just the day where stock index futures, stock index options, stock options, and single stock futures all expire and not the day where the market finally gets a 5-some with Elizabeth Montgomery, Barbara Eden, Melissa Joan Hart, and Omarrosa. While this is usually a…
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6/16/10 Midday Report: BP sets aside $20B to be used on an oily day
First of all, Money McBags would like to thank all of you for your feedback yesterday. His inbox is currently overflowing like Whitezilla’s urethra after downing three cases of Mountain Dew in ten minutes (and feel free to google “Whitezilla” on your own time, Money McBags refuses to link to it due to good taste)…
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6/11/10 Midday Report: Retail sales drop as stores still insist on charging money
The market has been relatively quiet today after yesterday’s meteoric rise on news less relevant than the Pound-Dong exchange rate (and oddly enough Pound Dong was also the name of Alexis Texas‘ last movie) or the 93rd decimal of Pi (which incidentally is 2). In US macro news, consumer sentiment was better than analysts guessed,…
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6/10/10 Midevening Report: Market rallies in anticipation of tomorrow’s sell off
Readers, Money McBags apologizes for his absence yesterday, unfortunately he has a life outside of the great When Genius Prevailed and that life required him to spend all day watching Anna Paquin scenes now that she is oh so comfortable with her bisexuality, so you can’t really fault him for that. Anyway, today the market…
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6/7/10 Midafternoon Report: Hold on to your shorts as market continues on wild ride down
The market was chugging along today, taking a brief respite to lick its wounds after Friday’s jobs report gave even the most virulent Bull a bad case of Foot in the Mouth disease, until it dropped precipitously in the last half hour like Helen Thomas’ reputation at a B’nai B’rith fundraiser. With Europe’s ongoing…