China
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2/10/10 Midday Report: Bernanke’s statement stuns meteorologists, causes it to rain on market’s parade in the middle of a snowstorm
The big news moving the market down today was the statement from Ben Bernanke about the FED’s future policy plans. Bernanke was supposed to testify in front of the House Financial Services Committee but the snow storm in Washington caused the hearing to be postponed giving Barney Frank more time to make snow angels and…
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2/4/10 Midday Report: Market shows Paris Hilton isn’t the only thing that can go down
Tim-motherfucking-ber. The market is nosediving today like a Biggest Loser contestant going after the last gravy covered deep fried twinkie at an all you can eat “stuff that’s bad” for you bar (and no offense to you weight-challenged people out there, but did you really need to go on a TV show to figure out…
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1/28/10 Midday Report: Global economy still more fragile than faberge egg wrapped in Donald Trump’s ego
The market is down again today thanks to Qualcomm giving a subdued forecast and something again about people not having jobs. Luckily, according to the Fed, the recession may be over which has left many of the 10% of unemployed people loudly cheering from their urine stained cardboard boxes. The Fed upgraded its economic outlook, reaffirmed…
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1/26/10 Midday Report: An Apple a day will keep the recession away (especially if it’s one of those new tablets)
The market is bouncing around after Apple put up a ginormous quarter and is likely to announce their tablet on Wednesday while the global economy still sputters. In macro news, US consumer confidence rose to 55.9 from 53.6 and we all know how important it was to break that 55 barrier (actually, I’m just kidding,…
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1/21/10 Midday Report: With healthcare solved, Obama to take on banking industry
The big news spooking the market today is Obama’s unknown plan to try to regulate banks. He is now said to be giving former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker the keys to palace and Volcker is rumored to be getting all Glass-Steagall on bankers’s asses telling them they can’t trade financial securities using their own deposits. …
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1/20/10 Midday Report: China flexes pimp hand and vows to curb lending, businesses cower in the corner and promise to work harder for daddy
The big news bringing the market down today is that China is beginning to realize they may have a bit of a bubble on their hands as they opened up their fortune cookie last night and saw their fortune was written on the back of a yuan (as for the fortune, it said “man who…
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1/13/10 Midday Report: Google threatens to pull out of China, claims “not properly protected,” but does offer to finish on China’s back
With macro news today apparently scarcer than free speech in Chinese search engines or free standing buildings in Haiti (too soon?), the big news moving the market is Google’s threat to leave China after China left the toilet seat up one too many times and refused to take out the trash. Google’s panties are currently…
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1/12/10 Midday Report: China trying to cool economy, hires Justin Timberlake to dole out stimulus funds
The big macro news today is that China raised the reserve ratio that banks need to hold aside as deposits, signalling that China’s central bank is starting to become acutely aware of inflation concerns (whereas the world is starting to become acutely aware of Christina Hendricks‘ “concerns”). Given that China is going to spend roughly…
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1/11/10 Midday Report: China: More than just putting pee pee in coke
The news on the markets today is that China’s economy continues to soar like the Netherlands did in 1637 thanks to tulips or like Money McBags’ johnson did earlier today thanks to two lips. China’s exports rose 18% and was up for the first time in over a year leading chelation therapists all across the…
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1/7/10 Midday Report: Low end retailers post good sales numbers as formerly rich learn to slum it
Before we get to the better than expected December sales numbers for most retailers, we need to address the macroeconomy (So hello macroeconomy, would you like some viagra for your slow growth?). Today’s initial claims for unemployment came out and were slightly better than expectations (and all sources tend to agree about this, unlike yesterday’s…