COOL
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3/28/11 Midnight Report: Same Shit, Different Day
The market rose for most of the day like the radiation readings from the Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power Plant (where engineers recently found plutonium in the soil which is either from the nuclear melt down or a broken flux capacitor) until it sagged in the afternoon like Dez Bryant’s shorts (and perhaps his bank account…
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Quick Update: Bustman’s Holiday
Money McBags was out all day wearing his monkey suit to dance for the organ grinder so did he miss anything? — Holy fucking shit did the market get tossed like Gracie Glam in Whatabooty 8 thanks to new claims for unemployment claiming a lot more people are unemfuckingployed, China’s export growth slowing as Cream…
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Small Company Update: Is It Time to COOL It Now?
Money McBags wants to write about COOL today as they put up a Q more fucktastic than Sarah Shahi covered in $100 bills and doused with Bridgitte Bardot‘s nipple sweat (from an early 1950’s vintage bottle of course). Readers know Money McBags has often shit all over this company because, well, because it is a…
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1/26/11 Midnight Report: If a Fed Statement Falls During a Rally, Does it Make a Noise?
The market continued to rally today as the Fed voted to keep QE2 going (something about the economy being shitty, so rally on), bankers at Davos figuratively whipped out their cocks (which now seem so much smaller since they no longer get to mark to market) and pontificated about how regulation is bad for their…
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1/13/11 Midnight Report: Once Again, New Claims for Unemployment Claim the Economy Still Sucks
The market limped in to the close today as the dip buyers were somehow distracted by the jump in new claims for unemployment which were so far from analyst guesses that they were perhaps a Nassim Taleb-ian black swan (as opposed to a Natalie Portman-to-lesbian Black Swan), the continued rise of commodity prices (as companies…
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6/30/10 Midday Report: Technical levels blown, now they just want to cuddle
The market was flattish for most of the day until the last hour as some of the fears about Europe abated in the morning thanks to their banking system remaining open for at least another three months (so long enough for depositors to carve out space in their mattresses and pull their funds before the…
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3/17/10 Midday Report: With PPI down, optometrists now try to tackle conjunctivitis
The market is moving up again today as to the surprise of none, the Fed held rates near zero yesterday while restating their intention of keeping them low for an “extended period” (known as their menorrhagia strategy). The Fed did say they will stop buying MBS now that they have successfully kept home prices inflated,…
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2/2/10 Midday Report: Volcker to Banks: “Prop trade this!”
The market is bouncing back today even though it is a relatively quiet day news wise (though not as quiet as a Lindsay Lohan straight to video movie premier or a Trappist monk game of hide and seek). Pending home sales in the US rose 1% after falling 16% last month thanks to renewed tax…
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1/15/10 Midday Report: JPM sends the market down on estimate beat, promises to do worse next time
It is a bizarre day on the market today as INTC crushed numbers and is down, JP Morgan turned a huge profit, yet disappointed, and the dollar actually gained last night as apparently Amanda Drury was at the New York Rick’s Cabaret and only accepted the local currency (ok, the last one may not have…