DTLK
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2/22/11 Midnight Report: Big Flaps in Mid East May Require Libyaplasty
Tim-fucking-berrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Holy shit is it on like Qadaffi’s dong as protesters in Libya whip themselves up in to a frenzy over the lack of Joanna Krupa’s latest Maxim spread being available to them (or over their oppressive treatment at the hands of Qadaffi, their lack of say in the government, their non-existent job opportunities, and…
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2/20/11 Two Day After Report: Mideasterners Continue to Shout “You Suck Dictators!”
Stocks ended higher for the third consecutive week as protests throughout the Middle East continue to spread like misinformation during a political campaign or herpes in the Kardashian household. Yemen had its 8th day of protests (and for those of you unfamiliar with Yemen, it has a 65% unemployment rate, a 59% literacy rate, and…
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2/3/11 Midnight Report: Bernanke Says Everything is A-OK (Other than Employment, Non-Core Inflation, and Anything Else That Makes a Healthy Economy)
The market closed up again today as Ben Bernanke let the National Press Club know that either the economy is fucked, or it isn’t (Money McBags is still trying to decipher Benny B’s speech but as “blowhard” is what Money McBags’ considers a command and not a language, it may take some time), protests in…
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2/2/11 Midnight Report: Mubarak Challenges Quantitative Easing for Title of Biggest Pyramid Scheme
The market was relatively quiet today as protesters in Egypt clashed with pro-government supporters (apparently one group wore plaid and another wore stripes, how gauche), earnings were more mixed than a Barack Obama-John Kerry love child (and with a terrific radio voice to boot), and investors gathered around their TVs to see if Lloyd Blankfein…
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1/19/10 Midnight Report: Market Goes Down on Earnings, Did it Swallow Idea that the Economy is Improving?
The market sold off today as earnings were more mixed than Tiger Woods’ family tree, housing data continued to remind people that double dipping can cause more than just herpes, and investors were all liquidating their portfolios to get cash to buy those 50% off Amazon coupons at Living Social in order to get in…
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12/29/10 Midnight Report: All Quiet on the Manipulated Front
The market continued to rise today on volume lighter than Ben Bernanke’s private sector experience and even lighter than ad sales for the proposed reality TV show tentatively titled “Two and a Half Men” where Hank Paulson, Paul Krugman, and Robert Reich will live in a house and try to solve the economy’s problems using…
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10/25/10 Midnight Report: Show us your TIPS!
And now it has come to this. With the Fed set to print more dollars than there is available rag paper (though they will soon be able to use the tattered clothing of the homeless and long-term unemployed to make up for that shortage), the US Treasury issued TIPS at a negative yield for the…