EBAY
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2/10/11 Midnight Report: Market Shrugs Off CSCO Guidance, Prefers to Buy the Rip
The S&P closed up today despite earnings more disappointing than Congressman Christopher Lee’s online dating skills (because 1. If you’re married, don’t use your real fucking email address and 2. everyone knows the easiest way to an internet girl’s heart is through a cock shot and not some weird ass old man flexing pose, so…
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1/20/11 Midnight Report: When All Else Fails, Just Buy The Dip
The market was down strong in the morning as both fears of rising inflation in China and common sense seemed to hurt sentiment, but then like a phoenix rising from the ashes (though luckily not River Phoenix rising from his ashes, because that would have been weird) investors stopped adjusting their bollinger bands, refused to…
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4/22/10 Midday Report: Market struggles to find green on Earth Day thanks in part to the new planet threatening phenomenon of Goldman Warning
It’s Earth Day which means Al Gore is likely so giddy that he is rolling around the back seat of his electric car while warming his globes to thoughts of Susan Solomon’s ozone hole and Carmella Bing’s flourescent bulbs. And sadly, while all of this is happening, somewhere a polar bear dies. Anyway, the market…