ECB
-
2/3/11 Midnight Report: Bernanke Says Everything is A-OK (Other than Employment, Non-Core Inflation, and Anything Else That Makes a Healthy Economy)
The market closed up again today as Ben Bernanke let the National Press Club know that either the economy is fucked, or it isn’t (Money McBags is still trying to decipher Benny B’s speech but as “blowhard” is what Money McBags’ considers a command and not a language, it may take some time), protests in…
-
1/13/11 Midnight Report: Once Again, New Claims for Unemployment Claim the Economy Still Sucks
The market limped in to the close today as the dip buyers were somehow distracted by the jump in new claims for unemployment which were so far from analyst guesses that they were perhaps a Nassim Taleb-ian black swan (as opposed to a Natalie Portman-to-lesbian Black Swan), the continued rise of commodity prices (as companies…
-
12/20/10 Midnight Report: Will the Economy Go Buy Buy During this Holiday Season?
The market crept up again today like Jessica Simpson’s pants or like Pete Townshend at a boy scout overnight (though all for research, wink wink). With the year ending next week and investor’s preparing for tonight’s lunar eclipse where the Earth will happily play Lucky Pierre between the Moon and the Sun (and this hasn’t…
-
12/2/10 Midnight Report: Fuck Money McBags
Yeah, that’s right fuck Money McBags, what an asshole. He celebrates the one year anniversary of the award winning When Genius Prevailed by taking a Friday off for Thanksgiving (where he made sure he didn’t overeat) and then has not only dropped just one column so far in his first week back when clearly you,…
-
10/7/10 Midnight Report: Market flat enough to be part of the itty bitty returns committee
The market closed moderately down today as investors, gamblers, and algorithms everywhere await tomorrow’s jobs report which will likely be as telling as one of Eddie Long’s altar boys (well for the ten or so years prior to this one) because thanks to the delightful birth/death model (where the output is more hard-coded than the…
-
8/5/10 Midevening Report: New claims for unemployment continue to claim the economy still sucks
The market traded down today like anyone who has ever broken up with the delightful Brooklyn Decker as new claims for unemployment were out and were much worse than analysts had guessed (and not just because analysts suck at their jobs like one-legged kick boxers, but because we’re in a fucking recession). Money McBags hates…
-
7/9/2010 Midafternoon Report: Investors get excited and take off their shorts to allow long exposure to grow
It’s a quiet day newswise and thus the market is deader than the Cleveland Cavaliers as it awaits the start of earnings season next week. Dominating the news today are non-financial matters like LeBron James betraying his home town team (and Cavs owner Dan Gilbert is said to have slept with his johnson in a…
-
7/8/10 Midday Report: More bulls hit
The market jolted up on unemployment news this morning before remembering it had already gone up yesterday and thus quickly settled in like an environmentally friendly squatter in Al Gore’s mansion. The big macro news is that new claims for unemployment dropped to 454k or some number higher than that depending on how much the…
-
7/6/10 Midafternoon Report: Heat wave melts market rally, or maybe it was common sense
Holy crap is it hot out today. It’s so hot that the only difference between the East Coast and hell is that Jim Cramer isn’t in hell, yet. Anyway, the market was rebounding a bit after downing several vials of muscle relaxant to help cure the severe case of lockjaw it developed from going down…
-
6/2/10 Midafternoon Report: Market runs in the late afternoon as it attempts to get home in time for Oprah
It was a relatively quiet day in the market today which is more of a rarity than a downward sloping supply curve, a funny Adam Sandler movie, or a bad picture of Olivia Munn. The market was up though as pending home sales shot through the roof, of course now someone will have to go…