EU
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3/31/11 Midnight Report: On Opening Day, Fed Continues to Take Economy Out to the Bawl Game
The market was relatively quiet today as investors brace themselves for tomorrow’s Labor Force Participation Rate Report, Money McBags means Jobs Report, from the (No) Labor Department which will likely be more fictitious than a James Frey memoir, a Jayson Blair news story, or Ryan Seacrest’s girlfriend (at least the girlfriend who supposedly pees sitting…
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11/23/10 Midnight Report: Fed Minutes Show Only Hours Until Dollars’ Demise as the Economy Will Be The Real Turkey This Thanksgiving
The market is limping in to Thanksgiving like Kenny Easterday with a broken wrist thanks to the European Union being on shakier ground than Gabourey Sidibe on a tight rope, North Korea dropping bombs on South Korea after South Korea’s TSA apparently tried to touch Kim Jong-ils junk, and the Fed releasing the minutes from…
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6/18/10 Midday Report: Gold hits new highs, silver plans an intervention
It’s quadruple witching Friday today in the market which is unfortunately just the day where stock index futures, stock index options, stock options, and single stock futures all expire and not the day where the market finally gets a 5-some with Elizabeth Montgomery, Barbara Eden, Melissa Joan Hart, and Omarrosa. While this is usually a…
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6/8/10 Midevening Report: Bernanke speech fails to significantly rally the market, says he’ll overpromise more next time
The market was relatively quiet today as there was a lack of macro news though Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke was out late Monday saying: “My best guess is that we’ll have a continued recovery, but it won’t feel terrific like a blumpkin from Sara Varone followed by a nice wipe with that oh so soft…
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5/19/10 Midafternoon Report: VIX shoots up, claims it doesn’t have a problem, just wants to try to take its mind off global recession
The market got clobbered again today (until a closing minutes rally) like it insulted Preston Brooks’ uncle or like it had one too many shots of tequila while watching the donkey show. Investors continue to fear the impending doom of Europe with their quaint monetary system, silly accents, and love of black jeans. However, macro…
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5/18/10 Midafternoon Report: If you want to short in Germany, you now have to wear pants
The markets fell again today as US macro news was mediocre at best, fears in China have risen from red alert to Kung Pao levels, and Germany has banned naked short selling of stocks and CDS (though you are still encouraged to get long Salzgitter and Money McBags’ “salzgitter” would get very long for Sonya…
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5/14/10 Midafternoon Report: Market loses again but Nets and Knicks still said to be interested
Oh shit, the market sunk today like Bernie Madoff’s grandchildren’s hopes and dreams or like a booze cruise captained by Joseph Hazelwood. Just when you thought investors had forgotten about Greece like John Edwards forgot about dignity (though perhaps he never had any) or Britney Spears forgot about underwear, it is back in the news…
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5/11/10 Midafternoon Report: Europe bailout signals “too PIIGS to fail” policy
Did I miss something yesterday? Jeesh, Money McBags takes a day off to fine tune his factors of production and Europe decides to mimic Ben Bernanke’s “too big to count” strategy by printing up enough Euros to finally finish off the Bialowieza Forest or to get 36 very straight hours with the lovely Ashley Dupre. …
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5/6/10 Midafternoon Report: Europe to be the new Australia as european debt falls “down under”
The market continues to sell off as Angela Merkel happily plays her fiddle atop the Zugspitze while Europe burns below. The debt crisis in Europe continues to gain momentum like it has an improbable, though theoretically possible, coefficient of restitution greater than one or as if it were running for office with the promise that…
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2/25/10 Midfternoon Report: Goldman Sachs seeks nobel prize for literature after (under)writing biggest Greek tragedy since Euripides
Greece’s debt issues are once again scaring the market like the snake ridden visage of the famous gorgon from ancient Greek mythology known more familiarly as Lady GaGa. Rising debt, a spiraling deficit, and a massive bidding up of CDS by traders betting against Greece has created somewhat of a Foucault current around the Greek…