JOEZ
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6/3/10 Midevening Report: BP apologizes for oil spill while investors await market’s apology for recent 12% drop
The market held steady today like the Universe according to Fred Hoyle or the unemployment rate over the past several months. Speaking of unemployment, jobs data came out in advance of tomorrow’s already leaked positive government non farm payrolls report which will no doubt feature a birth/death model plug so large that it will be…
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4/14/10 Midafternoon Report: Market movin’ on up, only a matter of time before it buys a dee-luxe apartment in the sky
Oh shit, it is on today like fucking Donkey Kong only this time Mario is not only going to save the Princess but he’s going to get rich while doing so. The market is rallying like it’s 1999 with positive earnings, positive macro data, and not a fucking peep out of those Greek assholes who…
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4/13/10 Midafternoon Report: Alcoa opens earnings season not with a bang but a whimper
The market sold off at the open today but is climbing back like a Phoenix from the ashes or Paul Volcker’s economic reputation. Alcoa’s earnings initially brought the market down as they were a bit disappointing and Alcoa is considered to be the first bellweather company to report in this critical earnings season where baked…
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4/12/10 Midday Report: S&P approaches 1,200, asks if it can come up and see it sometime
Earnings season is about to begin and Money McBags is more excited than Thomas Malthus at a pro-abstinence conference or Tiger Woods at a sleepover in Charlie Sheen’s house. The Street is going in to this earnings seasons with expectations higher than those of Elin Nordegren in October of 2004 so a few slip-ups could…
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4/9/10 Midafternoon Report: Greek bail out back on causing market to fly like Icarus (though hopefully not quite as close to the sun)
The markets are higher today as fears of a Greek blow up subside for about the 69th time which is one more time than Ben Bernanke has taken an “accomodative stance” for the market in the past two months (and Money McBags isn’t quite sure what that means). In macro news, Retail sales were out…
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4/8/10 Midday Report: Citi execs sorry they broke the economy, wipe their tears with their outsized bonuses
Money McBags is back and the markets are selling off a bit as apparently people somehow still care about Greece going bankrupt (but then again, some people also still care about the Poincare conjecture, the etymology of Star Wars languages, and saving the whales, so whatever). Seeing as how Greece hasn’t been relevant since the…
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2/19/10 Midafternoon Report: Core inflation tame, good news for those who don’t eat or use energy
The market hung in there today despite Ben Bernanke’s surprising discount rate raise after the market closed yesterday. Bernanke continues to think outside of the box in managing the economy (and as long as it isn’t Hannah Hilton’s box, then Money McBags is fully on board because one should only think inside her box, never…
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2/4/10 Midday Report: Market shows Paris Hilton isn’t the only thing that can go down
Tim-motherfucking-ber. The market is nosediving today like a Biggest Loser contestant going after the last gravy covered deep fried twinkie at an all you can eat “stuff that’s bad” for you bar (and no offense to you weight-challenged people out there, but did you really need to go on a TV show to figure out…