Midafternoon report
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3/10/10 Midafternoon Report: Is that a bank rally in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
The market is higher today on the strength of a banking sector rally, positive economic news from China, and a likely date tonight with Izabel Goulart (because why else would it be this excited?). The macro news today has been slightly positive with wholesale inventories down only .2% sequentially in January after being down 1%…
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3/9/10 Midafternoon Report: Happy birthday bear market low, now go fuck yourself
Today marks the one year anniversary of the bear market’s devilish low of 666. To celebrate the nearly 70% rise since then, unemployed workers throughout the country are taking a day off from job hunting to resole their well worn and tattered shoes while Wall Street bankers are wiping their delicate behinds with their beluga…
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3/8/10 Midafternoon Report: Market more mixed than reviews of Oscar telecast (and for the record, Money McBags gave it two thumbs in the ears)
The market is quiet today, likely still in bed after staying up all night to watch something called The Hurt Locker win so many Oscars that that the people who couldn’t get tickets to Avatar may now go see it (that is if Alice in Wonderland is also sold out and they hate fun). The…
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3/5/10 Midafternoon Report: With Oscars approaching, the market is “Up” as economists “Blind Side”d by fewer job losses while strength of recovery remains “Up in the Air”
The market is running again as a result of the jobs report and inertia. According to the (No)Labor Department, the economy lost 36k jobs in February while the unemployment rate stayed steady (and for those cunning linuists or Nabokov fans, that is back to back anagrams) at 9.7%. This was better than the estimates of…
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2/26/10 Midafternoon Report: AIG loses more in Q4 than entire GDP of Malta, warns Botswana they’re up next
The market is a bit mixed today like the drug cocktail found in Brittany Murphy’s stomach. Sales of existing homes dropped for the second consecutive month, this time by 7.2% which is the second largest decline ever and is creating more of a buyers market than the internet did for newspapers. The decline was caused…
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2/25/10 Midfternoon Report: Goldman Sachs seeks nobel prize for literature after (under)writing biggest Greek tragedy since Euripides
Greece’s debt issues are once again scaring the market like the snake ridden visage of the famous gorgon from ancient Greek mythology known more familiarly as Lady GaGa. Rising debt, a spiraling deficit, and a massive bidding up of CDS by traders betting against Greece has created somewhat of a Foucault current around the Greek…
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2/24/10 Midafternoon Report: Bernanke channels his inner Greenspan and promises to keep rates low until the next bubble
Dizzam, Benny B went in front of the House Financial Services Commitee today and let everyone know that rates will be kept low for a more “extended period” than a menometrorrhagia sufferer. Despite last week’s back and forth between Bernanke and his henchman Thomas “T-Ho” Hoenig about the language used by the Fed in their…
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2/23/10 Midafternoon Report: Consumers are very confident in the economy getting shittier
The market has hit a speed bump today as consumer confidence fell to its lowest level in 10 months. Consumers are now less confident than a slightly overweight 16 year old girl with bad acne and a spastic colon on her first day in a new school. The confidence index dropped to 46, which is…
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2/19/10 Midafternoon Report: Core inflation tame, good news for those who don’t eat or use energy
The market hung in there today despite Ben Bernanke’s surprising discount rate raise after the market closed yesterday. Bernanke continues to think outside of the box in managing the economy (and as long as it isn’t Hannah Hilton’s box, then Money McBags is fully on board because one should only think inside her box, never…
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2/3/10 Midafternoon Report: Market seeking direction like troubled teen in ABC afterschool special, though with less crying and less Meredith Baxter Birney
The market is mostly lower today despite some moderately postive macro reports (moderately positive in the way that learning you have syphilis is moderately more positive than learning you have nut cancer). The ISM said the service industry expanded in January for the first time in three months, which may be one reason RICK is…