Midday report
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3/16/10 Midday Report: The Fed is coming! The Fed is coming!
The market is largely in neutral today as investors await the Fed’s decision on interest rates this afternoon. With the lilkelihood of the Fed keeping rates at their current low levels somewhere between the likelihood of Michael Lewis droning on about his bond trading days in his new book or the likelihood of getting herpes…
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3/15/10 Midday Report: March Madness is officially here as Moody’s thinks people actually care about what they say
The market is flattish today, likely taking a breather to fill out its NCAA bracket while trying to sleep off the headache caused by Dick Vitale’s pontifications yesterday on how loving Mike Krzyzewski is post-coitus. That said, Moody’s is out warning that major economies such as the US, Germany, the UK, and Vivid Video may…
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3/12/10 Midday Report: Macro data sending more mixed signals than a drunk married co-worker at a holiday party
The market was down in the morning with conflicting economic data having been released. Retail sales increased in February by .3% which easily beat estimates of a .2% decline (though the difference is so insignificant it could be contributed to a rounding error or some d-bag buying that one extra pair of Joes Jeans). Excluding…
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2/22/10 Midday Report: M&A picking up as small companies take out their diaphrams hoping to trap acquirers before rates increase
The market is running in place today as it awaits further earnings and macro news later this week. The big M&A news today is that Schlumberger is buying Smith International for $11B, while the big T&A news today is that Rhian Sugden is hot. Schlumberger, which sounds like what is served for lunch in Berlin…
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2/11/10 Midday Report: EU says they will bail Greek out but offers few details, claims they were drunk at the time
The Greek debt crisis in Europe is still causing uncertainty in the markets as the leaders of the EU gave a tepid, vague, and Spicoli-ian response to their discussions and plans to bailout the Greeks. The president of the EU, some guy named Jose Barroso who also doubles as the Prime Minister of some place…
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2/10/10 Midday Report: Bernanke’s statement stuns meteorologists, causes it to rain on market’s parade in the middle of a snowstorm
The big news moving the market down today was the statement from Ben Bernanke about the FED’s future policy plans. Bernanke was supposed to testify in front of the House Financial Services Committee but the snow storm in Washington caused the hearing to be postponed giving Barney Frank more time to make snow angels and…
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2/8/10 Midday Report: Debt crisis forces EU to pull Super Bowl ad, can only afford to broadcast it on new 24 hour Michael Bolton Hip Hop Channel
The market opened down again before bouncing back a bit as people are more worried about Europe’s debt problems than they are about global warming, health care spending, and that thing on Drew Brees’ face. The President of the EU’s Central Bank, Jean Claude Trichet (and it must be pointed out that his name is…
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2/5/2010 Midday Report: Unemployment rate drops as more jobs are lost, for next trick, unemployment rate to solve world peace by creating more wars
The market is down again today as Europe’s sovereign debt problem keeps rearing it’s ugly head like Mayim Bialik on the ABC Family network. The big news in the US markets is that the unemployment rate fell to a measly 9.7% (though if you include people who stopped looking for work and those working part…
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2/4/10 Midday Report: Market shows Paris Hilton isn’t the only thing that can go down
Tim-motherfucking-ber. The market is nosediving today like a Biggest Loser contestant going after the last gravy covered deep fried twinkie at an all you can eat “stuff that’s bad” for you bar (and no offense to you weight-challenged people out there, but did you really need to go on a TV show to figure out…
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2/1/10 Midday Report: Pat Sajak miffed as $3.8T budget allows government to buy as many vowels as they’d like.
Obama’s budget is out and it looks like more stimulus is coming as the administration continues to try to sweep the recession under the rug (though I hear it is a delightful afgahn this time as Mrs. Obama has uncomparable taste). The budget is roughly $3.8T which is equivalent to 190MM lap dances or as…