NTRI
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2/27/11 Two Day After Report: Will Market Win Best Actor Award for Impersonating a Healthy Economy?
Once again investors came out in full force to buy the fucking dip on Friday after learning that Qaddafi’s men opened fire on protesters in Tripoli in Moammar’s shoot first, shoot later negotiations policy, GDP was revised down to “QE3 is coming,” gold rose to over $1,400 an ounce once again making Flavor Flav’s teeth…
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11/2/10 Midnight Report: They’re baaaaaaaaaaack!
The market rallied today as election booths underflowed with discontented voters, unemployed workers looking for a warm place to hang out during the day, and douchey hipsters who thought the lines were for the Apple store. — Apparently the Republicans are going to win back the House and thus have 1/4 of the decision making…
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9/7/10 Midafternoon Report: “Banks for nothing, Europe”
The market took a breather today from its run up last week that was driven by misinterpreted news, false hope, and probably a bunch of fat fingers. Today, the big fear is that the Euro bank stress tests were not as stringent as they should have been, a fact so obvious at the time that…
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8/2/10 Midevening Report: Market hits ten week high as meth lab in the basement finally pays off
The market ran faster today than Roman Polanski going to get his keys to pick the baby sitter up because the manufacturing sector grew at its slowest pace since December, private construction spend dipped for the second month in a row, and Ben Bernanke said shit still sucks out there. So rally fucking on like…
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6/22/10 Midafternoon Report: Home Un-Improvement
The market had trouble finding a direction for most of the day as news is thin and the summer is beginning so most volume is moving to the Hamptons where portfolio managers can sip on lemonade, listen to yacht rock, and denigrate the poor all while ignoring the economic data which has been so lackluster…
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5/4/10 Midafternoon Report: Monty Python to rewrite script as somebody expects the Spanish Inquisition
Timberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The market is trading down as if Europe is going to go bankrupt like John Edward’s morals or like investors think it will give them AIDS (which means Magic Johnson is happily buying today since he can’t be infected again). The news continues to be fears that even with austerity measures and a bailout,…
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5/3/10 Midafternoon Report: Consumer spending up as sales of moral hazard increase (though to be fair it does come in blue this season)
Stocks are off to the races again today and the good news is that the market is seemingly being ridden by Calvin Borel. Sending the market up is that Greece is once again set to be bailed out, Warren Buffet was out defending Goldman Sachs, and people are spending more than they earn. Hold on…
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4/15/10 Midday Report: Tax day causes 53% of the US population to be pissed, other 47% pissed every day about being broke
Oh shit, just when the economy was looking better than a threesome with Hayley Atwell and Alice Eve, new jobless claims for last week rose for the second week in a row and economists didn’t have Easter to blame this time. Well, actually they did, as a government analyst once again warned that the numbers…
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3/5/10 Midafternoon Report: With Oscars approaching, the market is “Up” as economists “Blind Side”d by fewer job losses while strength of recovery remains “Up in the Air”
The market is running again as a result of the jobs report and inertia. According to the (No)Labor Department, the economy lost 36k jobs in February while the unemployment rate stayed steady (and for those cunning linuists or Nabokov fans, that is back to back anagrams) at 9.7%. This was better than the estimates of…
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1/21/10 Midday Report: With healthcare solved, Obama to take on banking industry
The big news spooking the market today is Obama’s unknown plan to try to regulate banks. He is now said to be giving former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker the keys to palace and Volcker is rumored to be getting all Glass-Steagall on bankers’s asses telling them they can’t trade financial securities using their own deposits. …