The market was up today as either it’s opposite day or we have finally reached the foretold Idiocracy since according to the Fed, the economy is showing “widespread signs of deceleration” (and that phrase is about as positive for the market as Magic Johnson being out of condoms is for one of his groupies).  But hey, Money McBags guesses that if the market can’t rally on that kind of news, then the terrorists win (and yes that was sarcasm).

In addition to the numbers for Pinky Tuscadero and a witch doctor, Ben Bernanke’s little Beige Book showed that manufacturing is still expanding but at a slower rate, consumer spending is holding up but not for discretionary items, lending is stabilizing or decelerating, and on this Erev Rosh Hashanah, Bernanke intends to blow the shofar with more vim and vigor than Sunny Leone blew anything on the set of Sunny’s Big Adventure.  Of the twelve Fed districts, 5 showed growth at a moderate pace, 5 showed mixed conditions or deceleration, and 2 showed positive or net improvements (but one of those was Cleveland where someone merely took dump on the sidewalk which led to the net positive).  In all, the Beige book released today by the Fed was about as exhilarating of a read as a Bill Bryson book only less snarky and surprisingly less full of shit.  So the economy continues to fumble its way to a double dip, a continuation of the first dip, or a self imposed swirly, while the Fed runs out of tools to further manipulate it.  Rally on my friends, rally on.

In other US economic news, President Obama spoke about his non-stimulus stimulus plan the details of which had been leaked last week to give the media more time to figure out how to spin it.  As mentioned yesterday, the plan calls for more infrastructure spend, tax cuts for businesses, and an expiration of the Bush Tax cuts for the rich (which will no doubt crimp the style of all of the so called Don and Dick Juans on seekingarrangement.com).   Also out today, mortgage applications fell last week by 1.5% as rates ticked up a bit from historic lows and refis were down 3.1% because apparently banks don’t like when you refi an upside down mortgage.  Surprisingly though, purchase mortgages rose 6.3% as either the seasonal adjustment factor was wrong or the Mortgage Bankers Association moved to using only absolute values.

In Europe, some of the fear that the continent is going to 0 abated a bit today after yesterday when people figured out six weeks later that the bank stress tests were more rigged than George W. Bush’s Harvard Business School admissions results.  Investors felt mildly better after Portugal was able to sell ~1.04B Euro bonds in order to continue to fund their economy and the great global ponzi scheme which is fast turning funding in to the least fun game of hot potato since these assclowns tried it.  The yield on the 10 year notes issued rose from 4.1% in March to 5.9% but don’t worry about more debt at higher yields because hyperinflation will soon come to save the day like a bizarro Mighty Mouse or Ron Jeremy (and you may have to think about that pun for a second or two).  And it wasn’t just Portugal raising debt as Poland was able to auction off ~$1.2B of bonds which met their highest demand since 2008 though was driven by Poland bidding on the bonds themselves as they remain unaware of how auctions typically work.  In order to generate interest, the bonds carry a 5.5% yield and will be personally delivered by Anna Jagodinska.

In stock news, GOOG was up on news that their search engine is now faster as it gives you results as you type (though that may be damaging for any eight year olds trying to understand the words “pussyfoot” or “cocktail”).  INTC and HPQ were down marginally after downgrades from buy to hold by UBS, and Money McBags never fails to relish in the irony of a sellside firm being called “You BS.”  ZGEN was up 84% after BMY agreed to a buyout making it one of the few times being associated with hepatitis has been profitable (this of course was another).  Finally Navistar traded down 7% after they lowered their revenue guidance due to military orders being pushed back in to 2011 and no one buying big ass trucks anymore (speaking of big ass trucks, keep an eye on Money McBags favorite short WGO and keep the other eye on Hillary Fisher).

In small cap news, QCOR shot up today until after hours when the FDA delayed the ruling on getting IS on label for their drug Acthar for the 10 billionth time (give or take a billion).  Given that Acthar already has ~40% market share and is the recommended drug of use for IS by the American Academy of Neurology, the Child Neurology Society, and NAMBLA, Money McBags continues to not understand what the fuck the hold up is in getting approval.  It is more perplexing than Carrot Top’s career or Spam.  The press release says the delay is because the FDA needs to “finalize the wording on the label.”  Really?  You’ve had months to fucking figure out what to put on the label and now you need even more time?  You’re not writing War and Peace here guys (and gals) so put down the Strunk and White and let’s get this label printed.  And if you need help, Money McBags has some suggestions for the label such as:  “Acthar:  It does a body good,” “Acthar: Fucking IS in the ass daily,” “Acthar: Take two and pass.“  Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?  Anyway, whether or not QCOR ever gets on label is no longer the driver of this story, selling in to the NS market is.  So while it would be nice to finally get FDA approval in what should have been a lay-up but is turning in to some thing more bizarre than being a colorblind synethesiac, the fact that this simple approval keeps getting pushed back gives the stock a little taint in Money McBags’ eyes (though not as small as Edward Nino Hernandez‘s taint) but any sell off could make a good entry point.

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Money McBags has a longer break out of DFZ’s Q from today that he will have up sometime between now and his date with Olivia Munn, so you might not want to wait up, but eventually it will be posted.