PPI
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4/14/11 Midnight Report: As Always, New Claims For Unemployment Claim the Economy Still Sucks
The market rallied a bit in the afternoon as rising new claims for unemployment missed analyst guesses by somewhere near a fuckton (give or take an asshair or ten), Portugal and Greece saw bond yields rocket up more than applications to LaSalle’s MBA program and even more than Kate Upton on the awesomeness scale, and
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2/16/10 Midnight Report: The Fed’s New Slogan: Where M-Raising Happens
The market rose again today (which is actually the new permanent opening line for Money McBags’ daily column so if you want to save yourselves five minutes, just add references to unemployment, inflation, Fermat’s last theorem, and Malene Espensen, then rinse, spit, and consider the column finished). That said, the market didn’t just rise because
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11/16/10 Midevening Report: The Suck of the Irish
The market crumbled today like Charles Rangel’s reputation as apparently Europe went through the TSA’s new back-scatter x-ray machine and was revealed to have a severely dangling Ireland. In addition to Europe being on the verge of another meltdown (or just a continuation of their previous one), China is trying to regulate inflation, and the
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9/16/10 Midevening Report: Americans flash foodstamps in Poverty Gone Wild!
The market was remarkably flat today despite a flurry of economic news including new claims for unemployment, the producer price index, census data on poverty, and Craigslist officially shutting down its section for sex ads (thereby forcing wealthy scumbags to seek other arrangements). The most important, and frankly confusing, of the economic reports was the
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8/17/10 Midevening Report: Market gets higher thanks to POT
Money McBags is back today after technical difficulties kept him from dropping some market knowledge yesterday. He’d like to say his absence was because he was busy trying to solve some of the world’s greatest problems such as auditing the recent proof of P vs NP (which showed that P does not equal NP, though
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6/16/10 Midday Report: BP sets aside $20B to be used on an oily day
First of all, Money McBags would like to thank all of you for your feedback yesterday. His inbox is currently overflowing like Whitezilla’s urethra after downing three cases of Mountain Dew in ten minutes (and feel free to google “Whitezilla” on your own time, Money McBags refuses to link to it due to good taste)
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4/22/10 Midday Report: Market struggles to find green on Earth Day thanks in part to the new planet threatening phenomenon of Goldman Warning
It’s Earth Day which means Al Gore is likely so giddy that he is rolling around the back seat of his electric car while warming his globes to thoughts of Susan Solomon’s ozone hole and Carmella Bing’s flourescent bulbs. And sadly, while all of this is happening, somewhere a polar bear dies. Anyway, the market
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3/17/10 Midday Report: With PPI down, optometrists now try to tackle conjunctivitis
The market is moving up again today as to the surprise of none, the Fed held rates near zero yesterday while restating their intention of keeping them low for an “extended period” (known as their menorrhagia strategy). The Fed did say they will stop buying MBS now that they have successfully kept home prices inflated,
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2/18/10 Midevening Report : Bernanke preemptively raises discount rate, causes Alan Greenspan to roll over in his grave
Aw shit, it is now on like donkey kong as the Fed is getting serious about some shit. This ain’t your Greenspan pushover, lolligagging, lobster tails and blow jobs for everyone, bubble creating Federal Reserve. No siree, this Bernanke guy is a straight up pimp and will bitch slap the market back to reality and