Posts tagged retail sales
3/12/11 Day After Report: Market Hit by a Spoogenami
Mar 12th
While there may have been a tsunami in Japan (and Money McBags heard rumors that it was caused by everything from Godzilla and Mothra learning that they had invested their savings with Bernie Madoff to a rush to the Apple stores to buy the new Hello Kitty themed iPad2), there was a spoogenami in the market as investors once again proved to be symphorophiliacs and fondled their long assets over the economy and geo-political peace getting ready to explode like a bad case of beaver fever (and unfortunately not the fever Money McBags has for Kate Upton’s beaver). Middle East uprisings? Jizzzzz. Falling consumer sentiment? Double jizzzzzzzzzzzzz. Job openings drying up worse than Tony Danza’s marriage? Who’s the fucking boss jizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. The worse the news, the more investors buy the fucking dip because, well, because Uncle Bennie would want it that way so just remember that the next time NFLX drops below $200 or support levels get blown more than Enrico Ponzo’s cover.
–
As for macro news on Friday, the University of Michigan’s consumer sentiment index fell to a 5 month low as people realize they need money to actually buy shit (well, at least until the crash of the ponzeconomy™ and the return to the barter system). The preliminary March reading came in at 68.2, down from 77.5 in February, and well off the median forecast of 76.5 among economists who once again show there is not one data point to which they can’t find the fat tail. That said, Money McBags gives a shit about anything that comes out of the University of Michigan (except for maybe Selma Blair) because there is a reason it is a safety school.
—
In other macro news, job openings dropped 161k to 2.76MM which was a 5,.5% fall and means there are fewer openings than in an imperfortate anus. The data points to 5 people now vying for every position, though twice that if the position is the rusty bike pump. When the recession began in December 2007, there we 1.8 people going for every job so if the (No)Labor Department can just remember to carry the one and continue to cut the labor force participation rate in Money McBags’ “Fuck Off Strategy”, we should be back there in no time.
–
Elsewhere, business inventories rose 0.9% in January to their highest level in two years which might be meaningful news if this weren’t already March. Also, retail sales posted their largest gain in four months as consumers increased purchases of autos, apparel, tiger’s blood, and bras to hold their monkeys (and um, really? Shit Money McBags has heard of a titmouse, but a titmonkey? What the fuck is this world coming to (other than Brooklyn Decker)?). The rise in retail sales was the largest gain since October and the eighth consecutive monthly advance as rising oil prices did nothing to dissuade rich assholes from spending some of the paper profits they have made thanks to the Federal Reserve/White House/Wall Street money printing cartel where greenbacks flow like Clarence Thomas threesomes. But just imagine how much stronger retail spending would have been if Warren Buffett hadn’t only paid himself $100k (and note to assholes writing that story who make it seem like Mr. Boofay is some kind of fucking saint and man of the people for taking such a low salary. 1. The guy is worth $50B so um, real fucking magnanimous of him there, really, it’s like applauding Hugh Hefner for not sucking every tit. 2. The guy is living high off the hog thanks to the government bail outs so if he were really magnanimous, he would give that $100k to Hammerin’ Hank Paulson. 3. As Charles Barkely would say” “Shut the hell up.“).
–
Internationally, consumer prices rose in China by 4.9% thanks to food prices rising 11% in February which means more people will have to opt for the cheaper non-pee pee flavored Coke. Additionally, Chinese PPI was up 7.2% and the rise in prices across the board is more worrisome than being David Davis’ barber. With China fueling global growth, any attempt by the government to curb inflation may cause a slowdown in the world economy which would be as helpful to this recession as a right sleeve is to Aron Ralston so this bears watching (while this really bears watching, and this bear is watching).
–
In the market Ann Taylor jumped up 12% after a good Q (and Money McBags just spent 30 minutes trying to write an Ann Taylor joke and all he could come up with is that it is an anagram for “try on anal,” so do with that as you will). Steel manufacturers rose across the board after Steel Dynamics increased their dividend and gave good guidance thanks to strong demand in their rail business and they hope to continue to prove that whoever smelt it, dealt it. Finally AIG was up ~2% after offering to buy back $15.7B in MBS the government took from them during the financial crisis. When asked about the risk, AIG’s CEO reminded investors that if the MBS fail, the government will just re-take them from AIG so the company has less downside than a blumpkin from Maria Fowler because that is what happens once you slide down the slippery slope of moral hazard.
—
In small cap news, Money McBags favorite SAAS put up a “meh” Q as their growth was a bit shittier than Money McBags had guessed (this is Money McBags’ initial break down of their business, and this is Sarah Shahi), their marketing spend should continue to sink eps as they try to grow faster than Sex.com’s valuation, and their software growth guidance failed to reach prior growth levels (they said growth will get back to 25% to 30% by year end and it was at >40% for the three years prior to this one). Below are the quick positives from the call:
–
1. Booking revenue grew by 98% on the same number of deals closed, which means they are moving more upmarket than Bree Olson. On the call they said they recently closed two deals with Fortune 500 companies so this is fucking great news, though not as great as finding out that Jessica Biel is now single again. Not only that, but one of their larger deals came from their joint relationship with salesforce.com so if that partnership can continue to be fruitful, that will be jizztastic.
–
2. Their legacy telephony business is done eating dick. That business should level off or grow from here as >50% of telephony revenue is now coming from their software customers, so that is a marginal positive.
—
3. They continue growing in Europe and the Philippines and the Philippines has a fuck load of call centers so that is a market they need to penetrate.
—
4. They have 20 sales people but open recs for another 13-15 more and this is one reason why their marketing spend keeps increasing but Money McBags loves when growing companies expand their salesforces because you need to get the word out to bring in businsess (of course if the word they are getting out is “harder” and they are Jennifer Ellison, then even better).
–
So what do we do here? Keep holding the fuck on. Seriously, nothing about the story changed and as long as this company can keep growing the software business, there is ~$1 of earnings power here 3 to 4 years out and the company is trading at 3.5x that which is cheaper than sardines in Redondo Beach. The bad news is that in the short term costs are going to be above Money McBags’ expectations and revenues aren’t growing as fast as he would like, so he is taking down his 2011 eps guess from $.17 to $.03, but it sort of doesn’t matter and that is the point. They could easily spend less on marketing and be profitable, but they want to grow faster and bigger than a Victor Conte client so it is what it is. This is a name Money McBags just owns and doesn’t really give a fuck about the day to day or Q to Q because as long as they don’t fuck anything up, this will be more of a long-term winner than Diane Lane‘s husband.
–
2/15/11 Midnight Report: Businesses Admit They Are Feeling Inflation But Claim Inflation Likes It
Feb 16th
The market was down today as retail sales disappointed (thanks to the weather, a little something called rampant unemployment, and everyone hoarding cash for the next generation of the fleshlight to be released), food prices continued to increase and spook investors as rising costs pushed 44MM more people in to poverty (though at least 13% of the increase in food costs was caused by Kirstie Alley‘s night out at Sizzler’s all you can eat bar), and Sports Illustrated’s latest Swimsuit issue hit the stands which caused investors’ dip buying trigger fingers to be otherwise occupied (oh wait, what’s that, it’s not 1970 and at the click of a mouse people can easily go to spankwire, meinmyplace, and goldmoney.com which all make the Swimsuit issue more irrelevant than valuation is for NFLX shareholders or Valentine’s Day is in Iran? Hmm. (And quick digression, but Money McBags hopes you all got his Valentine’s Day heart yesterday)).
–
The real news though continues to be the scent of inflation which is wafting through the air like the gentle bouquet of a carafe full of Chateau Lafite, only if that Chateau Lafite had been shit in by a homeless skunk who had eaten a week old Arbys roast beef sandwich and a pair of Tila Tequila‘s underwear. Money McBags has been harping on this for months now as you simply can’t perpetually stimulate the economy without pumping more money in to the system than Charlie Sheen at an AVN Awards show afterparty, and now inflation is starting to rear its ugly head.
–
As a result, companies are all warning about rising prices and more articles like this one about clothing prices to rise 10% are coming out daily as the media finally figures out that prices can get high off their money supply. Money McBags listens to a shit load of conference calls during earnings season (well technically he just reads the transcripts because the only thing more boring than listening to a CEO drone on about his/her business for an hour is Network TV) and ~90% of the companies he follows talked about rising costs and in turn raising prices. Holy Stagflation “Using the Wrong Stat” Man (the wrong stat being core inflation), maybe it’s time to make like Annabel Chong and load up on hard assets while everyone buys the rip.
–
And inflation is a global issues as UK consumer prices were up 4% to their highest in more than two years and double the Bank of England’s target as the country rushes to stock up on black jeans before the price of denim reaches cockposterous levels. Also, China’s inflation was up 5% on soaring food prices even though their version of the B(L)S (perhaps the phonetic BRS for them) recalculated the index to give less weight to food costs and more weight to housing costs because “Chinese food prices rising 50% in ten days” headlines were starting to look as bad for the country as Pedobear showing up to a Justin Beiber concert.
—
As commodities rise and cause rioting in Egypt, Jordan, Algeria, Iran, Bahrain, and casting couches across the world, one can only guess that Bernanke is playing for some kind of Kerr solution to occur (and if Money McBags were in charge, Miranda Kerr would be a frequent solution) and thus have time freeze before hyperinflation wreaks havoc like Silvio Berlusconi at a finishing school. It is certainly an interesting strategy, and not one Money McBags would have picked, but alas, Money McBags is a simple dick joke writer and not the unelected head of the becoming less free world.
–
As far as macro news in the US, retail sales rose .3% which was the smallest gain since a drop in June but witch doctors once again blamed the weather for the disappointing number as the weather is now becoming a bigger scapegoat than Waddell & Reed or Steve Bartman and will soon be blamed for other such atrocities such as kidnapping the Lindbergh baby, weakening the levees in New Orleans, and encouraging Chuck Klosterman to keep writing (that is if one considers what he does writing). In the details, building material and gardening outlets saw receipts down 2.9%, food service and drinking places saw receipts down .7%, clothing and clothing accessories stores saw receipts down .3%, and Lindsay Lohan‘s agent saw receipts down 69%.
—
In other macro news home builder sentiment remained shitacular as builders must compete with a glut of unsold properties, a shit ton of foreclosures, and stubbornly high unemployment causing fewer people to switch jobs than Manuel Uribe skips meals. The National Association of Home Builders/Wells Fargo Housing Market Index held steady at 16 from last month with readings above 50 indicating that more builders view sales conditions as good than poor and readings below 20 meaning more builders view sales conditions as fucking poor than really poor. And finally a report from the New York Federal Reserve showed a gauge of manufacturing in New York State climbed to 15.43 in February as the state produces more paper bags for Mets fans to put over their heads now that baseball season is getting close to starting.
–
In the market, The Gap was up ~6% after decent comps and after it was announced that Sears Chairman Eddie Lampert has taken a 5% stake in the company in his attempt to run another proud US brand in to the ground. Also, Fed Ex delivered a crappy quarter as a result of weather and rising fuel prices but the stock was up as investors focus on increased long-term shipping demand as emerging markets continue to emerge and the closing of local businesses ramps up e-commerce.
–
Finally, Barclay’s was up ~7% on better than expected results proving that even tougher regulations can be manipulated, Deutsche (bag) Borse bought the NYSE for $9.53B and a promise not to fire any of NYSE’s croupier’s, and SIRI reported a loss, though Money McBags was unable to hear the reason why as management was interrupted by a caller yelling BaBa Booey over the response.
–
In small cap stocks, SAAS traded down at the end of day on decent size volume for them on the same day Money McBags dropped 2.5k words on why he has such a crush on this stock that it causes him to be more tongue tied than Serene Branson. Also, GKNT got its geek on and shot up ~28% on a 53% jump in revenues. This is a weird little company and Money McBags actually spent a few hours looking in to it about a month ago and decided to punt on it because they are still burning cash and rely on hitting on trends to sell products (though they do have an audience that is potentially sticker than the floor of a bukkake movie set, so that is positive), Even with the huge Q the company still had negative EBITDA and earnings for the year, and a bunch of the jump up today had to be short covering, but Money McBags is intrigued because they have shown consistent topline growth. Definitely put this on a watch list for more work (and put this on a watch list for more jerk).
–
That said, Money McBags wanted to get to DGIT today as they obliterated estimates and jumped another 7% to close at a price ~$32.50 (and remember Money McBags told you to buy when it dropped under $16 on 8/30/10 after a bad Q and even took on some assclown in the comments section a few times showing everyone why Money McBags is the premier small cap analyst on the Street). After DGIT’s last Q, Money McBags advised readers to take some profits because the easy money had been made, but hopefully you didn’t take all of your profits because even more easy money is now being made.
–
As for the Q, revenue was up 32% but most importantly HD revenue was up 61% and that is the driver of this whole fucking business. They said HD is still only 11% of volume so there is more room for growth than in Sheyla Hershey’s old bra, especially as they grow internationally. EBITDA was up 47% to $38MM, GAAP net income was $.51 per share (though included a $.13 impairment write-down for Springbox, and Money McBags would like to spring in this box), and non-gaap net income was $.76 per share. Both their HD revenue and standard revenue beat Money McBags’ guesses as he had $29.5MM for HD and $38.5MM for standard and they killed it with $34.5MM for HD and $41.6MM for standard, so boo fucking ya.
–
So what do we do here as the company seems to be firing on all cylinders and the rumors of competition from Extreme Reach and Ascent Media are but a whisper. HD just grew 70% for the year so one question is what will it grow next year and another question is who is this girl and is she free for dinner? Anyway,after last Q Money McBags estimated HD could grow ~30% in 2011 and got an eps guess of ~$1.95 and an EBITDA guess of ~$125MM for the year, but shit that may be low. Lets assume HD grows 40%, their standard business grows 10% (~22% total top line growth), costs go up 15%, and the tax rate is 40% and we get to ~$2.23 in GAAP eps and the company is trading at only ~15x that right now but using a non-gaap number with stock comp we get to ~$2.50 per share. Not only that, but they have been running ~46% to 48% EBITDA margins so if we call it 47% (though it should scale as they continue to get leverage), and revenue ~$295MM, we get ~$140MM EBITDA.
—
The company has ~$73MM in net cash and a market value of ~$923MM, so an EV of ~$850MM and they are trading at only 6x that high end but reasonable EBITDA estimate. Shit, with that kind of growth they should trade closer to 8x and thus 30% upside to ~$42 is not unreasonable here. So if the stock trades down, consider adding a bit and if you still own some, hold on because this could be another solid year as they continue to have the killer app for HD ad delivery and as we saw, HD video is still at the inflection point.
2/3/11 Midnight Report: Bernanke Says Everything is A-OK (Other than Employment, Non-Core Inflation, and Anything Else That Makes a Healthy Economy)
Feb 4th
The market closed up again today as Ben Bernanke let the National Press Club know that either the economy is fucked, or it isn’t (Money McBags is still trying to decipher Benny B’s speech but as “blowhard” is what Money McBags’ considers a command and not a language, it may take some time), protests in Egypt remain violent as the police are now targeting journalists (so Fox News reporters can breath a sigh of relief), and macro news was for the most part relatively positive (though absolutely still mostly shittier than a game of Total Black Out).
–
The news of the day was that Benny B. assured the distinguished members of the NPC that the Fed is doing all it can to lift the markets higher, which of course is as much a part of the Fed’s mandate as “luck” is part of Porter’s Five Forces or Jessica Bratich is part of Blonde Island (though hopefully they will make an exception). That said, with Goldman Sachs now running things, increasing the paper portfolios of the wealthy so they will have more money to not spend, is now more of a priority for monetary policy that keeping inflation in check, cutting unemployment, or making sure they don’t get it in the wrong hole (and note to readers, Money McBags considers himself one of the world’s foremost creative geniuses, right along with Banksy, Philip Roth, and whoever thought up the Royal Blumpkin, and yet he was creatively humbled by the Wrong Hole song which brought a tear to his eye as being the highest of art).
—
As Bernanke said in his speech: “… the Federal Reserve’s securities purchases have been effective at easing financial conditions…equity prices have risen significantly, volatility in the equity market has fallen, corporate bond spreads have narrowed, and inflation compensation as measured in the market for inflation-indexed securities has risen from low to more normal levels…”
—
Now Money McBags is no cryptologist (though he has found both Waldo and the little man in the boat) but where the fuck in that statement lauding the Fed’s success was employment mentioned? No really. It is the the only thing these assbags should be focusing on other than inflation (and since they continue to use core inflation as a metric, which is as cockposterous as something called National Porn Sunday (and not just because the idea is without merit, but because if you are campaigning against porn, shouldn’t you hold an Anti-Porn Sunday? Yeah, it’s just semantics, but um, fairly important semantics), Money McBags is forced to completely ignore anything the Fed says about inflation because they are looking at fucking apples when they should be looking at adam’s apples). The point is, The Bernank is saying things are ok, because the market is ok, which is a bassackwards and unsustainable way of looking at things.
—
So while QE2 has led the market to rise, which Bernanke says is the goal, in the paragraph before that he said: “we expect the unemployment rate to remain stubbornly above, and inflation to remain persistently below, the levels that Federal Reserve policymakers have judged to be consistent over the longer term with our mandate from the Congress to foster maximum employment and price stability. Under such conditions, the Federal Reserve would typically ease monetary policy by reducing the target for its short-term policy interest rate, the federal funds rate. However, the target range for the funds rate has been near zero since December 2008, and the Federal Reserve has indicated that economic conditions are likely to warrant an exceptionally low target rate for an extended period. As a result, for the past two years we have been using alternative tools to provide additional monetary accommodation.”
—
So let Money McBags translate that last paragraph. “We have fucking failed to live up to EITHER OF OUR TWO MANDATES (in fact they have created inflation, even though Bernanke says it remains low, but again, core inflation, core shminflation) and normally in this environment, we would do THE ONE THING WE CAN DO, which is to lower rates, but WE CAN’T LOWER THEM ANYMORE, and even though all of this other shit we have done in theory has the same effect as lowering rates (wink fucking wink), it still HASN’T ACTUALLY FIXED any of the long-term structural problems. So we’ll keep trying to do other shit, because we get paid to act, not think, and eventually something we do MIGHT WORK, and if not, we’ll just change the definition of the shit we measure (like using core inflation or just excluding more discouraged workers from the labor force in the unemployment rate calculation), to make our decisions look like they are working.”
–
Money McBags finds the whole thing intellectually dishonest, but then again, he also spent way too much time today pondering the awesomeness of Jack LaLanne’s wife being named Elaine (yep, Elaine LaLanne. And pour some juice out for the great Mr. LaLanne while we’re here) and training to join Italy’s government, so what the fuck does he know? But Bernanke didn’t end with his speech as he had a Q&A where he said “The economy, though it does look to be growing more quickly, is still in a deep hole,” and Money McBags would say a hole even deeper than Taylor Rain‘s poop hole, and the ponzeconomy™ “is still very far from where we’d like to be.” And while he did acknowledge that commodities have shot up like Janis Joplin in between sets, he still maintained that inflation “remains quite low” and if he thinks inflation is low, Money McBags guesses he knows who does the shopping in the Bernanke family.
–
So things are working, but they’re not. QE2 was a success, but it wasn’t. And inflation is here, but not really. Fanfuckingtastic.
—
And it wasn’t just Bernanke speaking for the Fed today as Dick Fisher (which sounds like the moniker for a drunk, motor impaired fat chick trying to undo a gentleman’s pants zipper), the President of the Dallas Fed, channeled his inner Thomas Hoenig and said he will not vote for more stimulus after June, just don’t hold him to it.
–
As for macro news, it was actually mostly positive today as initial claims for unemployment dropped by 42k to 415k (or by 39k if one uses the non-upwardly revised numbers from last week, but what is 3k job losses among friends?), and while that beat guesses of 420k, it continued to signal that the economy still sucks. Elsewhere, the services sector grew at its fastest pace since August 2005 largely due to strip clubs in Dallas hiring up for the Super Bowl. What was most interesting about the services report was that the prices paid component rose to 72.1 from 69.5 which either means inflation is worse than the Fed is ignoring, or more people simply paid up for the happy ending. Finally, retailers reported gains despite spending the last several weeks blaming the snow and no one having any fucking money.
—
Internationally, the ECB is keeping rates at record lows though “very close monitoring is warranted” for inflation and for Lucy Pinder. Inflation in the euro zone rose an estimated 2.4% in January which is nearly 50 bps above the ECB’s target so Europeans better buy those black jeans now before they become too expensive.
–
In the market, Merck beat guesses but gave a shitty profit outlook below analyst guesses as a result of higher costs and the failure of a blood clot drug (though while the drug may not have been successful in shrinking blood clots, it was successful in shrinking Merck’s shareholders’ portfolios). Elsewhere, Mastercard’s profit was up 41% to $3.16 per share which charged ahead of analyst guesses of $3.04 per share. Chief Executive Ajay Banga (which strangely enough doubles as Money McBags’ porn name) said the 11% revenue growth showed “quarter-over-quarter improvement in all regions” as people go back to spending money they don’t have with a desire to pay it back in the future with dollars that are worth less.
–
In other news, GMCR brewed up a good Q and jumped 15% on the strength of 65% revenue growth which caused shorts to cover faster than if someone walked in on them while they were browsing Spankwire.com. But since GMCR is a heavily shorted name, that could only mean that mouthpiece for the shorts Herb Greenberg was out slamming the company to try to save his masters’ books. It’s amazing how when a hedge fund short favorite pops, little Herbie Greenberg is there like an obedient parakeet to repeat the hedge fund company line and try to talk around numbers so his buddies don’t get caught holding the bag. Money McBags guesses It’s good work if you can get it.
—
Finally, BJs caused investors to smile as it jumped 13% on more talk of having the company swallowed in an acquisition. And NY Times was down as print advertising dried up worse than Cloris Leachman‘s uterus. Revenue slid 2.9% and they had a 26% decline in profit due to shrinking circulation and something called the internet.
–
In small cap news, DTLK continued its ridonkulous rally as it rises almost as fast as Amanda Seyfried’s popularity after her brilliant scene in Jennifer’s Body (and Money McBags would like to be in this Jennifer’s body). That said, the name Money McBags wants to point out today is SFLY which snapped its way up ~18% after their earnings beat guesses. Remember the other day Money McBags pointed this company out and said: “His gut tells him they are going to have a big Q (because everything else has) but with the way they are priced, a miss should cause a big sell off, like Pam Anderson‘s career once she turned 35. So the name should be volatile either way and Money McBags is curious to dig in because if they miss, it could be a good short candidate.” So if you bet with Money McBags’ gut, congratulations.
–
The company had 27% revenue growth and for the full year earned $67MM of adjusted EBITDA, $44MM FCF, and gave guidance for $1.16 to $1.24 in non-GAAP earnings for 2011 which means they are now trading at >33x guidance or ~25x minus the $8 per share of net cash they have on their balance sheet. With growth forecast to be ~20%, barriers to entry and any competitive advantage shrinking daily as new technology comes out, SFLY just kind of seems too expensive to Money McBags. Look, he gets it. People like being able to put their cock shots on mugs, magnets, and mouse pads. They also love creating photobooks of their staycations and calendars of their home decor, and that business is ~60% of revenue growing 35% and numbers like that usually makes Money McBags’ cock hard (though so does the wind blowing and the name Malene, but whatever). Fuck, Money McBags even likes that their product is hella user friendly, that they are trying to incorporate more video, and that Sarah Shahi decided to pose for Esquire (and this last point has nothing to do with SFLY, but it is a very good thing).
–
The point is this stock has been working and likely will continue to work but it’s just not a company that Money McBags will likely ever own. We all have our own investment styles and biases and Money McBags prefers growth stocks that are less momentum-y and have multiples that aren’t so high that one miss will cause the stock to crater. SFLY feels like a pretty classic momo growth stock, perhaps not as drastic as OPEN or NFLX, but a stock where valuation is less relevant than the perception of future growth. Money McBags can fully admit that SFLY may continue to work (though today’s run up was likely caused by short covering as much as anything since 10% of the float was short) as momentum players are in the name, the business is growing, and it has the kind of economies of scale that can deliver solid operating leverage. But with an elevated valuation, it’s not something Money McBags is itching to pursue (unlike this which he would let pursue any of his itches).
–
Money McBags wanted to dive in to SFLY’s quarter in more detail, but didn’t have the time. That said, he is sure he would have come out with a negative opinion and yet more sure that the stock will keep working (after it drops a bit tomorrow now that shorts have covered). It’s a style thing, so feel free to do some work and play the momentum here, you’ll probably do well, but Money McBags simply prefers names that offer him more downside protection (though he reserves the right to change his opinion if/when he dives in more).
1/6/11 Midnight Report: Tweeting the Dip
Jan 6th
Money McBags is not going to have a full column tonight as he is burned the fuck out after the last three days of producing more material than Gabourey Sidibe‘s Oscar dress maker while scratching his head over all of the dip buying.
—
Instead of a column today, Money McBags hit the twitter and gave snippets of what he would have dick joked about had his Broca’s Area not decided to broke-a down (see, look how awful that pun is). If you don’t follow Money McBags on the twitter (though why wouldn’t you?), below is the shit you missed.
–
First the facebook, & now linkedin rumored to be IPOing. Wake MMB when NSFW http://guesshermuff.blogspot.com/ hires bankers
–
Money McBags will be back tomorrow to break down the NFP report (which he expects to be a fuckload better than the 175k estimated as it has been telegraphed worse than a morse code message from a parkinson’s sufferer), to shed light on the movers of the day (and hopefully one of those movers will be Rachael Cordingley), and most importantly, and as always, to love some NSFW strangers.
–
If any of you have questions, stocks you want Money McBags to look in to, or outtakes from the Natalie Portman-Mila Kunis Black Swan love scene, Money McBags can always be reached at moneymcbags@gmail.com or in the comments section.
12/28/10 Midnight Report: Consumer Confidence Falls Yet Retail Sales Rise as Christmas Miracles Continue
Dec 29th
The market continues to putter along in the last trading week of a year that has thoroughly confused Money McBags like the subprime meltdown confused Ben Stein, the cosmological constant confused Einstein, or a grocery store freezer confused Carrie Harkness. Money McBags remains cockposterously perplexed and today was a microcosm of his befuddlement as consumer spend continues to refudiate, repudiate, and refuckingdoodyiate negative macro trends such as high unemployment, falling housing prices, and increasing memberships to the lemon party (and kind readers, if Money McBags were you, he would not go to the url in the sign that guy is holding up in the picture. Money McBags simply reports the news, so don’t say he didn’t warn you).
—
Anyway, the point is that Money McBags is struggling to interpret the data in any meaningful way (his past attempts to interpret it using modern dance and the Rosetta Stone have failed miserably) other than that we now live in a completely bifurcated society (more bifurcated than Kenny Easterday) where income inequality is growing and the rich continue to spend on shit they don’t need with only desperation and despair trickling down the other 95% of the country. How else does one explain whole towns going into bankruptcy while sales of jewelry, pocketbooks, and roses remain at absurd levels?
–
In macro news today, holiday retail sales were said to be up ~5.5% according to MasterCard’s SpendingPulse and were led by apparel (up 11.2%), jewelry (up 8.4%), and Michelle Ryan’s newest video (up podophilia %). Guesses are that the sales increase was the biggest in five years with spending reaching around $584.3B (and if spending were Elisabetta Canalis, Money McBags wishes it would reach around him), compared with $566.3B in the same period of 2007. Money McBags can only conclude that a rising stock market sinks all grips (on reality).
—
In stark opposition to the retail sales numbers, consumer confidence declined in December (now that’s a mouthful or what is more commonly known as, a “Joe Dimaggio”). The Conference Board’s index of consumer confidence slipped to 52.5 from an upwardly revised 54.3 in November as apparently consumers just got their credit card bills from their holiday spending sprees. That said, the index was below even the most pessimistic witch doctor surveyed by Bloomberg as economic models continue to use data more outdated than the theory of luminiferous aether or one-pieces. Most interestingly, the “jobs hard to get” index (with jobs hard to get including the President of the US, Small Forward for the Miami Heat, and Bar Refaeli‘s brazillian waxer) rose to 46.8% in December from 46.3% last month, while the “jobs plentiful” index dropped to 3.9% from “Suckers!”
–
And consumer un-confidence numbers weren’t the only shitty macro news out today as according to Case-Shiller (the Bartles and Jaymes of macro data if you will, since they thank you for supporting their 3 month old numbers), home prices continue to fall (or at least they fell in October which the data measures). The index showed that single-family home prices fell for the for the fourth consecutive month thanks to a supply greater than hypocritical politicians as a result of home foreclosures, high unemployment, and people needing to use their money for health insurance instead of on houses in case they are called on to perform in that new Spiderman play which is now on their 104th round of understudies. The index of 20 metropolitan areas declined 1% in October from September on a seasonally adjusted basis which is a much steeper drop than the 0.6% fall expected by economists but consistent with the “economy sucks” theory.
—
Internationally, France’s GDP was revised down “un peu” to un poo poo (and yes that could be the worst line Money McBags has written in the history of the award winning When Genius Prevailed, and if asked, he will tell you that he is not bilingual, though he is a big supporter of their community). Anyway, France’s GDP was lowered as a result of weaker investments in public works, slower consumer service activity, and wasted time by workers trying to catch a glimpse of Carla Bruni.
—
As for the markets, they were pretty much deader than Dick Cheney’s chance of becoming the next King of Nigeria, or human. The only interesting news is that Wall Street likes GM again as the Street suffers from worse memory loss than a concussed amnesiac after downing a fifth of Mad Dog and a bottle of roofies. Apparently analysts are all jazzed up about GM’s new and refreshed models (while Money McBags is all jizzed up about Hawaiian Tropic’s new and refreshed models) as 2012 will be different from all other years because 2012 will finally be the year that consumers start demanding shitty cars. Money McBags now anxiously awaits tomorrow’s analyst upgrades of Enron, Lehman, and Bo Derek‘s career.
—
As for small cap stocks, EPAY (which Money McBags has mentioned frequently, just throw it in to the search box) was up ~6% on big volume and has been spiking more than Andrew Jackson’s popularity after the Battle of New Orleans. Money McBags didn’t see any news but perhaps someone is speculating on an upcoming transaction since the company says they will be acquirers with their extra large shitload of cash. Otherwise, there isn’t much going on right now and Money McBags needs to rerun his screens to find some new ideas. He thinks RICK has a good 6 months in front of them, continues to like CTGX and wishes he could get a better update on the profitability of their EMR installations as well as capacity, and thinks SAAS has some real upside. Otherwise, shorting WGO is a good idea here, though not as good as shorting Teena Marie’s career. Money McBags’ research may be a bit sparse this week with the holidays, New Years, and release of the NSFW Natalie Portman-Mila Kunis lesbo scene from The Black Swan, but you can always ask him questions at moneymcbags@gmail.com or in the comments section. He has also been fucking around a bit more with the twitter, so feel free to join him there.
12/20/10 Midnight Report: Will the Economy Go Buy Buy During this Holiday Season?
Dec 21st
The market crept up again today like Jessica Simpson’s pants or like Pete Townshend at a boy scout overnight (though all for research, wink wink). With the year ending next week and investor’s preparing for tonight’s lunar eclipse where the Earth will happily play Lucky Pierre between the Moon and the Sun (and this hasn’t happened during the winter solstice since 1638, or back when gold was the preferred currency, liberals tried to control thought in Massachusetts, and Larry King was patching up another marriage, so um, Money McBags guesses some things never change), the market is destined to float along as portfolio managers are more likely to challenge Lexington Steele to a cock off than they are to do anything to cause volatility right before bonus season. So feel free to ignore the market movements over the next week and a half and rebalance your portfolio for the first of the year.
—
With a dearth of macro news today (in fact macro news was scarcer than panties on Britney Spears and even scarcer than astatine), the only news Money McBags could find relevant to the markets was that retail sales had another strong holiday weekend. The strength of retail sales remains cockposterously confounding to Money McBags, even more confounding than the efficient market hypothesis or this food insurance thing (that video was some kind of farce, right?).
–
How is it possible that according to some guy named Craig Johnson, the President of some place called Customer Growth Partners, holiday sales this season will surpass 2007′s total sales record of $508B (and Craig, Money McBags hates to tell you how to run your business, but if you bill yourself as a consumer and service strategist, perhaps you should have a website that doesn’t look like it was made in 1994 using MS-DOS and whatever carayola crayons were left over in the box)? This just doesn’t make sense to Money McBags and he proposes that instead of having smart people waste their time proving that genes cause infidelity (especially these jeans), we get them to look in to how people can block out potential disastrous future events (like spiraling debts, diminished retirement accounts, and Nikki Cox turning in to Carrot Top. Oh Nikki, you once had such great promise) and continue to spend on shit they don’t need and can’t afford. Money McBags just doesn’t get it, but then again, he doesn’t get Dancing with the Stars or Paul Krugman OpEds, so perhaps he is the one who is in the wrong.
–
Anyway, according to something called SpendingPulse (and someone needs to take Money McBags’ pulse over all of this spending), eCommerce sales rose 13.5% and apparel sales were up 9.8% from the start of the holiday season through Dec. 11 compared with the same period a year ago So just think how strong sales will be once QE3 hits. ComScore showed online sales in the most recent week ended Dec. 17 grew 14% to $5.15B and there were four individual days last week where sales topped $900MM (those days of course included “Green Monday”, “Plastic Tuesday”, and “Bankruptcy Wednesday”). But hey, as long as people will keep selling hamburgers today for payment on Tuesday, and as long as banks don’t take any risk when lending since Uncle George and Uncle Obama have had their backs, then there is no reason the economy can’t go to cockfinity. So buy away, buy away.
–
Oh yeah, Money McBags loved this story about middle of the road bankers (known collectively as Jefferies) who are getting their cuff links all in a bunch about the prospects of potentially not getting bonuses. Money McBags would feel badly for them if they 1. Did anything productive for society (like writing dick jokes on the market from their dining room table). 2. Didn’t just have their base pay doubled to make up for the lack of bonuses. 3. Needed that money to release Angeline Moncayo nude pictures. But since none of those are true, Money McBags will gladly give them a full case of “who gives a shit” should they require further compensation.
–
In Europe, stocks closed at 27 month highs because apparently no one gives a shit about Ireland and their lack of liquidity. In a position paper published on its website (and Money McBags only hopes that position was the Iraqi Drill Press), the ECB said legal flaws in Ireland’s bailout legislation could affect its rights over collateral security which is the multi-syllabic way of the ECB saying “there is a bit of a chance we may have fucked up.”
–
In the market, NFLX’s CEO called out noted turd in the punchbowl Whitney Tilson (who never met a copy of Securities Analysis whose pages he couldn’t stick together), about Tilson’s NFLX short. The CEO said competitive threats, bandwidth costs, and the CFO departure weren’t issues and that as soon as people in China get running water, and then electricity, and then TVs, and then wifi, NFLX’s valuation will look only mildly expensive.
–
Elsewhere, AXP was down ~3% after Stiffy Nicolaus wondered if consumers will start leaving home without it (and that is the Jay Leno joke of the day). The analyst warns that now that the Fed has proposed a cap on debit card interchange fees merchants are forced to pay, it could cause merchants to steer consumers away from credit cards. Stifel Nicolaus said the company is “more exposed” following last week’s Federal Reserve proposals, though not as exposed as Snooki will be when she drops in the ball (and Money McBags finds that a nice change of pace since usually the balls drop in her), and worries that cutting interchange fees could be next for credit cards.
–
Finally, Chesapeake energy chesa-peaked up 7% after it was learned that Carl Icahn built up a ~6% position in the firm and Raytheon announced they are paying an 8.5% premium of $490MM for APSG. APSG provides surveillance and cybersecurity equipment to the Pentagon to make sure viruses aren’t downloaded on to important government servers after intelligence officers play the NSFW silicon challenge.
–
In small cap news, RICK was up ~6% and remember last week Money McBags broke down their Q and said now was the time to buy back in to this consumer necessity product. The company should earn between .044 and .050 lap dances per share in fiscal 2011 and they are trading at only 8x to 9x that with consistent 10% growth (and Money McBags can assure he grows at least 10% every time he goes to Rick’s). This isn’t a long-term trade, but RICK has the momentum and a decent margin of safety, trading at only 5x EV/EBIDTA and <10x earnings, to have a nice 40% or 50% run here to reach a price of .60 lap dances to .80 lap dances.
—
Most cockpleasingly though, ZAGG channeled their inner NFLX and released a statement today refuting some “random implications” about their company posted on some blog at SeekingAlpha. Oh god, this makes Money McBags’ balls tickle with the absurdity of it all. While it is bizarre enough that NFLX felt the need to call out Whitney Tilson, at least they did it point by point and at least one person other than Mrs. Tilson has heard of Whitney. In contrast, ZAGG called out some anonymous short, didn’t say which comments they objected to, didn’t try to set them straight, and at the end said “Further comment on this matter will not be provided by the company or its advisors.” Wow, that is some weird ass shit, even weirder than Carnie Wilson admitting she is fat as fuck. But here is the best part, the short ZAGG was addressing is some guy called Worthless Pennies and this was likely his latest missive.
–
Look ZAGG management, Money McBags shouldn’t have to tell you how to run your company, and he has been critical of you in the past (because your business is selling a commodity product where eventually margins will be frittered away like a married guy’s dignity), but YOU DON’T RESPOND TO SOME DICKBAG WITH A MADE UP NAME POSTING A BLOG. Seriously, do you need someone named Money McBags to tell you that?
—
For fucksake, it’s one thing if Whitney Tilson gets a bug up his ass about your company because he can tell all of his douchey rich hedge fund friends and they can band together to manipulate your stock, but Worthless Pennies ain’t no fucking Whitney Tilson. Trust Money McBags on this, there is not one institutional investor or hedge fund (you know, the people who have enough money to move your stock), who is reading anything this guy writes. So if you want to build credibility and act like a real fucking company, just shut the fuck up and manage your business unless you plan to respond to every sith lord and hornyass69 that posts on Yahoo! as well.
—
Here’s the deal, Money McBags has no idea if what Worthless Pennies says is true, and frankly, he doesn’t give a shit. It’s irrelevant to him. Money McBags thinks the business has long term flaws and an inexperienced and promotional management team and this ill-advised missive from ZAGG management does nothing to quell the later. The whole thing just looks silly, but kudos to ZAGG for beginning “an investigation into the circumstances around the trading in ZAGG stock and options on Thursday, December 16, 2010. The company has filed a formal complaint with the Chicago Board Options Exchange and will report this matter to the Securities and Exchange Commission’s Division of Trading and Markets and Division of Enforcement.” No really, Money McBags is sure that at the end of the investigation the SEC will send Worthless Pennies to his room with no dinner and maybe even not let him go to prom. Anyway ZAGG, if you think some seekingalpha article can cause that much REAL movement in your stock, then that is all Money McBags needs to know about your management team.
—
The point is, this does nothing to change Money McBags’ long-term short view of ZAGG (which is based on logic and reason) and he will continue to give them credit for the nice quarters they have put up (he just doesn’t see them lasting). That said, he now eagerly awaits their next statement where they may take on someone named Goh Lik Kok on 4chan for posting that ZAGG eats babies.
12/14/10 Midnight Report: Fed Policy Blows, Spits Out Unemployment
Dec 15th
The Fed’s monthly statement on the economy was out today and it was more redundant than a repetitive semantic pleonasm and less telling than a gay soldier (though it’s not clear that anyone asked). The FOMC statement was little changed from last month with the headline being that the economic recovery is still eating a fat dick (and not any fat dick, but an AIDS infested one, and not the fake AIDS that Magic Johnson has, but the real Rock Hudson type Aids) and is “insufficient to bring down unemployment.”
—
So hoofuckingray that in the 18th month since the recession ended (according the NBER who apparently forgot to carry a few ones in their analysis), unemployment remains more elevated than a hyperglycemic’s blood sugar level after a downing a case of Jolt cola and a box ding dongs and more elevated than Money McBags heart rate when he sees the lovely Karolina Kurkova. But there is nothing about which to worry because the Fed is finally fully engaged on this (and by “finally” Money McBags means “still”) and with all of the success they have had in ending the recession, they should be able to fix unemployment faster than Thomas Hoenig can drop a log in The Bernanke’s punchbowl.
—
Other interesting parts of the FOMC’s statement were the reiteration of the policy to buy $600B of Treasuries by February of 2012, the slight change in wording from “housing starts continue to be depressed” to “the housing sector continues to be depressed” (so fuck you to whomever said depression is not contagious), and the warning that inflation continues to trend downward (unless you want to buy gas, groceries, or seats on the strippermobile).
—
Thomas Hoenig was once again the only dissenter as he felt that “a continued high level of monetary accommodation would increase the risks of future economic and financial imbalances and, over time, would cause an increase in long-term inflation expectations that could destabilize the economy,” while the rest of the Fed members felt that Hoenig was simply being an asshat. The point in all of this is that we learned absolutely nothing today except that the Fed will remain more accomodative than Sabrina Deep at a fanbang (well we did learn some things today, like squirrels aren’t acceptable forms of payment at drive thru windows, never rub Thora Birch’s back, and Monica Belluci is hot, but we learned nothing in regards to the Fed).
—
In macro news, November retail sales topped forecasts for the fifth consecutive month and handily beat analyst guesses despite all of their “channel checks” (likely because the only channel analysts were checking was HBO for reruns of True Blood to catch the Anna Paquin nude scenes). Retail sales were up .8%, 1.2% excluding autos, and a shitillion % excluding common fucking sense. Leading the way was department stores who saw their biggest increase in two years by rising 2.8% thanks to finally finding the right inventory to meet customer tastes.
—
This news has caused economists to lift their GDP growth guesses, none higher than something named Binky Chadha (and little known fact, Binky is actually the long lost pacman ghost) who said stocks should rise for the next 15 years (though to be fair, previous predictions from Chadha included that Larry King will be on the air forever, Elizabeth Hurley will stay happily married, and clothes will be optional for mailmen, so take his guesses with a grain of salt, especially if that grain of salt is around the lip of a Margarita). Anyway, Money McBags’ favorite part of the report is that Chadha is basing his conclusion on past performance, because we all know past performance is indicative of future performance and looking at historical periods while ignoring the context of actual fucking history is the best way to do analysis. Wow. And yet this assclown makes more money than all 10k Walmart greeters put together and those greeters aren’t going to cause people to lose millions (though to be honest, if you’re dumb enough to listen to a Binky, you probably deserve to lose that money).
–
In other macro news, business inventories were up .7%, which was slightly less than guesses of 1%, due to stronger sales of 1.4% and businesses not stocking up as much as they realize the consumer numbers are still full of shit. Inventories are now at their highest levels since their meth binge in February 2009 which means a flurry of discounted items will soon be on the way.
—
Internationally, Portugal’s Prime Minister José Sócrates (and Money McBags promises he is not making that name up) said he will be proposing new measures to right the Portuguese economy (and hopefully those measures will be 36-24-36). Socrates did not give details of his plan, but said it will come from many dialogues, there will be a method to it, and it won’t just involve new taxes like we see in Germany.
—
Also in Europe, S&P cut the outlook on Belgium’s AA+ credit rating, citing political uncertainty, difficult market conditions, and the fact that the country is Belgium. The Spanish government raised $3.3 billion at the same rates as their last raise as apparently there is no interest rate higher than infinity. Finally, the ECB may raise reserves as they seek to increase its capital reserves to cover risks from the purchase of Greek, Irish and Portuguese bonds as well as to cover their last credit card bill from their night out at Rick’s Cabaret.
-
In the market, BBY got absolutely yammied like Vicky Vette in a MILF Hunter video as their profit outlook was cut to $3.20 to $3.40 per share from $3.55 to $3.70 per share, sales fell by 1% which missed analyst guesses, and same store sales were down 5 fucking percent. Come again (and if you are Aida Yespica, then really, please come again)? Riddle Money McBags this, how the fuck were retail sales up .8% but one of the biggest bellweathers in retail sales put up a terrible quarter? This is as cockposterous as changing your name to Captain Awesome. As Money McBags has been saying for months, retailers have been discounting the fuck out of their products to get them out of the door so margins are going fall faster than the Metrodome or Andrew Johnson’s reputation in the Republican Party in 1867, so investors need to be very wary.
—
Elsewhere, CMCSA was up after upgrades as the cable model should still be intact for another few years until NFLX completely takes over. YHOO said they will be laying off >600 employees who will now have to search for jobs, so bah fucking hum bug to you assholes. And finally EMS was up ~18% after they announced they are looking at strategic options such as going private, buying back shares, and not brushing before CPR.
—
In small cap news, old friend DFZ was up ~3.5% on no news other than it is cheap. Money McBags is short on time for small caps today but he has been looking in to SAAS and will write more about them later this week. Basically they provide outsourced call center software as part of a “cloud” that allows companies to forgo spending on shitty legacy hardware and outdated systems. It also allows companies to cut down on actual call centers as it enables telephone reps, telemarketers, and crank yankers to work from home. The company’s top line is misleading because they have an older shitty run-off telephony business that masks the growth of their cloud solution so it doesn’t screen well when investors are digging for ideas. Money McBags suggests you all do your work here but this is a screaming long-term buy even if it isn’t all that cheap. Money McBags will have more on this later, he’ll also likely have more on his new fascination with tiny houses and his love of Crystal Mccahill. Oh yeah, you might want to do some work around DAIO. It is a way shitty company that Money McBags owned before the market crashed but has surprisingly put up a number of solid quarters in a row and isn’t all that expensive. It came up in some recent screens and Money McBags has it near the top of his list of companies on which to do more due dilligence. So consider that a big heads up, and consider this a little heads up.
12/2/10 Midnight Report: Fuck Money McBags
Dec 3rd
Yeah, that’s right fuck Money McBags, what an asshole. He celebrates the one year anniversary of the award winning When Genius Prevailed by taking a Friday off for Thanksgiving (where he made sure he didn’t overeat) and then has not only dropped just one column so far in his first week back when clearly you, the hard working reader, deserve better, but also promised a new column today and yet is going to fail to deliver on that worse than Kenny Easterday fails to deliver a blow in an ass-kicking contest. So fuck Money McBags, plain and simple, after all, you don’t pay good money for this so you should be treated much better.
–
That said, Money McBags does profusely apologize to his loyal readers for the three seconds of their day it took to click over to the award winning When Genius Prevailed and not find new content because those three seconds could have been better spent screening for interesting new companies (like SAAS or BGS), storing gold for the upcoming hyperinflation, or wondering where Julieta Grajales has been all of our lives. Money McBags can assure you this isn’t a case of the “terrible twos” (as opposed to the delightful twos), but it is what it is and Money McBags only wishes his excuse today had something to do with preparing for a one on one interview with Lara Logan, telling phosphorous to fuck off, or simply going for the all-time high score in Cock Out, but alas, it was nothing so enjoyable.
—
You see, yesterday while driving home in rush hour traffic after taking care of some pressing business (though unfortunately the business was not Melissa Giraldo and the pressing did not involve her tongue on his sphincter), Money McBags was treated to his car deciding it no longer desired to have a working crank shaft, or Johnson rod, or fucking distributor to make sure the fucking spark plugs made the little gerbil in the car run faster. So unfortunately, Money McBags got stranded in fuck knows where and had to spend today trying to get that shit straightened out and thus was in front of a computer less than a Moody’s analyst was in front of a bubble bursting or Kathy Bates was in front of a mirror (because if she were to go in front of a mirror, she would no doubt turn to stone. Note to self: Get mirror, find Kathy Bates.).
—
That said, he has had about thirty minutes to breeze through the news and holy shit is the market rallying again as apparently Europe has fixed their financial problems in only 48 hours (which makes Money McBags wonder why if they can do that so quickly, they can’t figure out that soap isn’t just a lubricant), retail sales and home sales data weren’t just cocktacular, they were jizzlicioulsy cocktacular (according to the headlines, which of course are all that matter), and Goldman Sachs inconceivably lifted their view of the financial sector to “overweight” and really, when has the government, Money McBags means Goldman, ever been wrong?
—
The most interesting story to Money McBags was that retail sales knocked the fuck out of November with same store sales up 6% (of course margins are likely to go down more than Tori Black in Finger Licking Good 7, but those are just details) so you know what long-term unemployed people? No one fucking cares about you and your whining about my skill set is eroding this and I have no health insurance that, because if employment were at all relevant to the economy in this Keynesian driven world we live in where central bankers pray to the great ponzi in the sky, people wouldn’t be buying the fuck out of 88 inch HDTVs to be able to clearly see Megyn Kelly‘s hard hitting exposes where she tickles our taints with news about a bunch of assholes we don’t know, doing shit about which we don’t care.
—
Anyway, analysts were expecting a 2.6% increase, so they were only 50% off (which is also what sales were in most stores to push inventory out the door) and the best category was unsurprisingly discount stores which were up 7.2%. To drive the recockulousness of this home, the NY Times article on retail sales included this tidbit about a woman named Eve Dong: “She was plopped on a bench on the third floor of the Mall of America, surrounded by six bags and waiting for her friends to return. She had been there since 5 a.m., and had spent about $500 on items like clothes, skin care, makeup and shoes.” Money McBags really has nothing to add to that, he just wanted to point out the NY Times quoted a woman named Eve Dong (and he anxiously awaits them to follow up with Sarah Dicks, Alice Weiner, and Jane Hugecock).
—
Money McBags apologizes again for not having a real column today and for being way too fucking tired after three days of having to do shit to provide any real insight here. He promises he will be back tomorrow with a break down of the jobs report, perhaps a deep dive in to Caroline Trentini (that is if she is free and willing), and thoughts on European central banks and the US continuing to lend lend lend until Bernanke takes the T-Bills away.
—
11/15/10 Midnight Report: Retail Sales Rotten at the Core
Nov 15th
A flurry of buyouts, headline-y good macro news (just don’t read the “not so” fine print), and the Fed promising to print enough dollars to make everyone a millionaire as Bernanke mimics the First Citiwide Change Bank “volume” strategy, caused investors to celebrate in the morning by doing the Dougie. However, the market slipped end of day as common sense eventually kicked in as the economy is nowhere near out of the woods (though if it is Evan Rachel Wood the economy is in, then by all means, it should feel free not to get out of it). Given the uncertainty, investors could walk out on the market at any minute, like Charles Rangel in an ethics committee hearing, so trade your positions wisely (especially if your position is a reverse cowgirl).
—
In macro news today, retail sales posted their biggest gain in 7 months as they were up 1.2% sequentially, 7.3% y/y, and a shitload % beyond reason. That said, there were two really interesting things about the number.
—
1. The 1.2% increase exceeded even the highest guess of all 74 analysts surveyed by Bloomberg in the latest edition of “Guess Your Luck” where economists try to fit their outdated models to the Commerce Department’s random data number generator in hopes of avoiding the dreaded Whammy. As always, Money McBags’ point is that if the data were following any forecastable pattern, then in a normal Gaussian world it would generally fall somewhere in the middle of “expert” guesses (while in a normal Seussian world it would generally fall near a fox wearing socks fixing clocks munching box) but since it was higher than EVERY SINGLE GUESS, something is more wrong here than the theory of luminiferous aether or whatever happened to Bruce Jenner’s face.
—
2. While the headline number looked good (though nowhere near this good), this is what Money McBags refers to as a shemale number because while the top might have been attractive, in digging down we bumped in to something that wasn’t what it appeared to be or what we hoped to find (unless we were Eddie Murphy). See, the beat was driven by autos and gasoline, so if we strip that shit out of the numbers and just view what the Fed looks at which is core retail sales, we see that core retail sales were only up .2% or as it’s better known: “a rounding error.” Motor vehicle and parts purchases were up 5%, likely driven by people purchasing new crank shafts to fix their 15 year old cars since they can’t afford new ones and gas sales were up .8% likely driven by OPEC needing a new cot for the extra concubine they decided to order.
–
So netting out the non-core retail numbers, we see that a 1% increase in spend on books and hobbies (since staycations are the new vacations and Jim Davis’ latest Garfield book just hit the stores) and a .7% increase in clothes purchases were offset by a .7% drop in sales of electronics and a .7% drop in sales of furniture. Those numbers don’t seem healthy to Money McBags since electronics are as discretionary as it gets and furniture is obviously intertwined with home sales, so excuse Money McBags as he scratches his head over people finding these numbers positive.
—
In other macro news, business inventories rose .9% as companies continue to stock up on new locks and deadbolts in anticipation of the next round of layoffs. With businesses now holding 1.27 months of inventory, a cooling is likely to come in the next few months which will be about as good for GDP as hubris was for Amelia Earhart or refusing to carry the one was for Enron. Also, manufacturing in the New York region unexpectedly contracted in November (of course what it contracted was herpes from being so close to the Jersey Shore) for the first time in more than a year thanks to slow sales of “Yankees 2010 World Champions” paraphernalia. The Federal Reserve Bank of New York’s general economic index fell to minus 11.1 from 15.7 with anything below zero showing contraction (while anything below Jasmine Dustin likely showing expansion). Making the numbers worse was that new factory orders slumped to minus 24.4 and unfortunately extra batting practice and praying to Jobu might not help them break out of that slump.
—
Elsewhere in the US a bunch of Republicans are calling out Bernanke as Indiana Rep. Mike Pence argues “printing money is no substitute for pro-growth fiscal policy.” While Money McBags doesn’t necessarily disagree, he finds it hard to give a shit about the opinions of anyone who doesn’t believe in evolution. And speaking of opinions about which Money McBags doesn’t give a shit, Alan Greenspan said this weekend that high deficits could crush the bond market, but then again, caring what Alan Greenspan says about the economy is like caring what George Custer said about war strategy or Magic Johnson says about safe sex, so a big fucking yawn.
–
Internationally, Europe may be coming to the aid of Ireland even though Ireland continues to play hard to get while not realizing it has less leverage than Kahagendra Thapa Magar on a seesaw opposite one of Gabourey Sidibe‘s salivating mandibles. The Irish government continues to insist that it doesn’t need financial aid, it can present a credible austerity budget, and it has enough money to finance its operations through spring of next year while the EU continues to insist that Ireland should shut the fuck up and do what it is told. With the IMF perhaps stepping in here, it looks like its time for Portugal to come on down to see if the Price is Right for their upcoming bail out (and remember to have your debt spayed or neutered).
—
Finally, Japan’s GDP grew at an annualized rate of 3.9% as a result of their stimulus and a new line of Hello Kitty urinal targets being introduced. With incentives for the purchase of fuel-efficient cars and energy-saving appliances (such as solar powered wet vacs to clean up after all of the bukkake films) having ended in September, GDP will surely slow in the next few quarters.
–
In the market buy outs were the news as Caterpillar hopes buying something called Bucyrus for $7.6B will allow it to metamorphosize in to a different company while EMC is paying $2.25B (or what is known to Money McBags as a weekend in the champagne room at his local Rick’s Cabaret) to acquire Isilon. In other M&A news, BHP told Potash to eat a fat dick and rescinded their buy out offer and instead will restart its $4.2B share buyback program.
—
Elsewhere, AAPL said that on Tuesday they will have an announcement that “you’ll never forget” so either they have coaxed Hanna Hilton out of retirement or have developed an app to let users bid on OPEN reservations using PCLN while having NFLX stream in the background which will surely push the stock to a billionty. Rumors are that the announcement will involve the Beatles portfolio of music being available on iTunes which would be awesome if this were 1964.
—
In earnings news, Lowe’s put up a disappointing Q and said revenue was weaker than expected and lowered full year guidance. CEO Rob Niblock said “Ongoing uncertainty in employment and housing continues to pressure our industry…” and then added “You do read the fucking news, right?”
—
In small cap news TSTC was up 23% on a good Q and this is precisely the type of small cap company over which Money McBags salivates. It is growing rapidly, trading at a way too cheap multiple, completely underfollowed by the street, and potentially set for another movement up off of good earnings. That said, it also has the three things Money McBags avoids in a company, it is Chinese so he can’t do real due diligence on it, it has a shitawful balance sheet, and its technology is less understandable than anyone who broke up with Jessica Simpson. Money McBags is only mentioning them to highlight the difference between investing and gambling (and see, that’s funny because it is all gambling).
—
About a year and a half ago, when Money McBags still worked for the man, TSTC came in to his fund’s office for a meeting and the sheer awesomeness of it still lingers like the mellifluous scent of a game worn Reggie Jackson uniform. Not only did the CEO bring what appeared to be a concubine under the guise of “personal secretary” (and Money McBags is not joking as this personal secretary was not allowed to look at anyone or talk to anyone), but the CEO also spoke almost no English and brought with him a Director of IR or CFO (Money McBags doesn’t remember his title) who had been with the company for less than a week. So basically every time Money McBags asked a question, the CFO guy would apparently explain it incorrectly and the CEO would jump in but since he spoke English about as well Moses Malone, the whole thing was comlpetely incomprehensible. It was absolutely bizarre and Money McBags just decided to stay the fuck away because he understood less about the company after the meeting than he did before it, and frankly wasn’t quite sure if he was on an episode of CNBC’s version of Punk’d (and if CNBC ever does a version of Punk’d, they should have an episode where they tell John Merriwether that his fund is actually successful).
—
So the point is, even though the company is ridonkulously cheap (if one can understood exactly what their technology does) as it is trading at <7x full year eps and growing at 80%, there is just too much unknown (like how they plan on managing receivables and when Faye Reagan‘s next movie comes out) to bother. If this were an American company, Money McBags would be all over it because in a few phone calls he could talk to someone who generally understood the company but given that it is impossible for him to do any real research on a tiny Chinese company without being in China or speaking the language, he is going to continue to pass on this like he passes on network TV, decorum, and 19th Century romance novels.
—
—
**Editor’s note: Money McBags knows this headline sucked, but he already used “Retail Stales” and spent way too long trying to think of something better. So feel free to write in your own, you won’t hurt Money McBags’ feelings


