Spain
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6/18/10 Midday Report: Gold hits new highs, silver plans an intervention
It’s quadruple witching Friday today in the market which is unfortunately just the day where stock index futures, stock index options, stock options, and single stock futures all expire and not the day where the market finally gets a 5-some with Elizabeth Montgomery, Barbara Eden, Melissa Joan Hart, and Omarrosa. While this is usually a…
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6/16/10 Midday Report: BP sets aside $20B to be used on an oily day
First of all, Money McBags would like to thank all of you for your feedback yesterday. His inbox is currently overflowing like Whitezilla’s urethra after downing three cases of Mountain Dew in ten minutes (and feel free to google “Whitezilla” on your own time, Money McBags refuses to link to it due to good taste)…
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5/28/10 Midafternoon Report: Market falls after basque-ing in Spain’s downgrade
Money McBags has been busy so today’s report will be brief, like the Anglo-Zanzibar war of 1896 or Gary Coleman’s remaining days (what, too soon?). The market tanked again and closed down 8% for the month of May which is the worst May in 48 years which was so long ago that the Hulk comic…
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5/25/10 Midafternoon Report: Volatility causes market to go up and down faster than a time constrained fluff girl
The markets sold off hard again today until the late afternoon with the the sell off being caused by Europe going to zero, financial reform, and now fucking North Korea dropping a turd in the proverbial kimchee bowl, and the hardness being caused by the market having grabbed a workout with Amanda Carrier. So la-di-fucking-da. …
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5/24/10 Midafternoon Report: American xenophobes shout “I told you so!” as european fears send US markets tumbling
Stocks were mostly flat today like they had no gaussian curvature or had Heidi Montag‘s singing voice until they took a nosedive over the final 30 minutes of trading. Existing home sales in the US rose by 7.6% and bested analyst guesses thanks to the first time home buyers tax credit, foreclosure auctions, and promises…
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5/12/10 Midevening Report: Gold hits record high causing a run on Flavor Flav’s teeth
The markets were on fucking fire today as investors shook off the historic drop last Thursday, apparently confident that the SEC looking in to the causes of the sell off will yield answers other than the current ones whch include: “Beats me,” “How the fuck should I know,” “and hey look, it’s Enrico Pallazzo!” The…
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5/4/10 Midafternoon Report: Monty Python to rewrite script as somebody expects the Spanish Inquisition
Timberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The market is trading down as if Europe is going to go bankrupt like John Edward’s morals or like investors think it will give them AIDS (which means Magic Johnson is happily buying today since he can’t be infected again). The news continues to be fears that even with austerity measures and a bailout,…
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4/28/10 Midafternoon Report: The debt claims in Spain fall mainly down the drain
Same shit, different day. The markets continue to bounce around on news of Europe’s impending doom, though this time not by the Daleks or the smell emanating from Posh Spice‘s girl power, but rather from bankruptcy. While Angela Merkel continues to tease Europe’s proverbial cock with her low cut dresses and constant pledging of support…
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2/5/2010 Midday Report: Unemployment rate drops as more jobs are lost, for next trick, unemployment rate to solve world peace by creating more wars
The market is down again today as Europe’s sovereign debt problem keeps rearing it’s ugly head like Mayim Bialik on the ABC Family network. The big news in the US markets is that the unemployment rate fell to a measly 9.7% (though if you include people who stopped looking for work and those working part…