Money McBags only has time for a short update tonight, and for that he apologizes, but unfortunately some life shit got in his way today and thus he didn’t have time for a full column.  If he did, he would have written about more unrest and uprisings in the Middle East than in the Octomom’s uterus as the Suez Canal saw worker strikes and Iranian warships while Bahrain’s military took control of parts of the capital proving that to complain in Bahrain is mainly met with disdain (and machine guns).  That said, Money McBags did learn that Bahrain’s capital is called Manama which finally explains wtf this song is about (and now Money McBags knows why he never trusted those fucking muppets, but then again, it’s hard to trust anything that can be so happy with a hand up its ass, like Andy Dick).

He would have written about record high cotton prices as cotton hit >$2 per pound in New York which increases the price of Izabel Goulart’s thong from priceless to fucking priceless.

He would have written about how consumer prices remained in check in January except for energy prices which no doubt will be falling any day now that Egypt has deposed their prime minister for military rule (and yes that is sarcasm).  He would have written about consumers becoming less confident (or equally unconfident) thanks to rising gas prices and logic.  He would have written about new claims for unemployment rising to 410k (despite the weather and devious machinations from Waddell and Reed), the Philly Federal Reserve’s index reaching its highest level in 7 years (though don’t order the extra whiz for that cheesteak or golden shower just yet because the prices paid index jumped 13 points), and the awesomeness of Amazon Eve potentially doing Playboy,

He also would have written about how Thomas “T Ho” Hoenig got his farmland bubble on by saying “current distortions in financial markets are increasing the risk that imbalances in asset markets will catch agriculture — and the U.S. economy more generally — by surprise once again” before adding: “It is nearly impossible to determine how much of the farmland boom may be an unsustainable bubble driven by financial markets and how much results from fundamental changes in demand and supply conditions,” and finishing with “The shit is simply too expensive, bitchez.”

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And he would have written about ShitiGroup CEO Vikram Pandit crying that new regulations may mean tighter credit and less access for borrowers (and umm hey dick bag, isn’t that the whole fucking point?  To keep you assholes from giving every subprime dickweed a loan that they will never pay back just so you can pool those loans together to “spread the risk” and sell them off to lazy yield investors after giving Moody’s a big reacharound to have them rate the loans as AAA subprime?  And here’s a quiz for investors, what’s another name for a AAA subprime loan?  Answer: Subprime).

Finally he would have written about NVDA putting up a big Q, NTAP giving sitty guidance, and WTW fattening up investors portfolios after rising >30% on an earnings beat due to their new points plus program (and based on that success, Money McBags will now be adding a points plus part of the award winning When Genius Prevailed which will be points plus tits).

As for small caps, he would have written about this fucking GKNT contuing to run higher, he would have written about NTZ coming back from the dead, and he would have written about EHTH’s strange Q where they beat on pulled forward non-core revenue, lowered guidance, and yet still rose ~11%.

And he would have done all of that while mixing in references to the biggest bear ever (what, you were expecting Roubini?), the Poincare Conjecture, and Peta Todd’s tits.  Alas, it was just not to be today and Money McBags apologizes but he has a fuck ton of archives if you need your daily fix as surely you have missed a column here or there.  Money McBags will be traveling for a good deal of the day on Friday but he will be available by email (moneymcbags@gmail.com, though please, no more cockshots) and hopes to get a more thorough column out because he’s just scratching the surface on inflation, unemployment, and Diane Kruger.

And yes this quickie column just ran over 700 words as even in a pinch Money McBags can still bang out run on sentences, awkward transitions, unneeded linking words, and plenty of Karolina Kurkova.