TMRK
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1/30/11 Two Day After Report: Protests in Egypt Cause Market to Take It in The Sphinxter
Holy(land) shit did the market sell off on Friday as civil (or more exactly, uncivil) unrest overran the streets of Egypt like Ben Bernanke overran the Fed’s printing presses or hepatitis C overran Pam Anderson’s liver. Protesters were apparently frustrated by government corruption, economic stagnation, a lack of political freedom, and Ehsan Hatem El-Kirdany‘s refusal…
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1/27/11 Midnight Report: S&P Touches 1300, 1300 Says it Liked it
Despite new claims for unemployment putting up the largest weekly increase since September 2005 (and you all remember September 2005, right? Alan Greenspan was still a genius, iPads were still just the truncated spelling of a sanitary napkin, and Kim Kardashian’s vagina was still underwraps (and some guy named Damon Thomas too)), despite Japan being…
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1/6/11 Midnight Report: Tweeting the Dip
Money McBags is not going to have a full column tonight as he is burned the fuck out after the last three days of producing more material than Gabourey Sidibe‘s Oscar dress maker while scratching his head over all of the dip buying. — Instead of a column today, Money McBags hit the twitter and…
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11/2/10 Midnight Report: They’re baaaaaaaaaaack!
The market rallied today as election booths underflowed with discontented voters, unemployed workers looking for a warm place to hang out during the day, and douchey hipsters who thought the lines were for the Apple store. — Apparently the Republicans are going to win back the House and thus have 1/4 of the decision making…
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9/17/10 Midafternoon Report: Surprisingly strong RIMM job fails to stimulate the market
Volume was low today and the market was flat on a mundane “quadruple witching” Friday (and it is called that because all kinds of futures contracts and stock options expired today and not because Alan Greenspan’s guest appearance on Charmed was being rerun). The big macro news of the day was that consumer confidence fell…
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8/6/10 Midafternoon Report: Jobs number disappoints again as people ask “Brother, can you spare a dime, and maybe a 401k?”
The market fell for most of the day before being bizarrely bailed out at the close for no reason other than to seemingly allow Money McBags to write that alliterative phrase. The big news was that the jobs report once again disappointed like the other side of a Goldman CDO deal or Tara Reid’s plastic…
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8/5/10 Midevening Report: New claims for unemployment continue to claim the economy still sucks
The market traded down today like anyone who has ever broken up with the delightful Brooklyn Decker as new claims for unemployment were out and were much worse than analysts had guessed (and not just because analysts suck at their jobs like one-legged kick boxers, but because we’re in a fucking recession). Money McBags hates…
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7/13/10 Midafternoon Report: The market is AA-ok as Alcoa foils bears
The market was off to the races today as if it the races were going to feature Usain Bolt taking on Sara Jane Underwood in the 100 meter dash with the loser having to run a lap in the buff. The big news of course was that Alcoa started off the earnings season by destroying…
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5/12/10 Midevening Report: Gold hits record high causing a run on Flavor Flav’s teeth
The markets were on fucking fire today as investors shook off the historic drop last Thursday, apparently confident that the SEC looking in to the causes of the sell off will yield answers other than the current ones whch include: “Beats me,” “How the fuck should I know,” “and hey look, it’s Enrico Pallazzo!” The…
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5/3/10 Midafternoon Report: Consumer spending up as sales of moral hazard increase (though to be fair it does come in blue this season)
Stocks are off to the races again today and the good news is that the market is seemingly being ridden by Calvin Borel. Sending the market up is that Greece is once again set to be bailed out, Warren Buffet was out defending Goldman Sachs, and people are spending more than they earn. Hold on…