TSYS
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7/30/10 Midevening Report: GDP goes down again, claims it likes the taste
The big macro news today was that GDP slowed to 2.4% growth in Q2, that is until it’s revised down next Q to keep up with the administration’s “hold the shock and hope for no awe” strategy. This strategy was further evident in today’s release as GDP from the past 3 fucking years was revised…
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7/9/2010 Midafternoon Report: Investors get excited and take off their shorts to allow long exposure to grow
It’s a quiet day newswise and thus the market is deader than the Cleveland Cavaliers as it awaits the start of earnings season next week. Dominating the news today are non-financial matters like LeBron James betraying his home town team (and Cavs owner Dan Gilbert is said to have slept with his johnson in a…
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5/27/10 Midafternoon Report: China backs up Euro, causes it to come from behind
The market was up stronger today than a shot of tequila washed down with a hefty glass of grain alcohol or as its known in the Hasselhoff household: “breakfast.” If you haven’t heard, the Chinese are coming and this time it’s not just from looking at Gaile Lok it’s because they are still hella interested…
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5/21/10 Midafternoon Report: Market rebounds, now it needs to stop missing shots
The market was up today as apparently it has been corrected like Stevie Wonder’s vision or Larry Craig’s family values. With Europe now fixed, unemployment shrinking, and monkeys flying out Money McBags butt, it should be back to lobster tails and BJs in no time. The good news is that nothing has really changed between…
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2/5/2010 Midday Report: Unemployment rate drops as more jobs are lost, for next trick, unemployment rate to solve world peace by creating more wars
The market is down again today as Europe’s sovereign debt problem keeps rearing it’s ugly head like Mayim Bialik on the ABC Family network. The big news in the US markets is that the unemployment rate fell to a measly 9.7% (though if you include people who stopped looking for work and those working part…
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2/4/10 Midday Report: Market shows Paris Hilton isn’t the only thing that can go down
Tim-motherfucking-ber. The market is nosediving today like a Biggest Loser contestant going after the last gravy covered deep fried twinkie at an all you can eat “stuff that’s bad” for you bar (and no offense to you weight-challenged people out there, but did you really need to go on a TV show to figure out…
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2/2/10 Midday Report: Volcker to Banks: “Prop trade this!”
The market is bouncing back today even though it is a relatively quiet day news wise (though not as quiet as a Lindsay Lohan straight to video movie premier or a Trappist monk game of hide and seek). Pending home sales in the US rose 1% after falling 16% last month thanks to renewed tax…