unemployment
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2/4/10 Midday Report: Market shows Paris Hilton isn’t the only thing that can go down
Tim-motherfucking-ber. The market is nosediving today like a Biggest Loser contestant going after the last gravy covered deep fried twinkie at an all you can eat “stuff that’s bad” for you bar (and no offense to you weight-challenged people out there, but did you really need to go on a TV show to figure out…
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1/28/10 Midday Report: Global economy still more fragile than faberge egg wrapped in Donald Trump’s ego
The market is down again today thanks to Qualcomm giving a subdued forecast and something again about people not having jobs. Luckily, according to the Fed, the recession may be over which has left many of the 10% of unemployed people loudly cheering from their urine stained cardboard boxes. The Fed upgraded its economic outlook, reaffirmed…
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1/22/10 Midday Report: Volcker? I hardly even know her.
The market continues to sell off as fears grow that Obama’s financial service regulation will limit the profitability of the banks who nearly destroyed the global financial system. How fucking dare he try to regulate these fine bastions of our economy who did nothing to deserve this other than invent complex derivatives based on loans…
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1/14/10 Midday Report: Market taunts macroeconomy, tells it to go back to its room until it comes out with a better number
The macro news today mostly missed expectations, but the market seems to be shrugging it off like an alcoholic shrugs off a jagermeister induced hangover (and that is by taking a massive dump and then getting back on the wagon). Retail sales were down .3% for the month of December, while expectations were for a…
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1/08/10 Midday Report: Market shakes off unemployment reports, claims those people are just lazy
The big news of the day is that the Labor Department, led by Hilda Solis whose name is an anagram for the upcoming Snoop Dogg swine flu dis track titled “Hos said ill,” came out with their jobs report for December which showed a loss of 85k jobs. This was worse than expectations and held…
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12/31/09 Midday Report: Let the New Year’s party begin (Except for the 10% of you unemployed)
2009 finally ends tonight and what a year it has been. The market sunk to a low of 666 before being exorcised by a low quality rally and a bottle of jesus juice, the US goverment bailed out the financial system and printed enough money to make Bill Gates seem like a pauper, unemployment spiked…
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12/17/09 Midday Report: All the news sucks today, but will it swallow tomorrow?
A rash of negative news for the markets is out today. The dollar is rising thanks to the Fed saying they believe the economy is strengthening (they conveniently left out the part about the quadrillion dollars they printed over the past year to strengthen said economy, but I understand that is a minor detail) and…