WFC
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2/27/11 Two Day After Report: Will Market Win Best Actor Award for Impersonating a Healthy Economy?
Once again investors came out in full force to buy the fucking dip on Friday after learning that Qaddafi’s men opened fire on protesters in Tripoli in Moammar’s shoot first, shoot later negotiations policy, GDP was revised down to “QE3 is coming,” gold rose to over $1,400 an ounce once again making Flavor Flav’s teeth…
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2/10/11 Midnight Report: Market Shrugs Off CSCO Guidance, Prefers to Buy the Rip
The S&P closed up today despite earnings more disappointing than Congressman Christopher Lee’s online dating skills (because 1. If you’re married, don’t use your real fucking email address and 2. everyone knows the easiest way to an internet girl’s heart is through a cock shot and not some weird ass old man flexing pose, so…
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1/19/10 Midnight Report: Market Goes Down on Earnings, Did it Swallow Idea that the Economy is Improving?
The market sold off today as earnings were more mixed than Tiger Woods’ family tree, housing data continued to remind people that double dipping can cause more than just herpes, and investors were all liquidating their portfolios to get cash to buy those 50% off Amazon coupons at Living Social in order to get in…
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10/20/10 Midnight Report: Market rallies again to the beat of algo-rhythm and Qs
The market rally was back on today with stocks shooting up faster than Ben Bernanke could chant “quantitative easing” over his bubbling cauldron (though he was heard incanting: “Double, double toil and trouble; Dollar burn, and assets bubble“) and faster than Sofia Vergara‘s son’s popularity on take your mom to school day. That said, with…
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10/14/10 Midevening Report: Foreclosure? I don’t even know her
The market was down today as foreclosure-gate threatens to shut down the foreclosure process for banks quicker than an AIDS ridden penis has shut down the porn industry, though with potentially much more dire consequences (unless that AIDS penis touched the lovely Tori Black, because Money McBags can think of no more dire consequence than…
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1/20/10 Midday Report: China flexes pimp hand and vows to curb lending, businesses cower in the corner and promise to work harder for daddy
The big news bringing the market down today is that China is beginning to realize they may have a bit of a bubble on their hands as they opened up their fortune cookie last night and saw their fortune was written on the back of a yuan (as for the fortune, it said “man who…
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12/15/09 Midday Report: Porter trims forces to 4 as commodities laugh at competitive advantages
The big news today is that wholesale inflation is up 1.8% and manufacturing in the US is churning out more goods people can’t afford to buy, especially if prices have to be raised now that input costs/commodities are moving up faster than expectations (weird that expectations were wrong, though much less weird than the new…