WGO
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4/11/11 Midnight Report: Will Margin Pressure Make Earnings Season A Bigger Bust Than Christina Hendricks’?
The market was down today as there was little news to keep the momo of the ponzeconomy™ going as investors await earnings reports (which promise to be spanktastic, as long as investors don’t care about silly little things like margins, profits, and expectations more reduced than those of Sbarro’s owners, Alan Greenspan’s parents, or Russell…
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3/31/11 Midnight Report: On Opening Day, Fed Continues to Take Economy Out to the Bawl Game
The market was relatively quiet today as investors brace themselves for tomorrow’s Labor Force Participation Rate Report, Money McBags means Jobs Report, from the (No) Labor Department which will likely be more fictitious than a James Frey memoir, a Jayson Blair news story, or Ryan Seacrest’s girlfriend (at least the girlfriend who supposedly pees sitting…
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2/22/11 Midnight Report: Big Flaps in Mid East May Require Libyaplasty
Tim-fucking-berrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Holy shit is it on like Qadaffi’s dong as protesters in Libya whip themselves up in to a frenzy over the lack of Joanna Krupa’s latest Maxim spread being available to them (or over their oppressive treatment at the hands of Qadaffi, their lack of say in the government, their non-existent job opportunities, and…
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12/28/10 Midnight Report: Consumer Confidence Falls Yet Retail Sales Rise as Christmas Miracles Continue
The market continues to putter along in the last trading week of a year that has thoroughly confused Money McBags like the subprime meltdown confused Ben Stein, the cosmological constant confused Einstein, or a grocery store freezer confused Carrie Harkness. Money McBags remains cockposterously perplexed and today was a microcosm of his befuddlement as consumer…
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12/18/10 Day After Report: Tax Bill Signed, to be Known as “Misery Compromise”
With market news quieter than a prisoner’s dilemma that actually reaches a Pareto efficient Nash equilibrium, and even quieter than the “Free Bernie Madoff” campaign, Money McBags had time to ponder some of biggest questions of the day. — He wondered why there wasn’t more flashing in the flash crash? Why they give out degrees…
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12/16/10 Midnight Report: Market Reaches Two Year High, Will Data Hold an Intervention?
The market was up today as PIMCO is set to get their equity on, Fed Ex plans to deliver a fuckload of packages in the next year (even more packages than Victoria Givens took for delivery in 2004, and like all proper businesses, she required they all be delivered in the rear), and former Obama…
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10/20/10 Midnight Report: Market rallies again to the beat of algo-rhythm and Qs
The market rally was back on today with stocks shooting up faster than Ben Bernanke could chant “quantitative easing” over his bubbling cauldron (though he was heard incanting: “Double, double toil and trouble; Dollar burn, and assets bubble“) and faster than Sofia Vergara‘s son’s popularity on take your mom to school day. That said, with…
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10/19/10 Midnight Report: 50k iPads a day won’t keep the bear market away
Timberrrrr. The market sold off today as a result of tech companies posting earnings that failed to titillate the street, China raising their interest rates to try to stave off an asset bubble that soon may be only a prick away from popping, and the rent still being too damn high. Up until now, the…
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10/14/10 Midevening Report: Foreclosure? I don’t even know her
The market was down today as foreclosure-gate threatens to shut down the foreclosure process for banks quicker than an AIDS ridden penis has shut down the porn industry, though with potentially much more dire consequences (unless that AIDS penis touched the lovely Tori Black, because Money McBags can think of no more dire consequence than…
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8/19/10 Midnight Report: No work and no pay makes the market a dull buy
Look out belowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww as the market is falling faster than Eliot Spitzer’s pants at the Mayflower hotel. Investors have finally decided to ignore the marginally good earnings data this quarter which was a lot of bottom line growth with weak toplines and instead pay some attention to macro data which is trending worse than Club…