WMT
-
2/22/11 Midnight Report: Big Flaps in Mid East May Require Libyaplasty
Tim-fucking-berrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Holy shit is it on like Qadaffi’s dong as protesters in Libya whip themselves up in to a frenzy over the lack of Joanna Krupa’s latest Maxim spread being available to them (or over their oppressive treatment at the hands of Qadaffi, their lack of say in the government, their non-existent job opportunities, and…
-
11/16/10 Midevening Report: The Suck of the Irish
The market crumbled today like Charles Rangel’s reputation as apparently Europe went through the TSA’s new back-scatter x-ray machine and was revealed to have a severely dangling Ireland. In addition to Europe being on the verge of another meltdown (or just a continuation of their previous one), China is trying to regulate inflation, and the…
-
9/27/10 Midnight Report: M&A market remains hotter than Sasha Grey in Grand Theft Anal (though with slightly less hair pulling)
Money McBags is back after taking a mental health day on Friday because writing 1k-1.5k words a day of fresh material, analysis, and dick jokes about the market is not quite as easy as it sounds, especially as Money McBags takes his work very seriously (see, he could throw up just any picture of Odette…
-
8/17/10 Midevening Report: Market gets higher thanks to POT
Money McBags is back today after technical difficulties kept him from dropping some market knowledge yesterday. He’d like to say his absence was because he was busy trying to solve some of the world’s greatest problems such as auditing the recent proof of P vs NP (which showed that P does not equal NP, though…
-
6/4/10 Midafternoon Report: Jobs report challenges Marmaduke movie for biggest bomb released on Friday
The (No) Labor Department’s jobs report came out today and was well below analyst guesses which sent the market tumbling like Tony Hayward’s Q score at a Greenpeace convention. The US added 431k jobs in May which was the biggest increase in a single month in over a decade since the internet was founded and…
-
5/18/10 Midafternoon Report: If you want to short in Germany, you now have to wear pants
The markets fell again today as US macro news was mediocre at best, fears in China have risen from red alert to Kung Pao levels, and Germany has banned naked short selling of stocks and CDS (though you are still encouraged to get long Salzgitter and Money McBags’ “salzgitter” would get very long for Sonya…
-
4/9/10 Midafternoon Report: Greek bail out back on causing market to fly like Icarus (though hopefully not quite as close to the sun)
The markets are higher today as fears of a Greek blow up subside for about the 69th time which is one more time than Ben Bernanke has taken an “accomodative stance” for the market in the past two months (and Money McBags isn’t quite sure what that means). In macro news, Retail sales were out…
-
3/15/10 Midday Report: March Madness is officially here as Moody’s thinks people actually care about what they say
The market is flattish today, likely taking a breather to fill out its NCAA bracket while trying to sleep off the headache caused by Dick Vitale’s pontifications yesterday on how loving Mike Krzyzewski is post-coitus. That said, Moody’s is out warning that major economies such as the US, Germany, the UK, and Vivid Video may…
-
2/18/10 Midevening Report : Bernanke preemptively raises discount rate, causes Alan Greenspan to roll over in his grave
Aw shit, it is now on like donkey kong as the Fed is getting serious about some shit. This ain’t your Greenspan pushover, lolligagging, lobster tails and blow jobs for everyone, bubble creating Federal Reserve. No siree, this Bernanke guy is a straight up pimp and will bitch slap the market back to reality and…