Daily report
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5/11/10 Midafternoon Report: Europe bailout signals “too PIIGS to fail” policy
Did I miss something yesterday? Jeesh, Money McBags takes a day off to fine tune his factors of production and Europe decides to mimic Ben Bernanke’s “too big to count” strategy by printing up enough Euros to finally finish off the Bialowieza Forest or to get 36 very straight hours with the lovely Ashley Dupre.
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5/7/10 Midday Report: The market has no clothes (and sadly, it resembles Abe Vigoda)
Holy fucking shit. You’ll have to excuse Money McBags today because he is still trying to put his limbs back on after jumping from his penthouse apartment during yesterday’s volatility which saw the market drop by 9% in 20 minutes. Whether it was spurred by riots in Greece, a fat finger (or as Portia Di
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5/6/10 Midafternoon Report: Europe to be the new Australia as european debt falls “down under”
The market continues to sell off as Angela Merkel happily plays her fiddle atop the Zugspitze while Europe burns below. The debt crisis in Europe continues to gain momentum like it has an improbable, though theoretically possible, coefficient of restitution greater than one or as if it were running for office with the promise that
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5/5/10 Midday Report: Investors celebrate May 5th with Sink-o de Marketo celebration
Buenos dias on this lovely Cinqo de Mayo as investors smack the market like a pinata in hopes of breaking it open to catch some falling CDS. Things remain ugly today as Europe is still on the verge of going bankrupt thanks to Greece’s steroidal Wimpy strategy of having a gyro today while promising to
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5/4/10 Midafternoon Report: Monty Python to rewrite script as somebody expects the Spanish Inquisition
Timberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The market is trading down as if Europe is going to go bankrupt like John Edward’s morals or like investors think it will give them AIDS (which means Magic Johnson is happily buying today since he can’t be infected again). The news continues to be fears that even with austerity measures and a bailout,
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5/3/10 Midafternoon Report: Consumer spending up as sales of moral hazard increase (though to be fair it does come in blue this season)
Stocks are off to the races again today and the good news is that the market is seemingly being ridden by Calvin Borel. Sending the market up is that Greece is once again set to be bailed out, Warren Buffet was out defending Goldman Sachs, and people are spending more than they earn. Hold on
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4/30/10 Midday Report: Biggest swinging dick on the Street may land in aptly named penal colony as criminal investigation launches on Goldman
The markets are down today due to mostly inline GDP, more shenanigans in Greece, further investigation in to Goldman Sachs, and gravity. GDP for Q1 was released and the economy expanded by 3.2% thanks to consumer spending which was up 3.6% and interestingly enough coincided with the release of KFC’s Double Down thereby spiking sales
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4/29/10 Midday Report: HP thinks it bought a rosy PALM, no word on whether they will also buy her five sisters
The rally is back on thanks to solid earnings, Greece likely getting bailed out again (for now), and the FED reaffirming their promise to keep rates low until the next bubble. Not only that, but new claims for unemployment were down by 11k which was just shy of analyst guesses and just shy of asking
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4/28/10 Midafternoon Report: The debt claims in Spain fall mainly down the drain
Same shit, different day. The markets continue to bounce around on news of Europe’s impending doom, though this time not by the Daleks or the smell emanating from Posh Spice‘s girl power, but rather from bankruptcy. While Angela Merkel continues to tease Europe’s proverbial cock with her low cut dresses and constant pledging of support
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4/27/10 Midafternoon Report: If Greece is now junk, what does that make Haiti?
The market is down today as Standard and Poor’s downgraded Portugal to a principality and Greek to junk and not the the kind in a trunk that most investors love, but good old fashioned junk. It was the first time since the advent of the Euro that a European country has lost its investment grade