Daily report
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2/20/11 Two Day After Report: Mideasterners Continue to Shout “You Suck Dictators!”
Stocks ended higher for the third consecutive week as protests throughout the Middle East continue to spread like misinformation during a political campaign or herpes in the Kardashian household. Yemen had its 8th day of protests (and for those of you unfamiliar with Yemen, it has a 65% unemployment rate, a 59% literacy rate, and…
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2/17/11 Midnight Report: Just a Quickie
Money McBags only has time for a short update tonight, and for that he apologizes, but unfortunately some life shit got in his way today and thus he didn’t have time for a full column. If he did, he would have written about more unrest and uprisings in the Middle East than in the Octomom’s…
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2/16/10 Midnight Report: The Fed’s New Slogan: Where M-Raising Happens
The market rose again today (which is actually the new permanent opening line for Money McBags’ daily column so if you want to save yourselves five minutes, just add references to unemployment, inflation, Fermat’s last theorem, and Malene Espensen, then rinse, spit, and consider the column finished). That said, the market didn’t just rise because…
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2/15/11 Midnight Report: Businesses Admit They Are Feeling Inflation But Claim Inflation Likes It
The market was down today as retail sales disappointed (thanks to the weather, a little something called rampant unemployment, and everyone hoarding cash for the next generation of the fleshlight to be released), food prices continued to increase and spook investors as rising costs pushed 44MM more people in to poverty (though at least 13%…
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2/11/10 Two Day After Report: Is That a Pyramid in Your Portfolio or Are You Just Happy to See a United Egypt?
The market rallied on Friday as Hosni Mubarak abdicated his manipulatedly elected throne, walked out of the country like, well, like an Egyptian (yeah Money McBags fucking went there, shit, not every joke can end with a Harry Baals reference), and turned the keys to his Cairo over to the military (and nothing like a…
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2/10/11 Midnight Report: Market Shrugs Off CSCO Guidance, Prefers to Buy the Rip
The S&P closed up today despite earnings more disappointing than Congressman Christopher Lee’s online dating skills (because 1. If you’re married, don’t use your real fucking email address and 2. everyone knows the easiest way to an internet girl’s heart is through a cock shot and not some weird ass old man flexing pose, so…
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2/9/11 Midnight Report: Fucking Crickets
Kind Readers, — Money McBags was out for most of the day and thus was unable to find the time to get a column up that suitably dealt with the news of the day such as Ben Bernanke’s speech before the House Budget Committee (which includes such great financial luminaries as Heath fucking Shuler, who…
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2/8/11 Midnight Report: Market’s First Law of Bernankity: What Goes Up, Must Go Up
The market rose for the 7th straight day (and the day was so straight that it wouldn’t even look at other days of the same gender, and yeah, that means you Thursday) as earnings continue to be relatively decent (until the speedboat effect of rising input prices catches up with them next Q, which is…
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2/7/11 Midnight Report: Support Levels Blown as Market Spits Out Concerns
Stocks hit their two and a half year highs today as confidence in the markets skyrockets thanks to hackers penetrating NASDAQ computers (proving if you drink enough red bull and vodka, you’ll penetrate anything), insider selling continuing to outpace insider buying at a cockposterous rate as company executives show as much faith in their businesses…
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Economic Update: Lies, Damn Lies, and The B(L)S Jobs Report
Wow. Just fucking wow. Even with stability in the Middle East more fragile than an osteoporosis sufferer’s boney coccyx as Egyptian government officials join in the protests against their own government (which is a bit like Alan Greenspan protesting against fiat currency or Camille Crimson protesting against hummers) and Jordan contemplates reforms to lessen the…