Humor

Just For Shits and Giggles, Though Hopefully Mostly Giggles

While Money McBags was unable to produce a full column last week as he was busier than both Brian P. Sack’s bond buying trigger finger and Bree Olson’s rectum, he still managed to find a few outlets to let his creative juices flow (though unfortunately one of those outlets was not Kacey Barnfield‘s mouth), such as the twitter and the facebook.  He also found time to partake in one of his favorite hobbies, fucking with people.

You see, Money McBags’ writing continues to spread like herpes in the Kardashian household (only more virile and with slightly less crying), and as a result of that, he has many people who contact him for all kinds of bizarre shit because they want to get a piece of you, his deep-pocketed readers.  Luckily for you, Money McBags ignores all of these partnership offers as he refuses to dilute the award winning When Genius Prevailed’s brand (and yes, that is funny), but as he needed some outlet for his dick jokes last week, he decided to answer one such inquiry and below is the email exchange he had with someone trying to get some kind of content on the award winning When Genius Prevailed.  Enjoy….

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On Thu, Mar 24, 2011 at 1:26 PM, Carolyn Gray <spike1313@comcast.net> wrote:
From: Carolyn Gray <spike1313@comcast.net>
Subject: Author provides alternative solution to Madoff Scandel

Message Body:
Hello.

I would like to introduce you to John F. Groom’s latest publication, Margin Call, a graphic novel with a hero uniquely suited to current events. Margin Call is based on today’s business world and those working in it, but has broad interest to anyone who is outraged by current events when they read a newspaper.
A creative work of fiction, Margin Call brings the reader into the life of Favela, an orphan from the ghettos of Sao Paulo, Brazil, who has grown into a position of extreme wealth and power on Wall Street. Never forgetting his roots, Favela understands that some justice can be found in a boardroom, some can be found in a court room, and some justice must be found outside the law.
Moving from Brazil to Wall Street and throughout the international finance capitals, Margin Call is a dark and violent story but, like the hearts of so many Americans, there is a deep moral thread running through it. Here is Groom’s summary:

“Favela grew up in the brutal ghettos of Sao Paulo, Brazil. When he tried to improve his life, he was taunted for his background. He laughed and took the name of the ghetto for his own – he never intended to forget where he came from. While shining the shoes of a wealthy businessman he picked up a tip that he parlayed into a path to becoming a wildly successful trader. He had the combination of genetic intelligence combined with a savage life in poverty, but with a strong inherent sense of right and wrong. He was ruthless, but he never lied. When he came to Wall Street, he was disgusted by what he saw; great fortunes made by fraud, insider trading, or at taxpayer expense. Favela saw that the system was weak – but he was not.  Some people needed help. Some people needed to die.”

John F. Groom is a writer and publisher having had articles featured in  USA TODAY, Reuters, Playboy, the Boston Globe ,C-SPAN, and elsewhere. Margin Call is part of the Attitude Media family of media ventures (www.attitudemedia.com)

I would like to offer Margin Call to you, at no cost, to feature on your website in weekly installments. It is currently running in the Brazilian International Business Times website, http://br.ibtimes.com/ (bottom left corner).

If you would like to include this original and entertaining graphic novel on your site, please let me know and I will be happy to help you make all the necessary arrangements or answer any questions you may have.

Thank you for your time and kind consideration.
Sincerely,
Carolyn M. Gray
Marketing Coordinator
Spike1313@comcast.net


This mail is sent via contact form on When Genius Prevailed http://whengeniusprevailed.com

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Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 1:53 PM
Subject: Re: Author provides alternative solution to Madoff Scandel

Dear Ms. Gray,

We at the award winning When Genius Prevailed have strict standards for the site so are not sure your content would be acceptable.  Does the content involve things like fellatio and anilingus?

Bottoms up,

Money McBags

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On Thu, Mar 24, 2011 at 7:46 PM, David Gray <spike1313@comcast.net> wrote:

Thanks for getting back to me, Mr. Money Bags.

It is with regret I inform you that Margin Call does not contain any fellatio or anilingus.

However, there is violence that your readers may find satisfying.

If you visit the Attitude Media  website (www.attitudemedia.com), perhaps you would enjoy the story as well.

As I stated below, John Groom is offering this virtual graphic novel for free to only the most worthy websites.

Care to give it a go?

Thank you for your kind and most sincere reply.

Carolyn

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From: Money McBags <moneymcbags@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Mar 25, 2011 at 11:30 PM
Subject: Re: Author provides alternative solution to Madoff Scandel

- Hide quoted text -

To: David Gray <spike1313@comcast.net>

David/Carolyn Gray (perhaps you are the Miriam of the almost publishing world),

Money McBags appreciates your offer because if he were to choose one author to serialize on the award winning When Genius Prevailed and Philip Roth was busy, Roberto Bolano could not be resuscitated, and Molly Ringle was trapped under the weight of her crisp-paged Strunk and White, he clearly would choose John Groom.  But if he were to choose the work of John Groom, it would only be for the next edition of his brilliant Living Sanely series (and Money McBags doesn’t want to tell anyone how to do their jobs, but he would suggest that Mr. Groom’s next Living Sanely book be titled: Why Do We Get It Up Everyday: An Author’s Loving Tribute to Spankwire.com).

Anyway, while your offer is quite generous, and while you have warmed the cockles of Money McBags’ heart (and as Money McBags reminds his readers, his heart has huge cockles) by finding his site worthy enough of serializing the work of the great John Groom which is so exclusive it can only be found on the back pages of Brazilian periodicals and likely etched deep in the Rosetta Stone, he must unfortunately turn down the honor as neither Money McBags nor his readers find violence satisfying, unless it is their violent distaste for the way the economy is being handled or Tara Reid’s boob job.

Best wishes with further distribution (though here’s a novel idea (pun intended of course), perhaps Mr. Groom should start a website, produce a whole bunch of shit people want to read, and drive traffic that way, you know, on the strength of his own writing, but far be it for Money McBags to give advice on driving traffic to content since he has only gone from 0 readers to 15k+ a day in a year, but then again, this has a lot to do with it).  That said, should Mr. Groom tackle the heartwrenching subjects of fellatio, anilingus, or more importantly, fellatio of the anus or the yingus, please let Money McBags know.

Oh yeah, just an FYI, but “scandal” is spelled with an “a” and not an “e” as you did in the title of this email.  While some would be turned off immediately by that, at least you are not trying to sell a literary product where grammar or punctuation might matter.

Bottoms up,

Money McBags
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Anyway, Money McBags is sure the guy is a fine writer and Money McBags takes his jimmy hat off (though not before using it) to anyone who makes a living by typing original sentences.  Money McBags just found the marketing campaign to be whatever is more overstated than superfluous (perhaps cockstoundingly superfluous).  That said, Money McBags would be happy to have other contributors to the award winning When Genius Prevailed as long as their writing is smart and subversive, or if they look like this.