KITD
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6/10/10 Midevening Report: Market rallies in anticipation of tomorrow’s sell off
Readers, Money McBags apologizes for his absence yesterday, unfortunately he has a life outside of the great When Genius Prevailed and that life required him to spend all day watching Anna Paquin scenes now that she is oh so comfortable with her bisexuality, so you can’t really fault him for that. Anyway, today the market
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6/8/10 Midevening Report: Bernanke speech fails to significantly rally the market, says he’ll overpromise more next time
The market was relatively quiet today as there was a lack of macro news though Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke was out late Monday saying: “My best guess is that we’ll have a continued recovery, but it won’t feel terrific like a blumpkin from Sara Varone followed by a nice wipe with that oh so soft
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5/25/10 Midafternoon Report: Volatility causes market to go up and down faster than a time constrained fluff girl
The markets sold off hard again today until the late afternoon with the the sell off being caused by Europe going to zero, financial reform, and now fucking North Korea dropping a turd in the proverbial kimchee bowl, and the hardness being caused by the market having grabbed a workout with Amanda Carrier. So la-di-fucking-da.
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5/20/10 Midafternoon Report: S&P slides closer to next technical level of 0, most economists predict a bounce from there.
Fucking Europe. Seriously. First they tried to tax us without letting us represent ourselves and you know what, we don’t play that way. Then they got all upitty and burned down the White House while poor little James Madison sat on his gelding and got his S’mores on. And after that we’ve had to bail
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5/19/10 Midafternoon Report: VIX shoots up, claims it doesn’t have a problem, just wants to try to take its mind off global recession
The market got clobbered again today (until a closing minutes rally) like it insulted Preston Brooks’ uncle or like it had one too many shots of tequila while watching the donkey show. Investors continue to fear the impending doom of Europe with their quaint monetary system, silly accents, and love of black jeans. However, macro
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5/18/10 Midafternoon Report: If you want to short in Germany, you now have to wear pants
The markets fell again today as US macro news was mediocre at best, fears in China have risen from red alert to Kung Pao levels, and Germany has banned naked short selling of stocks and CDS (though you are still encouraged to get long Salzgitter and Money McBags’ “salzgitter” would get very long for Sonya
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5/17/10 Midafternoon Report: The Euro is falling! The Euro is falling!
The market was somehow flat today after spending most of the day down again as the perilousness of Europe’s debt situation continues to worry investors like laryngitis worries Pavarotti or like coming in to contact with Paris Hilton worries osmophobes. Not only is Europe raining ash on the market’s parade (both literally and figuratively, though
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5/12/10 Midevening Report: Gold hits record high causing a run on Flavor Flav’s teeth
The markets were on fucking fire today as investors shook off the historic drop last Thursday, apparently confident that the SEC looking in to the causes of the sell off will yield answers other than the current ones whch include: “Beats me,” “How the fuck should I know,” “and hey look, it’s Enrico Pallazzo!” The
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5/11/10 Midafternoon Report: Europe bailout signals “too PIIGS to fail” policy
Did I miss something yesterday? Jeesh, Money McBags takes a day off to fine tune his factors of production and Europe decides to mimic Ben Bernanke’s “too big to count” strategy by printing up enough Euros to finally finish off the Bialowieza Forest or to get 36 very straight hours with the lovely Ashley Dupre.
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5/7/10 Midday Report: The market has no clothes (and sadly, it resembles Abe Vigoda)
Holy fucking shit. You’ll have to excuse Money McBags today because he is still trying to put his limbs back on after jumping from his penthouse apartment during yesterday’s volatility which saw the market drop by 9% in 20 minutes. Whether it was spurred by riots in Greece, a fat finger (or as Portia Di