Daily report
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It’s Not You, It’s Money McBags
— Dear Readers, —– We all knew this day would eventually come, and unfortunately Money McBags is not talking about the end of Ben Bernanke’s “Reign of Error” or the Lindsay Lohan sex tape. What Money McBags is talking about is his going back to work (well at least the kind of work that requires
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4/14/11 Midnight Report: As Always, New Claims For Unemployment Claim the Economy Still Sucks
The market rallied a bit in the afternoon as rising new claims for unemployment missed analyst guesses by somewhere near a fuckton (give or take an asshair or ten), Portugal and Greece saw bond yields rocket up more than applications to LaSalle’s MBA program and even more than Kate Upton on the awesomeness scale, and
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Very Brief Update: Zonked Out
Dear Readers, Money McBags had a minor and planned medical procedure today (nowhere near as useful as this) that unfortunately caused him to be knocked the fuck out and while he thought he could quickly shake off the cobwebs and get out a column on KITD, he wound up spending from 2pm to ~8pm drooling
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4/12/11 Midnight Report: Macro News Blows, But Will it Swallow the Market’s Momentum?
The market traded down today as earnings season began not with a bang, or a whimper, but with a Kirstie Alley-esque thud as AA missed revenue guesses (and the 6% drop in the stock likely caused some AA investors to fall off the wagon), Japan’s market fell again as the severity of the nuclear disaster
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4/11/11 Midnight Report: Will Margin Pressure Make Earnings Season A Bigger Bust Than Christina Hendricks’?
The market was down today as there was little news to keep the momo of the ponzeconomy™ going as investors await earnings reports (which promise to be spanktastic, as long as investors don’t care about silly little things like margins, profits, and expectations more reduced than those of Sbarro’s owners, Alan Greenspan’s parents, or Russell
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4/7/10 Midnight Report: Budget? We Don’t Need No Stinking Budget
The market stumbled a bit today on news of a potential government shutdown (and politicians quibbling over a $40B budget difference is like someone quibbling over Brooklyn Decker‘s SAT scores because in the big picture, it is more irrelevant than Donald Trump), a new earthquake hitting Japan (luckily no damage was done but the Pacific
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4/4/11 Midnight Report: Will March’s Madness lead to April Fools?
Today was a quiet day in the market (even quieter than Bernie Madoff’s trading floor on a triple witching Friday or a Money McBags column without the dick jokes) as investors bask in the fictitious and marginally above consensus guessed jobs numbers from Friday (and if you missed it, Money McBags dove in to the
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3/31/11 Midnight Report: On Opening Day, Fed Continues to Take Economy Out to the Bawl Game
The market was relatively quiet today as investors brace themselves for tomorrow’s Labor Force Participation Rate Report, Money McBags means Jobs Report, from the (No) Labor Department which will likely be more fictitious than a James Frey memoir, a Jayson Blair news story, or Ryan Seacrest’s girlfriend (at least the girlfriend who supposedly pees sitting
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3/28/11 Midnight Report: Same Shit, Different Day
The market rose for most of the day like the radiation readings from the Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power Plant (where engineers recently found plutonium in the soil which is either from the nuclear melt down or a broken flux capacitor) until it sagged in the afternoon like Dez Bryant’s shorts (and perhaps his bank account
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3/15/11 Midnight Report: Market has a JaPanic Attack
Holy fucking shit. It is not often Money McBags wakes up to such a far reaching news story (even farther reaching than Ben Bernanke’s logic) and a story of such epic proportions (even more epically proportioned than Ice-T’s wife) that it dominates the headlines more than a Presidential election, has potentially more dire consequences on