Daily report
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2/3/11 Midnight Report: Bernanke Says Everything is A-OK (Other than Employment, Non-Core Inflation, and Anything Else That Makes a Healthy Economy)
The market closed up again today as Ben Bernanke let the National Press Club know that either the economy is fucked, or it isn’t (Money McBags is still trying to decipher Benny B’s speech but as “blowhard” is what Money McBags’ considers a command and not a language, it may take some time), protests in
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2/2/11 Midnight Report: Mubarak Challenges Quantitative Easing for Title of Biggest Pyramid Scheme
The market was relatively quiet today as protesters in Egypt clashed with pro-government supporters (apparently one group wore plaid and another wore stripes, how gauche), earnings were more mixed than a Barack Obama-John Kerry love child (and with a terrific radio voice to boot), and investors gathered around their TVs to see if Lloyd Blankfein
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2/1/11 Midnight Report: Egypt Shmegypt. You Can’t Stop the Rally, You Can’t Even Hope to Contain It
Fuck yeah was it on today as the cry of “1400 or Bust!” rang through the trading pits (and if it is Melissa Archer’s bust, well, then Money McBags may have to be rooting with his shorts) like other momentous rallying cries such as “The British are coming,” “Remember the Alamo,” and “Who Let the
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1/30/11 Two Day After Report: Protests in Egypt Cause Market to Take It in The Sphinxter
Holy(land) shit did the market sell off on Friday as civil (or more exactly, uncivil) unrest overran the streets of Egypt like Ben Bernanke overran the Fed’s printing presses or hepatitis C overran Pam Anderson’s liver. Protesters were apparently frustrated by government corruption, economic stagnation, a lack of political freedom, and Ehsan Hatem El-Kirdany‘s refusal
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1/27/11 Midnight Report: S&P Touches 1300, 1300 Says it Liked it
Despite new claims for unemployment putting up the largest weekly increase since September 2005 (and you all remember September 2005, right? Alan Greenspan was still a genius, iPads were still just the truncated spelling of a sanitary napkin, and Kim Kardashian’s vagina was still underwraps (and some guy named Damon Thomas too)), despite Japan being
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1/26/11 Midnight Report: If a Fed Statement Falls During a Rally, Does it Make a Noise?
The market continued to rally today as the Fed voted to keep QE2 going (something about the economy being shitty, so rally on), bankers at Davos figuratively whipped out their cocks (which now seem so much smaller since they no longer get to mark to market) and pontificated about how regulation is bad for their
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1/24/11 Midnight Report: Market Keeps Moving Higher as Investors Now Buy the Rip
Oh shit did the market get it’s buying on today as investors once again shunned the reality of Europe’s tenuous hold on the Euro (and Ireland, as the Fianna Fail party finally fucking failed this weekend. And note to political leaders, if you’re going to start a party, here are some words you might want
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1/22/10 Day After Report: GE Causes Market to (Im)Melt Up as Shorts Watch their BACks
A big fucking yawn today as less happened in US macro news than in an MBA strategy class (now let Money McBags get this straight Mr. Porter, which one of the five forces involves the ability to continuously print money to get out of debt? Is that the “no threat of entry,” the “no substitute
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1/20/11 Midnight Report: When All Else Fails, Just Buy The Dip
The market was down strong in the morning as both fears of rising inflation in China and common sense seemed to hurt sentiment, but then like a phoenix rising from the ashes (though luckily not River Phoenix rising from his ashes, because that would have been weird) investors stopped adjusting their bollinger bands, refused to
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1/19/10 Midnight Report: Market Goes Down on Earnings, Did it Swallow Idea that the Economy is Improving?
The market sold off today as earnings were more mixed than Tiger Woods’ family tree, housing data continued to remind people that double dipping can cause more than just herpes, and investors were all liquidating their portfolios to get cash to buy those 50% off Amazon coupons at Living Social in order to get in