1/22/10 Day After Report: GE Causes Market to (Im)Melt Up as Shorts Watch their BACks
A big fucking yawn today as less happened in US macro news than in an MBA strategy class (now let Money McBags get this straight Mr. Porter, which one of the five forces involves the ability to continuously print money to get out of debt? Is that the “no threat of entry,” the “no substitute products,” or the “no common sense?” force) or in Hubert Blackman’s hotel suite (and Money McBags fully supports Mr. Blackman’s initiative).
The only mildly interesting news was that Obama has appointed GE’s Jeffrey Immelt to head up his outside panel of economic advisers and Immelt will be named the chairman of the soon to be created Council on Jobs and Competitiveness (which was also christened with the unfortunate slogan of “Lets Not Blow Jobs”). With Immelt having destroyed 31k jobs in his 10 years as GE’s CEO, it is a bit of a curious choice, like appointing Mel Gibson as the ambassador to Israel or nominating Bristol Palin to head up an abstinence campaign (and OH MONEY MCBAGS’ FUCKING GOD, this video appears to be authentic as the douche chills run up and down Money McBags taint).
Other than that, Republicans are getting their panties in a bunch about bailing out soon to be bankrupt states, like the states of hope and optimism (though if it is republican Kristi Noem whose panties are in a bunch, Money McBags would gladly help unbunch them were she to take that fucking dead animal off of her head first. Money McBags isn’t saying that’s a bad haircut, but he’s seen ass hair with more style). Also Money McBags needed to point out that a NY Times poll found that people prefer cutting government spending to paying higher taxes to lower the debt, but then they prefer higher taxes to cutting medicare or social security. No shit captain obvious, but did you really need to run a poll to show that people are fucking self-interested? What’s the poll going to be next week? Do men prefer receiving oral to not receiving it? Or perhaps, is sleeping easier than exercising? When did journalism die?
Internationally, the femen movement continues to draw in supporters (and Money McBags is such a believer in their movement that he will donate all of the proceeds from today’s column to their cause), while Germany’s IFO business confidence index rose to its highest level since reunification (no shit) as economists expect domestic demand to increase as companies further invest in equipment, facilities, and laxatives to produce more of their famed scat films.
The real news today though was earnings and the big story was GOOG who put up a monster Q and yet announced that CEO Eric Schmidt is stepping down because apparently world domination was deemed not successful enough. Replacing Schmidt will be co-founder Larry Page whose algorithm formed the basis of GOOG’s search engine and who will run the company by being less of an asshole. Basically, it sounds like the bureaucracy was winning so this is a way to try to re-energize the spirit of innovation before GOOG becomes MSFT, or Playboy. As for earnings, eps was up ~28% to $7.81 though excluding stock-options, tax benefits, and whatever other parts of GAAP accouting are deemed unnecessary, eps was $8.75. Net revenue was also up 28% to $6.37B as the company advertised the fuck out of shit even though other Google businesses are still struggling to find success like Google TV, Google Buzz, and Google Candwiches.
In other earnings news, BAC posted a loss due to a little something called declining revenue and mortgage fraud. While analysts debate what to actually put in to numbers (since as we all keep learning GAAP accounting is for pussies), we do know that BAC had to write off another $4.1B of mortgages, $2B in mortgage operations, and all credibility (just kidding, they wrote that off years ago). BAC also increased their litigation liability by $1.5B, or only $8.5B below what the liability could be, in more wishful thinking than when Money McBags thinks of this. In theory, BAC earned ~$.04 which was way below the $.14 eps and driven by revenue of ~$22.6B a full $2B below analyst guesses and $22.6B above any value they actually added. Like other manipulated institutions (GS, MS, Lexington Steele’s johnson) trading results were disappointing led by fixed income as buying the dip caused bonds to take a dip (and not this kind of dip).
And lets not forget our new government run institution GE who beats guesses in the Q and that was before their CEO accepted a job as a top adviser to the President. Now Money McBags isn’t implying this is a conflict of interest (because it’s not like a huge company like GE ever needs the government’s help), he is guaranteeing it is a conflict of interest but shit, with the government now in bed with GE, GM, and GS, it’s only a matter of time before G-Unit is performing at White House functions. Revenue at GE was up 1% which was the first positive growth in 9 quarters and earnings from continuing operations rose 31% to $.36 per share (which beat analyst guesses of $.32 per a share) thanks to GE Capital’s profit going from $100MM to $1.1B after they decided to relax the restrictions of decimal points.
Finally, AMD was down 6% despite strong results as investors fear a new CEO will fuck up AMD’s already fucked up competitive position.
In small caps news, KITD continues to sell off after a big run up and Money McBags will be buying more if this bitch falls under $13. As for next week, he is going to be keeping his eye on earnings from KEYN, SMCI, and CRUS (that is when he is not keeping his eye on Chrishell Stause). Money McBags is hella interested in old friend CRUS who we sold out of a while ago but has rallied back since they are still selling a fuckload of chips to Apple, and Apple is selling more than a fuckload of iPhones (perhaps an orgyload?). It remains a ridiculously cheap company if they can continue that relationship but remember, guidance last Q disappointed and the momentum funds ran away from the stock faster than if it were non-christian and they were the new Alabama governor. Money McBags wouldn’t buy ahead of the Q because he hasn’t done any channel checks (though he did check these channels and found them delightful) and as we all know, when small growth companies first show signs of slowing like CRUS did last Q, it is usually time to get out. So let’s pay attention to the Q, pay attention to management’s comments, and most importantly, pay attention to Sofia Vergara, because good things could still be happening at CRUS.
Have a good weekend.
Editors Note: Yes, Money McBags knows the headline pun was fuck awful. Seriously, it hurts his balls to have to use that but as there was no theme today in the market, Money McBags was fucking stumped here. It’s a shame because Money McBags actually thinks it is a decent column (the ass hair reference being one of his favorites), but fuck, he just had nothing and wanted to get the column out already. Unfortunately, not every day can be an anal beads reference.
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