The market traded down today like anyone who has ever broken up with the delightful Brooklyn Decker as new claims for unemployment were out and were much worse than analysts had guessed (and not just because analysts suck at their jobs like one-legged kick boxers, but because we’re in a fucking recession).  Money McBags hates to sound like a broken record (and not a good broken record like the Houston 500, but a shitty broken record like a scratched Charlie Daniels Band LP that keeps repeating the chorus of that awful Devil Goes Down to Georgia), but the economy is not getting better and employment remains as tenuous as Charles Rangel’s hold on his congressional seat or Rudy Giuliani’s hold on his daughter (though not as tenuous as her hold on some Sephora cosmetics).

Claims rose by 19k to 479k after being revised upwards last week from 457k to 460k continuing the government’s “Hold the shock and hope for no awe” strategy of consistently revising numbers worse than they were initially announced to have been.  Of course Money McBags is on to this charade (which is both bigger than a bread box and even likely bigger than Bree Olson‘s box) and shared his clairvoyance (though he’d rather share clair bidez “flamboyance”) last week by saying: “Analyst guesses were for initital claims to come in at 459k, so in theory the data was slightly better than guesses until a week from today when initial claims are revised upward to 460k+

And remember, the market rallied a bit last week when analyst guesses of new claims for unemployment were better than the number reported at the time, and yet now those guesses were actually worse than the real number, so manipulation on.

As for this week, Analysts actually guessed that claims would drop to 455k and thus they were not only off by a large number, but couldn’t even get the fucking direction right, and yet Wall Street pays these guys a fuckload for their guesses based on models calibrated on outdated data and an inability to use rational thought.

Not only does the government manipulate the numbers, but now they are manipulating the spin by saying that the jump in new unemployment claims this week suffers from noise due to their trouble adjusting for seasonality as the non-seasonally adjusted number of claims was actually only ~400k.  Ok, first of all, fuck seasonality.  Really, Money McBags gives a fuck about any kind of adjustment made by anyone unless it is being made by Emilie de Ravin and the adjustment is in Money McBags’ pants.  All Money McBags wants is the raw data, he doesn’t want it smoothed, he doesn’t want it altered, and he doesn’t want it augmented like a 50 year old actress.  He just wants is to know how many new claims were filed and he can normalize for year over year comparisons and seasonal changes himself.

Anyway, the point is new jobless claims were fuckawful and will likely be revised to more fuckawful next week, but nothing to see here as the low liquidity of the market keeps the merry go round moving.

In other macro news, July retail sales trailed guesses for the fourth consecutive month but still grew 3% even with a weak teen sector driven by teens not being able to find part time jobs and not looking for them due to the emergence of rainbow parties among high school students throughout the country.  Teen retailers like HOTT, WTSLA, and BKE all had negative same store comps which is made worse  because it comes on the heals (which may excite podophiliacs) of last year’s Q being softer than the landing of a Fed Reserve Goldilocks scenario for managing interest rates and avoiding recession (which is also referred to as a “pipe dream”).  Retailers are now resorting to increased promotions like $20 jeans, smart phone giveaways, and free Brett Favre dong pictures for all of the ladies.   Retailers hope these promotions will help generate back to school sales even if they hurt margins but if teen spending continues to be stunted, you may want to start thinking about shorting the Mall REITs again.

Internationally, Greece was cleared to get their next round of bailouts following a two week audit by a team from the EU, ECB, IMF, and NAMBLA.  The auditors surprisingly didn’t turn to stone when looking at the ugliness of Greece’s books as a result of Greece’s past dionysian lifestyle and they remarked that Greece had made impressive progress in revamping their economy, really grabbing the bull by the horns (though luckily the bull was not the Minotaur).  The country is set to receive 9B in euro in the upcoming months which they promise will go to necessary government jobs, paying down other debt in the further ponzi-fication of the world, and continuing to promote the career of Maria Kanellis.

Also overseas, the ECB and Bank of England are holding rates steadier than a pareto optimal solution.  The British central bank voted against more stimulus, choosing not to expand their current package which means Kelly Brook’s upcoming Piranha 3-D will not be shown in English theatres.  That said, the President of the ECB, Jean-Claude Trichet, offered positive comments on Europe saying that the bank stress tests from July should give the market confidence and at least they’re not Africa.

There weren’t many earnings announcements in the market today but Viacom’s profits rose 52% thanks to stronger advertising revenues on their cable channels like MTV which some are calling the Jersey Shore effect as that show has increased viewers to the cable channel as well STDs among its audience.  Revenue was flat though as VH1 saw a steep decline in viewers (because really, who wants to watch Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens dating shows?  Those two are more boring and vapid than lint) and their DVD business struggled (and with streaming videos from NetFlix, the DVD business should be deader than Cloris Leachman).

Also, noted hedge fund portfolio manager extraordinairre who never saw a CDO he couldn’t have Goldman Sachs manipulate, John Paulson, said he is getting more bearish on the market.  He reduced the net long exposure of his funds just in time for last month’s run up showing one can only front run the market for so long.

In small cap news, Playboy reported a slightly disappointing Q as revenue went down ~10%, income from operations was barely positive, and they still haven’t convinced Christina Hendricks to pose for the magazine.  Of course their quarter is largely irrelevant with Hef having made a bid of $5.50 per share to buy out the company which fittingly gives the stock a nice bottom.

WWE got the smackdown today after their Q2 was seemingly put in a camel clutch and had to tap out.  Revenues were flat with last year but eps was down from $.14 to $.08 as a result of a mix shift to lower margin business, logistical issues related to the Icelandic volcano, and people not wanting to watch big dudes wearing skimpy tights and rolling around on the floor with each other.  CEO Vince McMahon said the economy has hurt them as well as recent changes in their talent base where injuries have forced them to exhume noted heroes from the past such as Andre the Giant, Big John Studd, and Hulk Hogan.

Finally, Money McBags has been recommending TMRK for a long time now (no really, put it in the fancy new search box on the much improved When Genius Prevailed and see for yourselves) and they put up a nice Q.  Revenue was up 20% to $79MM, EBITDA was up 15% to $19MM, bookings were a record $58MM, and they colocated the fuck out of some shit.  They also signed a deal with Verizon that could total $20MM-$25MM annual revenue and said they will start moving internationally by building a data center in Amsterdam which will help the red light district become even more virtual.

Not only that, but the icing on the cake, or the cum swap at the end of an MFF video if you will, was that their cloud computing business was up 19% sequentially and is now at a $26MM annual run rate.  Sure it’s still small and inconsequential, but cloud computing is growing faster than Blue Whale with an overactive pituitary.  And it wasn’t just this Q that was good, but TMRK raised 2011 fiscal year revenue guidance to $345MM to $350MM and EBITDA targets $99MM to $102MM.

So look, Money McBags could go through a whole valuation exercise and guess at numbers for this company but that is all irrelevant.  Taking current guidance, TMRK is trading ~10x fiscal 2011 EV/EBITDA which is about where acquisitions have been happening but this isn’t a business Money McBags cares too much about valuation as long as it is reasonable because colocation/cloud computing is a bigger long term trend than reality tv or the death of civility.  Given that, this is a company Money McBags would just own and not worry about individual quarters or valuation (unless it gets to be ridiculous) as those short term issues interest Money McBags about as much as condoms interest Levi Johnston.

The point is, what TMRK does is a cost save for companies who don’t want to waste their fucking time buying hardware and running IT departments if they’re not in the IT department business, which is pretty much every company out there.  Afterall, the internet isn’t even free anymore.  Virtualization is here, and its only going to get stronger as more people move online and look to cut out the headaches of figuring out what hardware to use, what software to buy, and where to store their porn.  TMRK should continue to enjoy success and while Money McBags fully expects the ride to be bumpy, he believes in the big picture story and considers this company a small cap core holding.

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