4/4/11 Midnight Report: Will March’s Madness lead to April Fools?
Today was a quiet day in the market (even quieter than Bernie Madoff’s trading floor on a triple witching Friday or a Money McBags column without the dick jokes) as investors bask in the fictitious and marginally above consensus guessed jobs numbers from Friday (and if you missed it, Money McBags dove in to the jobs report this weekend with all of the skill, finesse, and aplomb of Kirstie Alley diving in to a vat of Cherry Garcia ice cream) and get ready for tonight’s highly anticipated college championship (and Money McBags is taking the Big East entrant and giving the points).
With Money McBags still getting over his hangover from cheering at this weekend’s slut walk (though it was nowhere near as fun as watching this slut walk) and with news more non-existent than this second girl’s vagina (and note to TLC, really? No, hold on a second and read that again, really? Money McBags honestly doesn’t know if that whole thing is an April Fool’s joke or way too much information but either way he’ll be sure to tune in, though with the sound off, his eyes closed, and a barf bag close by) or people who give a shit about Katie Couric leaving CBS news (note to CBS, you have a news program?), today’s column is going to be an old school When Genius Prevailed of 800 words and done because sometimes you have to play the cards which you are dealt.
In US macro news, Republicans released their first attempt at a budget which included cutting $4T by taking away many Medicare and Medicaid benefits in their attempt to become even less popular. Pundits are calling it “Operation Don’t Elect Us” because even if the budget deficit is spiraling more out of control than Lindsay Lohan‘s career or Raj Rajaratnam’s phone bill, cutting entitlements before the elections is one of the worst electoral strategies since Alf Landon’s refusal to campaign and Alton B. Parker’s refusal to be someone else. And as long as the macro news was driven by political gobbledygook, it is worth noting that President Obama announced his formal re-election campaign bid today and he promises to run on the strength of his accomplishments such as not being Bush, that super cool vegetable garden, and did Money McBags already say not being Bush?
In news you should care about if you’ve come to the award winning When Genius Prevailed (other than learning about Eva Green’s NSWF nude scene in the new show Camelot, where viewers apparently “came a lot,” and yes, that wins bad pun of the week so far), oil rose to 30 month highs as the Middle East remains in more turmoil than Southwest Airlines’ planes (where fuselages have developed bigger cracks than the one in Kim Kardashian’s ass) as Libyan rebels are being recognized as the legitimate government by France, Qatar, Italy, and a bunch of other countries who will run when it is time to support them. Rising oil prices obviously don’t bode well for the Fed led recovery (even though energy prices don’t figure in to the Fed’s calculation of inflation which is as non-sensical as Snooki getting paid $2k more than Toni Morrison to speak at Rutgers since we all know she should have been paid at least $10k more because let’s see Toni Morrison perform a San Diego Sandal while shotgunning a beer) which means the odds of QE3 rise by the day. The only other US market news was that the SEC is probing backdoor mergers which is bad news for both Chinese companies and Bree Olson.
Internationally, Japan apparently released radioactive waste in to the ocean (and Money McBags has seen this before and does not like where it is going), so it’s good to see they have things under control. The nuclear meltdown and the fact that the Japanese economy has been stagnant since David Vitters was in diapers caused business confidence to sag more than Chelsea Handler’s boobs as Japan continues to face more known unknowns than Magic Johnson’s wife.
In the market, McDonald’s said they will hire 50k workers which means there might eventually be one clean McDonald’s bathroom, while semiconductor stocks fell after Nomura Securities said the sector is facing weakening demand, peak gross margins, and higher capital spending which is known as the pu pu platter of bad news.
In small cap stocks, COOL keeps running as it was up nearly 20% today as Zumba Fitness continues to make waves in the video game space (waves of fat ripples that is). And Money McBags read a note from Roth Capital today on KITD where the analyst thinks The Platform is not KITD’s acquisition target but some Italian company named Deltarte, which interestingly enough is Italian for “dilution.” Apparently Northland Securities pointed this out a couple of weeks ago but Money McBags doesn’t read Northland research as he considers them the Sidoti of the small cap space (and see, that is funny because Sidoti is in the small cap space).
Look, Money McBags doesn’t give a fuck if KITD buys The Platform, this Deltarte company, or Jim Cramer’s taint hairs, as long as they just buy the $50MM in revenues they said they were going to buy and don’t do it while raising a fuckton of equity. To be honest, Money McBags is getting a bit nervous about the deal even though he has absolutely no information other than KITD’s CEO kind of hedging on their conference call (which Money McBags pointed out in his KITD analysis from last week, and he pointed this out too). Money McBags doesn’t need to go over his thesis for the 1MMth time, but if they don’t make the transformative acquisition they have been talking about, it would just make management seem a bit goofier than the Street already perceives them to be and that is why there is a higher short interest in KITD than in Matt Howard’s pro basketball career (and note to the reader, Money McBags just finished watching Butler absolutely shit all over a basketball court for the final 20 minutes of a championship game which marks the first time Money McBags has watched a scat film in its entirety, so please forgive his writing tonight because he is not sure his eyes are working properly). The point is, Money McBags is getting hella nervous about KITD pulling this shit off but they sort of don’t need to for the stock to work in the long-term. That said, if the deal underwhelms, there could be a steep sell off so if you are in this name just for a quick pop, be careful.
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about 1 year ago - 8 comments
Oh shit, Money McBags has been forced to come out of temporary and semi-retirement (though he still tweets, facebooks, and guesses NSFW muffs on a nightly basis) as his inbox (though he would prefer to be in this box) has been overflowing with questions on what the fuck KITD is doing by raising equity once
about 1 year ago - 7 comments
Kind readers, for months Money McBags has promised to bring you a new Q&A with KITD CEO Kaleil Tuzman (Money McBags promised even before he went to the great hedge fund in the sky) and he profusely apologizes for its tardiness. He actually emailed the below questions to Mr. Tuzman (at Mr. Tuzman’s request no
about 2 years ago - 8 comments
Money McBags promised to get to his breakdown of KITD’s transformational acquisition of ioko the other day, and he apologizes for the delay, but he got busy with some other shit (that other shit mainly being the recently released NSFW Kate Bosworth nude pics), so you’ll have to forgive him for not getting to it
about 2 years ago - 7 comments
The market rallied a bit in the afternoon as rising new claims for unemployment missed analyst guesses by somewhere near a fuckton (give or take an asshair or ten), Portugal and Greece saw bond yields rocket up more than applications to LaSalle’s MBA program and even more than Kate Upton on the awesomeness scale, and
about 2 years ago - 3 comments
Dear Readers, Money McBags had a minor and planned medical procedure today (nowhere near as useful as this) that unfortunately caused him to be knocked the fuck out and while he thought he could quickly shake off the cobwebs and get out a column on KITD, he wound up spending from 2pm to ~8pm drooling
about 2 years ago - 1 comment
The market traded down today as earnings season began not with a bang, or a whimper, but with a Kirstie Alley-esque thud as AA missed revenue guesses (and the 6% drop in the stock likely caused some AA investors to fall off the wagon), Japan’s market fell again as the severity of the nuclear disaster
4/11/11 Midnight Report: Will Margin Pressure Make Earnings Season A Bigger Bust Than Christina Hendricks’?
about 2 years ago - No comments
The market was down today as there was little news to keep the momo of the ponzeconomy™ going as investors await earnings reports (which promise to be spanktastic, as long as investors don’t care about silly little things like margins, profits, and expectations more reduced than those of Sbarro’s owners, Alan Greenspan’s parents, or Russell
about 2 years ago - 1 comment
Money McBags promised he would get to KITD’s quarter on Tuesday but then he sat down to do his taxes and well, shit got a little hairy (though not as hairy as Paul Volcker’s taint). Now Money McBags isn’t saying the AMT is convoluted, he is saying the AMT is fucking convoluted. Money McBags has
about 2 years ago - 6 comments
The market rose for most of the day like the radiation readings from the Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power Plant (where engineers recently found plutonium in the soil which is either from the nuclear melt down or a broken flux capacitor) until it sagged in the afternoon like Dez Bryant’s shorts (and perhaps his bank account
about 2 years ago - 3 comments
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