Hells yeah, Money McBags is back with some content (sort of, but more on that later, and more on this now).  You’ll have to excuse his absence which has lasted much longer than he expected (though not as long as it took to put together the Mesopotamian dictionary which hopefully will be followed by the Mesopotamian Urban Dictionary where we can learn all of the different connotations of Alexander’s helmet and dropping a Hammurabi code), but Money McBags:

1.  Started a new job (labor force participation rate be damned) which has led him to spend an inordinate amount of time once again trying to fit his round peg in to the business world’s square hole while also working diligently to make a better first impression than Peter Diamond.

2.  Relocated from parts unknown to parts better known (though unfortunately none of the parts were known to be attached to Kate Upton).

3.  Spent copious hours trying to answer the B(L)S’ 54k job question which requires a shitload of hope, goal seeking, and even some Calabi-Yau shapes to get to anything resembling a healthy Ponzeconomy™ in this world of the infinite multiverse.


But most importantly:


4.  Was unable to toggle his computer over to WordPress to publish his titriffic columns as he found it his civic duty (and yes he said duty) to use his fat finger to analyze every inch of the very NSFW Blake Lively nude photos.  Yeoman’s, work Money McBags’ friends, yeoman’s work.

Trust Money McBags, his absence has hurt him more than a PA trade hurt David Sokol as since he has been gone we’ve had Schwarzennegger‘s love child (and Money McBags will take the over on number of mistresses the Governator has had, as well as the under if this was one of them), DSK’s forced African stimulus plan (who said the French never did anything for their colonies?), Anthony Weiner’s fucking weiner (and his figurative self-immolation where he finally got a load off of his chest, after trying to put a load on many other chests), and a swarm of angry beavers attacking Philadelphia (though unfortunately not these angry beavers).   So dear comedy gods, really?  You couldn’t have done this three fucking months ago when Money McBags was trying to make shit like the Fed Notes, Europe’s Bank Stress Tests, and the Chicago PMI funny?

Anyway, Money McBags dearly wanted to write this weekend about the NFP Jobs Report (with NFP of course standing for No Fucking Pay) as he was tickled pink by the black box model (while also dreaming of tickling the pink of this black box model) that is the BLS birth/death plug which registered a cockposturous 200k jobs added and once again showed the Ponzeconomy™ to be less healthy than Sino-Forest’s balance sheet or Pam Anderson’s vagina.  Even if the birth/death plug were real (and Money McBags believes in the Easter Bunny, Hanukkah Harry, and Newt Gingrich more than the birth/death model), the jobs number was still more disappointing to the outdated models of economists than the Disney adult entertainment fantasy cruise was to members of the Red Rooster club.

Money McBags really wanted to write about the fact that even though 54k jobs were added last month, the number of unemployed people went up from 13.674MM to 13.779MM, the labor force participation rate remained at 20ish year lows, and the Smurfs were finally exposed for the racist little fucks that they are.  Alas, he was busy getting his new life in order so he didn’t have the time, but things are starting to fall in to place and he may be able to get out content on a more frequent basis (though no promises).

That said, before he left for the great hedge fund in the sky, he had an email exchange with KITD’s CEO Kaleil Tuzman where he sent Mr. Tuzman a flurry of insightful (and titsightful) questions to be answered.  As Mr. Tuzman was in the midst of buying a different company than he led the Street to believe he would be acquiring while also furiously penning many anti-short tomes to investors to let them know that the market was misunderstanding the KITD story, he apparently didn’t have time to fully respond.

Yet after many emails back and forth (and back and forth forever, and kind reader, if you go to one Money McBags’ link today, let it be the Blake Lively NSFW photos, but if you go to two, let it be the Blake Lively photos and then the back and forth forever link), Mr. Tuzman finally got to Money McBags’ questions and promised they would be through his legal council by Monday of this week.  This Q&A is the content Money McBags promised over the weekend that he would put out today and it would have been a hella fucking deep and intriguing look at KITD to remind everyone why Money McBags is known as the world’s most dangerous analyst.

Alas (a lass? all ass), Mr. Tuzman emailed Money McBags the other day to let him know that the answers are hung up with KITD’s lawyers and will not be properly scrubbed until next week (and trust Money McBags, his questions needed scrubbing like the dirty little inquisitions that they are).  So Money McBags apologizes for promising content and then leaving you all more hung out to dry than Fabulous Fabrice Tourre whose only defense seems to be to blame it on the rain.

This of course is about the 10th time Mr. Tuzman has promised to answer Money McBags’ questions and delivered about as well as QE2 or a vaginal artesia sufferer, so who knows if Money McBags will ever get the answers.  At this point, Money McBags is seriously considering changing Mr. Tuzman’s moniker from “The Great Diluter” to the “The Big Stock (question) Tease” (of course Money McBags could have just asked Mr. Tuzman when he saw him yesterday, but Clark Kent must never reveal his secret identity).

So apologies for the lack of real content (though this pointless diatribe will still be ~1.3k words, with several dick jokes, and new bodies of thought), Money McBags hopes to have the KITD Q&A next week and then will try to be back with original material shortly thereafter.

Money McBags does appreciate you being patient (and if this were you, he would be very very patient as well).


*Writer’s note:  If you have made it this far, you clearly have run out of NSFW muffs to guess so Money McBags has a question for you:  Would you prefer a long (~1.5k word) weekly column or a short (~300 word) nightly update?  Money McBags isn’t sure which will work best or which he will try to do, but your input is most appreciated (especially if this is your input).  The biggest bottleneck right now is Money McBags’ inability to surf the web during the day to find the links and content you all deserve, so he will be accepting applications for interns to do that for him at moneymcbags@gmail.com (and he is only 42% joking).

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