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Where Have You Gone Money McBags? The Ponzeconomy Turns its Lonely Lies To You. Spew Spew Spew.

Hells yeah, Money McBags is back with some content (sort of, but more on that later, and more on this now).  You’ll have to excuse his absence which has lasted much longer than he expected (though not as long as it took to put together the Mesopotamian dictionary which hopefully will be followed by the Mesopotamian Urban Dictionary where we can learn all of the different connotations of Alexander’s helmet and dropping a Hammurabi code), but Money McBags:

1.  Started a new job (labor force participation rate be damned) which has led him to spend an inordinate amount of time once again trying to fit his round peg in to the business world’s square hole while also working diligently to make a better first impression than Peter Diamond.

2.  Relocated from parts unknown to parts better known (though unfortunately none of the parts were known to be attached to Kate Upton).

3.  Spent copious hours trying to answer the B(L)S’ 54k job question which requires a shitload of hope, goal seeking, and even some Calabi-Yau shapes to get to anything resembling a healthy Ponzeconomy™ in this world of the infinite multiverse.

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But most importantly:

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4.  Was unable to toggle his computer over to WordPress to publish his titriffic columns as he found it his civic duty (and yes he said duty) to use his fat finger to analyze every inch of the very NSFW Blake Lively nude photos.  Yeoman’s, work Money McBags’ friends, yeoman’s work.

Trust Money McBags, his absence has hurt him more than a PA trade hurt David Sokol as since he has been gone we’ve had Schwarzennegger‘s love child (and Money McBags will take the over on number of mistresses the Governator has had, as well as the under if this was one of them), DSK’s forced African stimulus plan (who said the French never did anything for their colonies?), Anthony Weiner’s fucking weiner (and his figurative self-immolation where he finally got a load off of his chest, after trying to put a load on many other chests), and a swarm of angry beavers attacking Philadelphia (though unfortunately not these angry beavers).   So dear comedy gods, really?  You couldn’t have done this three fucking months ago when Money McBags was trying to make shit like the Fed Notes, Europe’s Bank Stress Tests, and the Chicago PMI funny?

Anyway, Money McBags dearly wanted to write this weekend about the NFP Jobs Report (with NFP of course standing for No Fucking Pay) as he was tickled pink by the black box model (while also dreaming of tickling the pink of this black box model) that is the BLS birth/death plug which registered a cockposturous 200k jobs added and once again showed the Ponzeconomy™ to be less healthy than Sino-Forest’s balance sheet or Pam Anderson’s vagina.  Even if the birth/death plug were real (and Money McBags believes in the Easter Bunny, Hanukkah Harry, and Newt Gingrich more than the birth/death model), the jobs number was still more disappointing to the outdated models of economists than the Disney adult entertainment fantasy cruise was to members of the Red Rooster club.

Money McBags really wanted to write about the fact that even though 54k jobs were added last month, the number of unemployed people went up from 13.674MM to 13.779MM, the labor force participation rate remained at 20ish year lows, and the Smurfs were finally exposed for the racist little fucks that they are.  Alas, he was busy getting his new life in order so he didn’t have the time, but things are starting to fall in to place and he may be able to get out content on a more frequent basis (though no promises).

That said, before he left for the great hedge fund in the sky, he had an email exchange with KITD’s CEO Kaleil Tuzman where he sent Mr. Tuzman a flurry of insightful (and titsightful) questions to be answered.  As Mr. Tuzman was in the midst of buying a different company than he led the Street to believe he would be acquiring while also furiously penning many anti-short tomes to investors to let them know that the market was misunderstanding the KITD story, he apparently didn’t have time to fully respond.

Yet after many emails back and forth (and back and forth forever, and kind reader, if you go to one Money McBags’ link today, let it be the Blake Lively NSFW photos, but if you go to two, let it be the Blake Lively photos and then the back and forth forever link), Mr. Tuzman finally got to Money McBags’ questions and promised they would be through his legal council by Monday of this week.  This Q&A is the content Money McBags promised over the weekend that he would put out today and it would have been a hella fucking deep and intriguing look at KITD to remind everyone why Money McBags is known as the world’s most dangerous analyst.

Alas (a lass? all ass), Mr. Tuzman emailed Money McBags the other day to let him know that the answers are hung up with KITD’s lawyers and will not be properly scrubbed until next week (and trust Money McBags, his questions needed scrubbing like the dirty little inquisitions that they are).  So Money McBags apologizes for promising content and then leaving you all more hung out to dry than Fabulous Fabrice Tourre whose only defense seems to be to blame it on the rain.

This of course is about the 10th time Mr. Tuzman has promised to answer Money McBags’ questions and delivered about as well as QE2 or a vaginal artesia sufferer, so who knows if Money McBags will ever get the answers.  At this point, Money McBags is seriously considering changing Mr. Tuzman’s moniker from “The Great Diluter” to the “The Big Stock (question) Tease” (of course Money McBags could have just asked Mr. Tuzman when he saw him yesterday, but Clark Kent must never reveal his secret identity).

So apologies for the lack of real content (though this pointless diatribe will still be ~1.3k words, with several dick jokes, and new bodies of thought), Money McBags hopes to have the KITD Q&A next week and then will try to be back with original material shortly thereafter.

Money McBags does appreciate you being patient (and if this were you, he would be very very patient as well).

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*Writer’s note:  If you have made it this far, you clearly have run out of NSFW muffs to guess so Money McBags has a question for you:  Would you prefer a long (~1.5k word) weekly column or a short (~300 word) nightly update?  Money McBags isn’t sure which will work best or which he will try to do, but your input is most appreciated (especially if this is your input).  The biggest bottleneck right now is Money McBags’ inability to surf the web during the day to find the links and content you all deserve, so he will be accepting applications for interns to do that for him at moneymcbags@gmail.com (and he is only 42% joking).

It’s Not You, It’s Money McBags

Dear Readers,

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We all knew this day would eventually come, and unfortunately Money McBags is not talking about the end of Ben Bernanke’s “Reign of Error” or the Lindsay Lohan sex tape.   What Money McBags is talking about is his going back to work (well at least the kind of work that requires him to leave the comforts of his dining room, wear pants, and not spend all day thinking of puns for Kocherlakota or googling such important things as “downblouse” and “fat finger”) and thus ending this phase of the award winning When Genius Prevailed.  Trust Money McBags, this hurts him more than a purple nurple hurts Christina Hendricks as he feels like he has built something more special and unique than Enron’s accounting, the Sphinx, or Kim Kardashian’s ass, but alas, he has to eat, and other than his readers’ dignity, the award winning When Genius Prevailed has remained without monetary considerations.

It is a bittersweet decision because Money McBags’ huge cockled heart will always be with you, the readers, and writing a daily financial dick joke column for the past 1.5 years (holy fuck has it been that long?) is something that has started to define Money McBags and his life in ways that make him both blush and rage at the dying of his might have been career.  As most of you know, Money McBags started the award winning When Genius Prevailed after the hedge fund he worked for shut down (and not because of performance, but because the guy pulling the purse strings was not only pulling many other purse strings but is also what Money McBags believes is referred to in common vernacular as a “fucking scumbag who deserves to get leper AIDS of his penis”) and he needed an outlet for his creativity and basically a way to stay sharper than the tongue of the most cunning linguists such as Groucho Marx, Winston Churchill, and Portia Di Rossi.

Money McBags also wanted to pull off the buyside’s gaff and expose its hairy taint for retail investors to see how professionals evaluate companies (and yes, Money McBags just referred to himself as a professional which likely caused Benjamin Graham to roll over in his moderately priced grave and the polyamorous one to hide under his reputation, but whatever).  By forcing himself to write about the market on a daily basis, Money McBags made sure that he stayed on top of things (though he would have rather stayed on top of this) in what was the most brutal job market for investment analysts since, well, since ever, and to be honest, it made him hella better.  Putting out what grew from 800 words to >2k words a day for the entire world to read made him double and triple check everything because the column would never have worked if the information was off point.

And through it all, Money McBags found a voice and a niche, and traffic on the award winning When Genius Prevailed grew 20%+ a month, all through word of mouth (though unfortunately the word wasn’t “harder” and the mouth it was coming from wasn’t Marisa Miller‘s).  Including the reads Money McBags gets on Zerohedge, between 6k and 20k people a day now read his column (though as most of those readers stay on Zerohedge, he has less ability to monetize that traffic through shitty google ads than Larry Summers has the ability to not be a cocksnot).  And all of it started by just going to something called blogspot (this is the original website which is more of an eyesore than Amy Winehouse’s teeth or Jerome Kerviel‘s trading record) and putting up analysis and dick jokes day after day after day.

Sure Money McBags could have given it a go with newsletter but he didn’t think he quite had the scale (though it was getting there and there was interest both from readers and from people looking to fund it) and newsletters are all about marketing and Money McBags has less interest in marketing than GE has in paying taxes or Antonio Cromartie has in wearing a condom.  There was even interest in having him put out a newsletter without the dick jokes but that would have been like asking Picasso to paint without colors, the Treasury to make a decision without Goldman Sachs’ approval, or Camille Crimson to work without swallowing, so Money McBags politely declined.

While Money McBags did surpass his goal of 1MM readers (yep, read that again, over 1MM people in the last year and a half read Money McBags’ columns, even if some of them came to the award winning When Genius Prevailed by googling such esoteric economic theories such as “gum drop butt plug” and “midgets girls ass holes” (and yes, those were real searches)), there was just no money in it.  Shit, Money McBags allowed the guys behind this to hire an actor and shoot a couple of webisodes of his material that actually worked pretty fucking well, and that was supposed to start as a weekly series this past week, but right now, that has been pushed back a bit and Money McBags is now off to other ventures (those other ventures being working for the man to pay his rent).  But Money McBags has no doubt it could have worked (and it still might if he can find the time) because he writes his column like a slightly dirtier financial Daily Show (though watch the Daily Show and count the bleeps and you’ll be surprised how dirty that has become) only without that annoying douchey British guy and with more tits.

But let’s not dwell on what might have been, let’s dwell on what was.  Money McBags’ cockriffic 1 year anniversary column did a nice job summarizing his accomplishments and since then he has continued to crank out columns dealing with the most important financial issues of the day.

He tackled the meltdown in Japan with columns such as Market Has a Japanic Attack and Market hit by a Spoogenami.

He opined on the Middle East unrest with columns such as Big Flaps in Mid East May Require Libyaplasty and Protests in Egypt Cause Market to Take It in The Sphinxter, both of which will likely win posthumous Pulitzer Awards.

His monthly jobs report columns contain more detail, analysis, insight, and boobs than Nouriel Roubini running a regression at a Rick’s Cabaret.  He is sure it was required reading at the B(L)S and the SEC as soon as they finished their day’s work.

He has also written extensively about US macro news including columns about the Fed’s fallacious (and perhaps fellatious) use of core inflation such as Retail Sales Rotten at the Core while also writing about US economic policy such as Rich Guys Vote To Extend Tax Cuts For Rich, Laughter Trickles Down to Middle Class.

He wrote poems, he interviewed CEOs, and as he is one of the top 5 small cap analysts alive he has done deep dives in to many small companies where he obliterated anything the sell side has ever dreamed of doing by making sweet love to QCOR’s revenue numbers (and he is told Institutional Investor will be giving him their new “awesomeness” award for that one), verbally penetrating KITD’s dilutive deals and growth strategy, and anally pounding ZAGG in ways that would make Bree Olson jealous.  His small cap analysis has made the award winning When Genius Prevailed something the Street and retail investors have never seen as Money McBags has had no agenda other than to try to make money and spread the love (and he has been successful in that, so don’t forget to tip your analyst).

He has also tried different things such as an Oscar themed-column, fucking around with spammers, and introducing the world to the NSFW Femen Movement, NSFW Muff Guessing, and the barely SFW Brooklyn Decker nude pics.

And Money McBags hasn’t just tried to titillate and inform, but he has created an entirely new style of writing on the internet where he has flipped the Gawker model on it’s head by inserting funny/odd stories in to the actual text of his column (usually with the subtlety and panache of an Andrea Musser jail visit) instead of the much easier and lazier practice of posting a funny/odd story and riffing on that.

And the thing is Money McBags has had no editors, no fact checkers, no substitutes, no co-authors, no class, and no real input from anyone as to what he should write about in his columns.  He’s just a guy who sat in his dining room all day by himself dick joking and assfucking the market like the sweet little vixen that it is and hoping people would find it funny and interesting and come back for more.  It was like walking a fucking tight rope everyday with the wind blowing stronger than Kelly Madison in a MILF Hunter video as before he posted them, Money McBags had absolutely no idea if his daily columns would fall flat on their proverbial faces.

Money McBags could keep tooting his own horn, but he will digress because as any good analyst knows, one can’t be as backward looking as a politician.  Most importantly, this is not a sad time as Money McBags is going to work for what he considers to be one of the top hedge funds on the Street.  Honestly, if you were to ask Money McBags what three hedge funds he would want to work for, this fund would be one, two, and three.  Shit, Money McBags can’t believe that they were not only hiring, but that he made it through 400+ resumes, five rounds of interviews, two write-ups, and a full colonoscopy (though that last one was just for fun).  More than anything though, after making the final round of interviews for every fucking fund he found that was hiring only to be shitcanned at the end as most funds are gaping vaginas and decide to take the safe route and give the offer to the “employed guy coming from the bigger fund”, Money McBags is glad this fund judged him for the content of his content and not the off-coloredness of his spin.

But it is truly an amazing country we live in (as opposed to a delicious cunt tree) where a simple guy with a love of investing can go from writing dick jokes in his dining room one day to investing millions at a time the next day as one of a handful of investment professionals at a fund with several billion dollars (and yes, that is what is happening.  You all know how hedge funds work so do the math on that and understand why Money McBags can’t turn this down.  And yes, Money McBags will be performing the same exact equity research he wrote here for free, only now he will be investing $10MM+ at a time in these names.  It is stranger than Liz Taylor’s eyebrows or the B(L)S’ birth-death model and Money McBags can’t figure out if he is now more Horatio Alger or Walter fucking Mitty, but he hopes more the former than the later).

And the most bizarre thing is that while Money McBags’ job search had for months been barer than the Sahara desert or the Shannon sisters on Hef’s birthday, in a 24 hour span the other week, several other opportunities came back as positive, including one very outside the box (and if it had been outside of Rosie Jones‘ box, perhaps he would have accepted it).

Anyway, Money McBags doesn’t know what the future will hold for the award winning When Genius Prevailed.  He is not starting his new job for another few weeks and he intended to write new columns until then but after taking a vacation last week to celebrate finally having income again and being able to eat and breathe, he realized that he needs some time off to get re-energized as writing this column has left him more mentally drained than Terry Schiavio or Michelle Bachman.  He puts everything he has in to every column he writes as he always wants his next one to be the best one and thus he places unbelievable pressure on himself to deliver insightful analysis, original dick jokes, and new need to know information every fucking day and that is more taxing than Belgium.

Here’s an exercise for all of you.  Now here’s another one, sit down today, look at your blank screen, and then try to come up with ~2k words on the market that will be funny, informative, and get people to come back for more.  Now do this just about everyday the market is open for 1.5 years.  It is absolutely grueling, and Money McBags was literally spending 8-10 hours a day on each column (in addition to looking for a job for 5 to 6 hours), so he needs some him time.  That said, there was nothing more rewarding than finishing a daily column and knowing that some random person in the world would now be more familiar with the cockposterous way the Fed has been managing the US ponzeconomy™ or the long-term viability Alice Eve‘s best assets.

Right now, all Money McBags knows is that the daily column will unfortunately die, as will any kind of detailed individual company research, but he would still like to put out a weekend macro round up if time permits and may just turn to twitter during the day for quick bits of goodness.  A weekly webisode is still an option too, but it is too early to tell.  Money McBags will know more in a couple of months as he get re-acclimated to wearing pants during the day and using his slave name, but he will be checking his email indefinitely (moneymcbags@gmail.com) and is always happy to continue to interact with readers.

To the CEOs Money McBags has talked with both on and off the record, Money McBags appreciates all of your help and next time you are at a conference and some guy asks a really cocktacular question, look next to that guy for a dude thoroughly engrossed in his iPhone and that will be Money McBags furiously donating to charity.

To the portfolio managers who ping Money McBags on email all day long, the freebies are now over.  Sorry, you all had your chance to hire Money McBags (and for cheap too) but he’ll be sure to not say hi when he runs in to you at conferences.

To the readers, well, Money McBags couldn’t have done any of this without you.  And even though he usually ends that line with a “well he could have, but it wouldn’t have been as fun,” that simply is not true.  It has been a shitriffic last year and a half for Money McBags and without this daily column pushing him to stay sharp and forcing him to put out good analysis, his career likely would have been deader than Bernie Madoff’s trading desk.  And without you readers continuing to come to the award winning When Genius Prevailed or seeking Money McBags out on Zerohedge and letting him know you liked a joke of his or some piece of analysis he did, he’s not sure that he would have been able to keep at it.  So a sincere thank you to those of you who powered through Money McBags’ thoughts on the Fed and small cap stocks everyday (even if it was just to get another glimpse at Jessica Pare), he has much love for your time and dignity.

While a famous bard once wrote that “parting is such sweet sorrow,” that bard obviously never parted any of Kelly Brook‘s orifices (or is it orifi?) and thus parting is not necessarily a sad time, rather it is a very joyous occasion because Money McBags will now have a shit ton of resources and millions of dollars to put behind his ideas, so for one final time, jizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

It’s hard to say goodbye, and Money McBags hopes to be back in some form later on so check back for details, but for now he is going to gently ride off in to the sunset as genius has finally prevailed.

To the fucking pain, loyal readers, to the fucking pain,

Money McBags

Site Update: Searching for the Fountain of Truth

Money McBags is going to be off for most of this week as at the last minute he decided to fly West for a spring break, and unlike the only other almost vacation he has taken in the nearly year and a half of writing the award winning When Genius Prevailed, he has sworn that this won’t be another bustman‘s holiday.  As a result, his time on the internet is going to be more limited than Gary Coleman’s kidney so he apologizes for that since he knows you all require your daily dose of dick jokes with a bit of market analysis sprinkled in for the kids.

Money McBags may be back on Friday, but will hopefully have something out this weekend where he will answer many of the rumors about him that seem to have been swirling on different sites over the past few weeks.  Plus, KITD’s CEO has said he will answer Money McBags’ questions sometime soon, so Money McBags will post those as soon as he receives them (could be tomorrow, could be Friday, could be “just kidding, now go fuck yourself” day.   The ball is no longer in Money McBags’ court on that one).

So take these few days to fuck around in the archives, email Money McBags questions (he will still be hitting up email on his blackberry as that has not been banned, so he will do his best to get back to you), and enjoy some soothing music to help you get through what will likely be a choppy market without Money McBags’ column to make you feel a bit better.

Site Update: Just a Quickie

Money McBags apologizes for not being able to get to a weekend report over the past couple of days but he was not only busy serving as a special mediator for the budget crisis (and unfortunately they didn’t take his solution of all going to fuck themselves), but he was also completely mesmerized by this video to the point that he has spent over 72 hours now trying to derive the etymology of each phrase and the language of origin (though he believes much of the song comes from the 1869 Harvard Entrance Exam).

Anyway, not much shit happened on Friday other than oil prices surged after more fighting in Libya (which is bad news for most Americans whose wages remain flatter than a plagiocephalists’ head, but good news for the Fed since it won’t change how they’re not fighting inflation), gold spiked to record levels (and if you follow Money McBags on the Facebook or the Twitter you know he alerted readers that these spiking gold prices caused Mr. T’s neck to become the richest American, though Money McBags pities the fool who thinks those gold chains are real), and the Femen Movement finally got their Facebook page re-instated.  So it’s not like you missed a ton of shit by not having a full Money McBags column (though you may have missed some Ali Sonoma).

As for this week, Money McBags is shooting to be back on his normal schedule of a column per day with Friday’s report coming sometime over the weekend but Wednesday may be a bit difficult as he has some shit he needs to take care of and unfortunately that shit doesn’t involve meeting up with the polyamorous one and trying to get to the bottom of l’affair de Sokol or the bottom of this.  If you have pressing questions, links for the column, or just want to say hi, Money McBags can always be reached at moneymcbags@gmail.com (but please no more cock shots).

Quick Housekeeping Update

For those of you who don’t follow Money McBags on the twitter or the facebook, he wasn’t able to get to a column today as he got distracted by spankwire.com and trying to do his fucking taxes.  He is aiming to have his KITD analysis done mid-dayish Wednesday and hopefully a macro column late night as usual.  He is also aiming to give a full critique of Indonesian cinema and audit the Fed’s balance sheet with only an abacus and a dream, so buyer beware.

If you need Money McBags during the day, you can hit him up in the comments section.  If you need Money McBags during the day and you look like this, you can hit him up at moneymcbags@gmail.com.

3/21/11 Update: Still on Hi-anus

Hi-anus, hiatus.  Potato, puhtatao.  The point is Money McBags is still going to be away for a bit, and trust him, this hurts him more than a purple nurple from Janet Yellen (though one should ask Dick Fisher for the exact details).  There is a slim chance Money McBags will be back with a column on Tuesday or Wednesday, but there is also a slim chance WGO is worth more than $7.50 or Brooklyn Decker is fellating Money McBags as he types this, so just hang in there for a few more days.

Once again, Money McBags apologizes to his loyal readers for this break in the action.  He’d really like to pontificate on the bombing of Libya (and Money McBags hears the allies will bomb worse than the Situation at the Trump Roast, or Money McBags on the phone with CRUS’s CEO), the supposed stabilization of Japanese nuclear reactors (and Money McBags hears they are about as stable as Francium or Lindsay Lohan‘s career), or the Big East eating more dick in the NCAA tournament than Nina Hartley in the 1980s.  Unfortunately, he is in a bit of a fire drill and just doesn’t have the bandwidth.

As always, if you have quick questions, Money McBags can be reached at moneymcbags@gmail.com, but as always, please, no cock shots.

Site Update: The Week That Won’t Be

Ladies, Gentlemen, Dick Fisher,

It is a sad fucking day here in the offices of the award winning When Genius Prevailed, and not just because Japan is melting down worse than Bill O’Reilly trying to read a teleprompter, not just because Qaddafi is attacking his own people (and showing he has more lives than Rick Salomon’s schlong), and not just because Money McBags could not find any SFW pics of Erica and Rachelle Drummond (so you are stuck with the NSFW ones).  No, it is a sad day because Money McBags is in the middle of a fucking fire drill (and unfortunately it doesn’t involve waiting in line to get tickets to Charlie Sheen’s live show and it is way more severe than a simple fire bush) and thus he was unable to get to the markets today.  And it is not just today, but Money McBags is going to be a bit out of touch until early next week, though he hopes to have a full column tomorrow (that is if there is still a functioning market as while Money McBags types this, Japan is rushing to the bottom faster than Kim Kardashian‘s latest manfriend or Alan Greenspan on a list of “greatest people named Alan.”).

Money McBags will try to check in briefly after tomorrow, and he will be updating on the twitter and the facebook, but for the most part there will be radio silence here until early to mid-next week (though Money McBags hears the radio will be playing Lady Gaga, so it is good there will be silence).  Anyway, sorry for the time off (trust Money McBags, he will be having less fun than Stevie Wonder’s seeing eye dog at a urinal), but you can always reach Money McBags with your thoughts at moneymcbags@gmail.com, and as loyal readers know, he answers any email that doesn’t include a cockshot (so ~25% of them).  But don’t despair because Money McBags does have ~16 months of archives, and surely you have missed a day or 200, so feel free to scroll through past columns if you need your daily dick joke fix.

To the pain,

Money McBags

1/18/11 Quick Update: Gone Fisting

Money McBags will be back with a full column on Wednesday night, unfortunately he had shit to do today (and more unfortunately, this wasn’t what he had to do).  It’s a long sordid tale, but see, Money McBags has no income stream right now, and that is no way to live, unless you are a clausterphobic anorexic with a severe case of vestiphobia and thus you are happy not eating anything while sitting nude in the open, or unless you simply hate fun.

Long story short: “Asshole.”  Long story a bit longer: Money McBags worked as a small cap generalist for a hedge fund that had good performance but shut down last year.  The problem was, the guy who was funding it was the fourth worst person ever born in the world, right after Hitler, Fred Phelps, and the asshole who invented television encryption (because Money McBags did not have pay cable growing up and this is no way to watch porn).  Anyway, this rich petulant assfuck treated the business as a fucking hobby and thus instead of marketing and trying to raise money, he spent his afternoons fucking hookers on craigslist (no fucking joke), which would be fine Money McBags guesses if the guy hadn’t made all of his money by simply marrying rich and managing not to get divorced even though he is scummier than Bob Guccione’s taint (that is when Bob Guccione was still alive).

So basically, this rich fuckwad couldn’t raise money because everyone hated him and then lost interest in the business so shut it the fuck down.  This has left Money McBags jobless (and with no severance, so thanks asshole, please die) and is what spurred the birth of the award winning When Genius Prevailed since it was intended to be a way for Money McBags to stay fresh for all of the interviews he surely would be getting.  Well funny thing happened on the way to prosperity, small funds stopped hiring, but especially stopped hiring generalists with no personal track record from failed hedge funds (even though performance wasn’t the reason for failure) so Money McBags became more fucked than Carmen Kinsley‘s sphincter.

As a result, Money McBags occasionaly puts on the monkey suit and goes to interview for jobs for which he is way fucking overqualified and pay less than he made three years out of undergrad.  It is a sad state of affairs and these interviews usually end with Money McBags blowing himself up because the thought of taking some meaningless douchenozzle job is not for what he signed up.  That said, eventually he is going to have to succumb (though hopefully not like Sasha Grey in Deep Throat This 44, and that pun may take awhile to hit you) which is a shame, since he not only can pick the fuck out of stocks, but he can analyze the shit out of them as well (and his readers should know this with KITD, QCOR, CTGX, RICK, ININ, among others.  Shit, he mentioned DTLK on 10/25 and look what the fuck it did today).  Money McBags has actually been very close with three small cap funds over the past year, but one thought he was too senior and wouldn’t be happy having to wait 2+ years to be a PM (even though he had the exact experience for what they were looking), one was long only and thought he would be unhappy not shorting, and one thought he could make them money, but they “didn’t feel a connection” (and you know what?  If Money McBags thought the aforementioned Fred Phelps could make him money, he could give a fuck about “connections.”).

So it’s kind of a shitty life for Money McBags right now (though he very much enjoys writing the award winning When Genius Prevailed which has continued to evolve and gain readers by the day).  He is a fine analyst (and has plenty of references as well as a public website with a year of fucking analysis and stock picks to prove it), he has all of the requisite boxes checked (except for this one) having graduated phi beta kappa from a top ten university, having earned one of those lame MBAs from a top three business school, and having become a CFA charterholder (and all you pantywipes at the CFA, notice how Money McBags didn’t say he is a CFA, but properly used the designation).  Money McBags knows people on the buyside and sellside read this, he gets your emails and suggestions for stocks to cover, so if you’re looking, Money McBags would happily strip out the dick jokes for an income stream because his lady friends are getting hungry and hoes gotta to eat too.

Anyway, after Money McBags is done washing the stench of corporate and failure off of him all night, he will be back with a full column on Wednesday where he will no doubt break down AAPL and their cocknornmous Q, discuss consumer spend and the difference between the haves and have-nots, break down DTLK’s pre-announcement, and perhaps even do as he tweeted today and try to figure out which is less believable, Shitigroup’s earnings or that Christina Hendricks is married to this d-bag.